Learning to Live
by Errik's angel
Summary: After Addison's sudden death, Meredith and Derek are left to pick up the pieces, and are faced with unexpected and overwhelming responsibility
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is going to be confusing at first, but just go with it. Characters, especially Meredith and Derek, will be a little different then they are on the show, but these characters have had very different situations.

A little background to make the story somewhat believable: Meredith, Derek, and Addison are friends, like in season 2, when Derek and Meredith were friend, so therefore Addison and Meredith are friends. This is the idea that they remain friends (no Merder fight), and Addison and Meredith were actually pretty much friends. Derek and Addison have been "working on their marriage," but still Meredith-Derek love, put aside by circumstances soon to be explained.

Please review. It's a strange story, but I think it has some potential.

"Time of death, 15:22."

The scrub nurse leaned over and flipped off the monitors. Two down trodden doctors filled out of the OR, followed by an equally unhappy intern. Remaining by the table, and the now lifeless body were another doctor, and another intern.

A slender hand tenderly touched the face, and then looked up at the man across the table.

"It's a sad irony," she said softly, almost to herself.

"What?" His voice cracked.

After a brief pause she whispered, "She could have saved herself. She's performed surgeries with complications like this before."

He didn't respond, instead gripping the edge of the table as if it were the only thing keeping him upright. They stood in silence for a moment before Meredith walked around the table.

"We should go." She touched his shoulder. When he didn't respond she said again, "Derek, come on."

He touched his wife's face, gently fingering a curl that had escaped the cap. Meredith gave him a moment before leading him into the scrub room. They washed their hands in silence.

Meredith looked up at him as they were leaving, "We should go see your daughter." She gave him a weak smile.

"No."

"Derek." She paused. "It's what Addison would want. I know her, Derek. She loved this baby, and she would want you to be happy about her."

"I'm not happy about raising a child alone," he said darkly. He opened the door to the nearest on call room, slamming it in Meredith's face.

Christina came up to her. "He didn't take that well."

"No. He doesn't even want to see the baby."

Christina sighed. "I wouldn't want to see the reason my wife was dead so soon either."

"It's not her fault."

"Tell that to Derek."

They collapsed into chairs in the hallway. Meredith put her head in her hands. The situation was still surreal. Now that she had a chance to reflected, highlights from the past hours played ceaselessly in her mind.

_Flashback_

_Addison face glistened with sweat and she groaned as another powerful contraction hit her. _

_"Something's wrong. It shouldn't be taking this long." She reached for her husband's hand._

_Derek patted her hand. "You're doing just fine, Addison. Baby's take a while to come, you know that."_

_One Hour Later_

_Meredith wiped her friends' face with a wet cloth. "It'll be okay, Addison. C sections are fairly routine, you and the baby will be fine."_

_Addison attempted a smile. "Why is everyone forgetting that I'm the expert in such things?"_

_Meredith smiled back. "It's just what you say, I suppose." _

_They were the only ones in the room. Derek had gone to the OR to get ready, and Addison was waiting for Christina, the intern on the case, to come take her to the OR._

_"Meredith, we've become friends in the past year and a half, haven't we?"_

_"Of course," Meredith said reassuringly, though it wasn't entirely true. There had always been the issue of Derek, and the fact that Meredith, however much she denied it, was still in love with him. Despite this, their friendship-by-association-with-Derek had made them rather close._

_"Meredith, if anything happens . . . "_

_"It won't!" Meredith exclaimed quickly._

_"But if it does," Addison said loudly, "I want you to take care of them. Both of them."_

_"Derek and the baby?" Meredith said to fill the silence._

_"Yes. He still loves you, and the three of you will probably be happier than we would have been." Addison closed her eyes, and turned her head away in both pain and grief._

_"Addison, that's not true! He loves you, and, more importantly, you are not going to die." Meredith forced Addison to meet her eyes. "You are not going to die," she repeated._

_At that moment Christina came into the room, and the conversation was abruptly ended, but as Addison was wheeled out of the room, she turned around, and asked, "Meredith, do you promise me?"_

_Meredith nodded._

_Later_

_"Meredith!" Christina ran into the waiting room, "Meredith, she asking for you. It's not looking good."_

_Meredith ran with Christina into the OR, and as soon as she had taken her place across from Derek, Addison had forced her to confirm the promise once more._

Meredith stood up suddenly.

Christina looked up at her without rising. "What is it?"

"I have to go see the baby, then check on Derek. I promised her." Her voice trailed off to a whisper at the end, and she rushed to the nursery, leaving a very confused Christina behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith walked into the nursery, a little hesitant, feeling as if she did not really belong there. _Because I don't_ she couldn't help but think. As much as she cared about Addison, she was a little resentful that such a burden had been placed on her shoulders. _I didn't forget a condom, why should I be responsible for a child?_

Meredith pushed aside these negative thoughts, and approached the nurse on duty, asking which one was baby Shepherd. She was directed to a crib in the middle of the room. Meredith over the crib, and smiled a little when she saw the baby.

She had a sweet cherub face, and was not as red and wrinkled as the other babies around her. She had wisps of dark hair on her head that promised to curl when she was a little older. When Meredith reached in and touched her hand, she opened her eyes for a minute, revealing stunning, blue orbs.

Meredith reached for her chart and flipped it opened. She was pleased to see that everything was perfectly normal, though she was on the small side. She returned the chart, and leaned over the baby.

"Everything looks good, baby girl." She stroked the baby's soft hair. "You're going to be just fine."

"You can hold her, if you'd like," the nurse said, making Meredith start. She hadn't realized she was being watched.

"Alright." Meredith gently placed her hands on the baby's neck and lower back, and lifted the swaddled baby, holding her close to her chest.

She felt her heart melt. She hadn't held a baby in a long time, and certainly never one so young, so completely dependent on her. She had a special connection to this baby, and was completely in awe of the tiny bundle.

"I'll take care of you, baby. I promised your mom I'd take care of you, and I will," she whispered, careful that the words would only reach the ears they were intended for.

She felt her eyes fill with tears. Addison had wanted this baby so badly and now she wasn't here to hold her baby. _Addison never even saw her. _ Meredith held the baby for another few minutes, before the nurse came to feed her. Meredith released her regretfully, her arms feeling empty without the warm baby.

She wiped away tear as she left the room. _I have to be strong for them. _Despite this knowledge, Meredith knew she'd be crying a lot more that evening. She ran into Bailey just outside the door. Bailey looked sadder than Meredith had ever seen her, which was to be expected, she had been good friends with Addison.

"I came as soon as I heard. Which one is theirs?"

Meredith pointed out the baby to Bailey, who sighed. "It's such a shame. Addison wanted that baby so badly."

"Yes." Meredith turned to go, then turned back to Bailey. "I promised Addison I'd take care of them. What should I do about Derek?" She was really worried about how to proceed in that situation. She knew he needed time to grieve, but he had to come see his daughter.

Bailey looked at the baby for a long moment before answering. "Give him time. It best if he comes here on his own, but if he hasn't by morning, talk to him."

Meredith nodded, and started to walk down the hall, stopping when she heard Bailey's voice.

"Dr. Grey, I'm quite sure that you have patients to be seeing. Get to it."

Meredith smiled a little. They called her the Nazi for a reason.


	3. Chapter 3

Derek sat in the darkened on call room, staring at the wall. He now understood this "emotional rollercoaster" that the women in his life so often described to him.

_My wife is dead._ The thought pounded through his head. Dead. He still couldn't fully accept it. He never would have expected so much grief and regret to accompany the thought.

_I was an absent husband. I could have tried to make the marriage work, but I gave up. _Derek knew that he had given up on the marriage long before Mark had come into the picture, before Meredith.

Meredith. He had never gotten over her, and probably was still not over her, though this was not something he could determine for sure in his state of grief. Even when his wife was a glowing nine months pregnant, he couldn't stop thinking about Meredith. It didn't help that she and Addison had grown close, and he would often find her in his living room when he got home from work.

_I killed Addison. _He hadn't tried, and now karma had come and taken her. _This is what I wanted. _Addison is gone, and now nothing is standing between him and Meredith. It hurt more than he ever could have imagined it hurting.

_Why does it hurt so much?_ He knew he had not loved Addison for years. Meredith had shown him that.

He laid down on the bed, knowing that he shouldn't be thinking about Meredith on the eve of his wife's death. He pushed thought of both of them out of his head, thinking instead of the child.

He had wanted children for years in New York, but Addison had never been ready. The news of this pregnancy, however, had come at the most inopportune time. She had announced it to him a week after prom, in fact, just as he was preparing to ask her for a divorce.

_I never wanted this child._ Derek realized this for certain now. The news of Addison's pregnancy had come as a disappointment, something that he had seen as ending any chance he'd ever have of being with Meredith.

His relationship with Addison had not changed throughout her pregnancy, and he knew that had hurt her. She had seen the pregnancy as a way to ensure her marriage, and he had seen it as something holding him down.

Now he was left with full responsibility of this child he had never wanted. He would have to raise it alone. The freedom his adult life had offered him thus far was gone for the next 18 years.

Derek closed his eyes against oncoming tears, but they came. Tears for his loveless marriage, a lost love, and now this enormous responsibility he was utterly unprepared for.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: So here's the next chapter, a little more insight into Derek from Meredith's POV. I don't have much more to say on this on.

The next day was unusually sunny as Meredith, Izzy, and George walked into the hospital. Meredith was highly concerned about Derek. He hadn't answered his cell phone, or responded to her page. She had found out that he hadn't left the hospital, and suspected that he hadn't left the on call room either.

As a result they were coming into the hospital at nine, an hour before the start of their ten o'clock shift. Meredith ran to the doors, calling over her shoulder, "I'll see you guys in an hour."

She ran to the stairwell, deciding that would get her to Derek much faster than the slow elevators. She stopped running after two flights, realizing that she might not have made the right decisions on how to get to the fourth floor.

She finally got their, and, panting slightly, went straight to the on call room Derek had entered last night. She knocked politely, but opened the door before getting a response.

Derek was indeed in the room, laying on the bed, looking a little worse for the wear. His eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks revealed that he had been crying, and his perfect hair was mussed.

"Derek," she whispered. He made no gesture to acknowledge her presence. She walked over to the bed and sat down beside him, putting her hand on his arm.

He flinched violently at her touch, and she drew back abruptly, rising slightly off the bed.

"Derek," she said again to fill the empty silence. He looked up at her then, and his empty eyes scared her.

"You need to leave this room," she offered, rather timidly.

He shook his head. "There's no reason for me to do anything."

Meredith felt a little more confident now that she had a better idea of his feelings. "That's not true. You have a beautiful daughter to think of."

"A daughter I didn't want," he said darkly.

"Derek, how can you say that? You're all she has." Her voice was soft and soothing, surprising herself by how comforting she sounded.

"Meredith, leave. I don't need this right now."

"It needs to be done soon. She's been alive for over twelve hours, and hasn't met her father. She doesn't even have a name." Meredith put her hand on his arm again, encouraged when he didn't draw back. "Please Derek, she needs you."

He pushed her away and stood up. "I said get out. I'm not going to do this! I don't want this responsibility!" He was actually shouting at her by the time he got to the end.

Meredith kept herself calm, taking comfort in the knowledge that he would never hurt her, no matter how angry she made him.

"Derek, that's terribly selfish and you know it. She's your daughter, and you need to take care of her, rather you want to or not."

Derek closed his eyes, visibly trying to calm himself. After a moment he opened his eyes and said again, "Out, Meredith."

"Fine, but I'll be back."

She stalked to the door, and as she opened it, she heard him whisper something.

"What?" She turned to face him.

"Katherine Rose. That's her name," he said gruffly.

She smiled. "Thank you, Derek." After all, it was something.


	5. Chapter 5

Three days later, Meredith was in the locker room, dressing Katherine it a little pink coverall that she and Izzy had bought the day after her birth. Izzy was sitting beside her, cooing over the little girl.

"Meredith, you're so lucky. You get two weeks off to spend with this little princess," Izzy gushed.

"And two weeks with her father who hates both of us," Meredith added cynically.

Meredith had pushed her grief for Addison aside, instead pouring her full energy into caring for Katherine and Derek. After all, it was what Addison had wanted her to do.

"No one could hate this cutie," she cooed to the baby. "He doesn't hate you either," she added, almost as an after thought.

"Thanks," Meredith muttered sarcastically. "But really, I am not looking forward to this." She sighed, and picked up Katherine, reaching over to put her in her car seat.

"Wait, let me hold her first!"

Meredith handed the baby to Izzy, and sighed deeply.

"Oh, Meredith, it won't be that bad. Living with him may be a little awkward though."

"Just a little." Her tone was highly sarcastic. "I'm the dirty ex-mistress moving in with the newly widowed man. Now I'm a home wreaker mistress."

"That's not true. Addison wanted you to take care of him." Izzy's voice dropped to a whisper. "Honestly you're only the choice. He has no friends. Even the chief sees it. He did give you two weeks off."

"True." Meredith took Katherine back. "Come on, pumpkin. Time to go home."

Meredith strapped her in the car seat, tucking a blanket around her to ward off the Seattle chill. Standing up, she gave Izzy a quick hug before picking up the car seat.

"I'll talk to you later, Mer," Izzy said cheerfully.

Meredith pushed open the door with her hip, bumping into Christina who was entering.

"Meredith! Have fun playing house with McDreamy." She chuckled at the end.

Meredith smiled tightly. "Thanks, Christina. Have fun with the extra work."

"Oh I will."

Meredith walked towards the elevators, interrupted every few feet by someone who wanted to see the baby. She was highly annoyed by the time she stepped onto the elevator. Conveniently, for once, Derek was the only occupant.

"You don't look too happy." He gave her the closest thing to a smile that she had seen since Addison's death.

"I'm fine." She shifted the baby to her other arm.

"Here, I'll take that." Derek gallantly took the clunky car seat off her arm, leaving her with only her purse.

There was little conversation the rest of the way home. Derek drove, and Meredith stared out the window. He had no interest in talking these days, and Meredith didn't really have anything to say that they hadn't already discussed. They were both a little uncomfortable with the idea of living together, and this served to hinder conversation as well.

They arrived at Derek's land, and he pulled into the garage of the new house. He and Addison had built a beautiful, two level home with four bedrooms, and three bathrooms after Addison had found out she was pregnant. It had been completed within the past month, and Addison had never really gotten a chance to live in it.

When they got in the door, Meredith quickly took the baby out of her car seat. "Look, Katherine. This is your house. Welcome home."

Katherine blinked and yawned.

"Is baby Katherine tired? Should we get you a bottle, and a nap?" Meredith cooed. She turned to Derek. "Do you want to hold her while I get the bottle? You haven't really held her yet. It's been three days."

He shook his head. "I'll get the bottle ready."

"No, Derek. Here." She gently pressed Katherine into his arms, making a quick escape into the kitchen before he could object.

She came back a few minutes later and found Derek on the coach holding the baby stiffly. She came in and sat beside him, bottle in hand.

"Talk to her, Derek. She likes that."

"No, I'm not ready for that yet." He handed Katherine back to Meredith, and left the room.

She sighed. "At least he held her," she muttered. "Don't worry, Katherine, he'll come around."


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Here's the next chapter. I know it's been a while but I've been really busy. This is a long one, and the next one should be pretty long too, unless I divide it into two. We'll see. I'll try to have something else up by the end of the week. Please Review.

"I need to get out of this house!"

Derek glanced up from the paper, casting Meredith an amused smile. "Good morning to you too."

"Derek, it's been a week since we brought Katherine home, and neither of us have left the house the whole time."

Derek studied her for a moment. Frankly she looked quite adorable. She was wearing a white tank top that didn't quite cover her stomach, and blue plaid pajama pants. She had Katherine propped up on her shoulder, and messy hair framed her frustrated expression.

He set the paper down. "Where do you want to go?"

She shrugged, causes Katherine to widen her eyes in surprise. "I don't care."

Derek smiled again. He completely agreed with her. They needed to do something. The stress and exhaustion was getting to them both. Meredith was on the sleep-when-the-baby-sleeps schedule, and, though she didn't know it, there was a baby monitor in the master bedroom, so he heard every time Katherine woke in the night.

"How about we go see the ferryboats, and then go get lunch at that little café you love," he suggested.

Her face lit up. "That sounds great. Can you get Katherine her bottle while I get ready?"

Reluctantly he agreed, and balancing the baby in one arm, got the bottle ready. While the water was heating, he sat down, and turned the baby to face him.

"You are beautiful." He touched her soft cheek. "And such a happy baby too."

Derek didn't know exactly why he was so reluctant to accept Katherine. He felt guilty for making Meredith do all the work, but the responsibility scared him. She always seemed so confident with Katherine, though he knew she had had no more experience with babies than he did.

He was feeding Katherine when Meredith came into the kitchen, fully dressed with her hair pulled up. He was amazed a how well she was handling this responsibility. The Meredith he knew would be downing tequila at Joe's right down. He certainly felt that was the only way to deal with the situation.

As soon as she sat down he passed her the baby, though he had nothing else to do. She smiled tenderly down at the baby, though, love radiating off of her face. _And it's not even her daughter._

An hour later they stood side by side, looking at the water over the railing of the ferry boat. Meredith had Katherine in a sling, and was fussing over her, situating the blanket over her yet again.

Derek put his arm on her arm. "She's fine, Meredith. Look she's nearly asleep."

Reaching over, he stroked the baby's soft hair, proving his point when she didn't stir. He accidentally brushed his hand against Meredith's breast when he drew away, and he quickly suppressed the emotions the action evoked. _Your wife just died,_ he reminded himself for the hundredth time that week.

The past week had shown him without a doubt that he still loved Meredith. She was fully in his life now, living in his house, taking care of his baby. It was what he had been dreaming of since they had met in the bar, though the reasoning for the current situation was certainly less than ideal. He often found himself thinking how he preferred Meredith to Addison. The feeling filled him with overwhelming guilt, and he suppressed it as quickly as it came. It was just another reason to avoid her and the baby.

Meredith was positively glowing when they got off the ferry boat. "Do you think she liked her first ferry boat ride?"

"I think she slept through it." His words came out sounding much more cynical than he had intended. He kept talking, hoping that she wouldn't be too offended. "I think that she enjoyed that sling. She likes to be close to you."

"Yeah, she likes her snuggle naps."

Meredith hugged Katherine closer, and Derek was amazed a how much she loved the baby. It had only been a week, but any passing observer could see that she would give her life for the baby without a moment's hesitation. _I wish I could say the same for myself._

They strolled leisurely along the docks. Their conversation was light, more about Meredith and her plans for her career than Katherine. They looked like a happy couple, with Meredith holding their newborn close. _If only they knew the truth._

They stopped at the car and Meredith gently shifted Katherine to her car seat without waking her. Derek carried it across the parking lot to the café, and when they were seated, set her by Meredith's feet.

"What a beautiful baby, how old is she?"

Meredith was quick to provide the older waitress all the details she could offer about Katherine. _She could be the mother. _Derek watched the pride on her face, and felt the most guilt he had felt since Addison's death. _She would have been more proud. She would want me showing off the baby, not Meredith. _

The realization struck him hard, but it did not change his actions. When Katherine woke up, it was Meredith who held her for the rest of the meal, though she had asked Derek if he wanted to. _She wants this baby, I don't. And it's mine._

"You've gotten quite," Meredith observed, her blue eyes studying him intensely.

_She sees right through me. _

He shrugged off her comment. "I have a lot to think about."

She wasn't going to let it go that easily, he had known that before he had spoken the words. "We can talk, Derek. You can tell me anything."

He smiled at her. "I'm just overwhelmed, I guess. I never expected to have to raise a child by myself."

She nodded. After a moment she said, "You won't have to raise her by yourself."

"Thanks." He couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes.

They sat in silence until the waitress came with the bill. Meredith reached for her purse, but Derek stopped her.

"You are not paying for anything as long as you're taking care of my daughter." It was the least he could do to repay her after all.

She giggled. "I may be staying until she goes to college then."

Derek smiled. _If only you would. _He dreaded the thought of Meredith leaving, imagining himself alone in his huge house with a dependent child.

He handed the waitress his credit card with the bill, turning his attention back to Meredith when Katherine began to fuss.

"Is she alright?"

"Yeah, she's get getting a little hungry." Meredith was cooing to the baby by the time she reached the end of her sentence. "She has such good timing too."

They left the café quickly after he had got the bill back, making it out before Katherine began to actually cry.

As they were walking across the parking lot, Meredith looked up at him. "Thank you, Derek."

"I'm the one who should be thanking you."

The words hung heavily in the air, depressing the end of their outing.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: This chapter is just the conflict necessary to move Mer and Der closer to that talk they really need to have. This was originally going to be one chapter, but I broke it** **into two so I could update. The resolution of this will be coming next. Hopefully soon. Please Review.**

Meredith jiggled Katherine in her arms. "Shhh, Katherine, shhh," she murmured for the thousandth time. "You're okay kitty cat, shhhh."

Katherine continued to fill the room with her cries, as she had been doing for the past hour. Meredith had tried everything. Rocking, walking, singing, talking - nothing helped. She fairly certain there was nothing she could do to help Katherine, the baby had just gotten herself worked up, and now couldn't calm herself down.

Meredith sighed, more than a little frustrated. She walked around the living coach yet again, singing a few notes, but stopping when she realized her throat was dry.

"Is she okay?" Derek asked again. He was in his office doing paperwork, and had been asking that question more and more frequently as the crying continued.

"She's fine. Just won't stop crying," she called, allowing the frustration to creep into her voice. She felt better about directing it at him than Katherine. It wasn't her fault.

"Well, why don't you figure out how to make her stop?!"

Meredith gasped. _He did not just go there. _She swelled with rage. _I take care of his baby, day and night, and he can't take a little crying._

"Fine!" she shouted back. "I'm going. I'll leave you here with your precious work. I suppose you can't have that interrupted!"

Her shouts made Katherine cry even harder, and Meredith instantly felt guilty. She hushed the baby, forcing herself to relax, as she went towards the garage. She threw a diaper bag over her shoulder, and snagged Derek's keys off the counter. _After all, that's where the car seat is. _She smirked.

"Meredith!" Derek was standing in the doorway to the garage as Meredith buckled in Katherine. "Mer, what are you doing?"

She stood up, and shut the door. "I'm doing what you want me to do. I'm leaving you alone, letting you have a quite house."

She opened the driver's door.

"Meredith, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."

"Yeah, it was," she said sourly. "I'll be back later."

She got in his car, and slammed the door on his guilty expression.

She backed out of the garage, still fuming. "Bastard," she muttered. He could be so sweet, and then he would pull stunts like these. _It's probably better that we aren't together. _She had been doing everything for him. Taking time off of work in the middle of her internship, getting no sleep even though she was off work, and despite herself, falling completely in love with a baby that was not her own.

She forced herself to take a breath and calm down, a rather difficult task considering Katherine's cries droned on.

"You know, Katherine, I don't even know where we're going. Where do you think we should go?" Meredith had moved past the point where she felt ridiculous talking to a baby who wouldn't understand. "How about we go see Izzie? She's not working today."

As she pulled off Derek's land onto the main road, and her cell phone started to ring. She reached for her purse, and saw Derek's name flashing across her screen. _Damn you. _She angry turned it to silent.

She pulled into her driveway, still highly aggravated. Gathering her things, she walked into the house, not bothering to knock.

"Izzie?" Meredith peered up the stairs. "You home?"

"Meredith?" Her face peaked out of the kitchen. "What are you doing here?"

Meredith laughed bitterly. "McDreamy's being as ass."

Izzie hugged her. "Oh, Meredith, this is hard for him too."

"He's mad because Katherine's crying. How immature can he get?" Meredith wiped angry tears from her eyes.

Izzie didn't respond to that, just picked up Katherine, and lead Meredith into the living room. That sat down on the coach, and Meredith watched Izzie soothe Katherine, the crying stopping in a matter of minutes.

"I hate you, you know," Meredith said with a slight smile.

"What?" Izzie looked confused.

"I've been doing that for the past hour, and she didn't stop for me." She gestured to Katherine.

"Oh." Izzie laughed quietly. "Well, she's probably so tired that now she would have stopped for anyone."

Meredith sighed, and lay back on the coach. "Why am I doing this, Iz?"

"Because you love them."

Meredith scowled. "I don't love Derek."

Izzie raised her eyebrows. "I think you do."

"Stop, Izzie. His wife just died. My friend just died. I don't love him." She kept her voice down so she didn't make Katherine cry again.

"Sorry." Izzie looked like she sincerely was.

They were interrupted by Meredith's phone vibrating in her purse. "I suppose I should talk to him."

"Derek?"

"Yeah, I kind of ran off without telling him where I was going." She picked up her phone.

"Hey, Derek."

_"Meredith. Where are you?"_

"I'm at my house with Izzie. She made Katherine stop crying."

_"I'm sorry about that. I feel terrible."_

"It's fine." Her voice gave away that it really wasn't.

_"I'm sorry, Mer. I'll make it up to you, okay."_

"Derek, it's fine. I'll be back in an hour. Bye."

She hung up before he could respond, and looked at Izzie. "We're not talking about this anymore."

From that point there talk was more lighthearted. Izzie told Meredith what had been happening in the hospital, and Meredith told Izzie about bottles, baths, and ferryboats. It wasn't until she heard herself talking about it that she realized how much she loved taking care of Katherine. How much she would miss it.

Almost exactly an hour later, Meredith walked out of the door with Katherine. She felt a lot better after that break, though it had only been an hour. She was ready to face Derek, and the talk she knew they would probably have. _I'm doing too much, he's not doing enough._ She could hear it in her head. _As long as he doesn't ask me to leave._

She couldn't bear that thought. _Katherine needs me. She needs her daddy more, _a nasty little voice in her head thought.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Okay, this chapter Derek sucks up, and Mer/Der realize they are somewhat happy. Not much else on that. I realize this story is not going anywhere really, but I enjoy writing it. Any suggestions (even if they are to stop completely) are welcome. Thanks.

"Derek?"

He walked out of his office right away. "Hey, you're prompt." He took Katherine from her arms and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm so sorry."

She melted a bit at his sweet behavior towards both her and Katherine. "It happens. Don't worry about it." Sincerity was evident in her voice.

He sighed and shifted Katherine. "Well, I am sorry."

She didn't respond and they stood awkwardly silent in the entryway for a moment. Derek suddenly broke the silence. "I decided you need to relax a bit, so I ran a bath for you up in my bathroom."

She smiled. "That's so sweet of you. Do you need any help with Katherine before I go?"

"No, I can handle her for an hour. Go, take your time."

"Okay." She stepped closer to him and leaned over to kiss Katherine. "Be good, princess." She looked up at Derek, suddenly realizing how close she was standing to him. "Um, thanks." She stopped herself from blushing, and went upstairs.

She walked hesitantly into Derek's room. _I've never been in here before. _It was a very ordinary room, spacious with a cream comforter over the king size bed. His dresser was scattered with a variety of medical and fishing magazines, and some clothes were draped over the armchair. The room looked like Derek.

She pushed open the door to the adjoining bathroom, and smiled at the sight. He had really put some effort into "running her a bath." The lights were dimmed slightly, and there were candles burning around the tub. The distinct smell of lavender filled the room. She wasn't sure if it was coming from the candles or the bubbles that filled the tub, almost to the point of overflowing. The tub itself was a large Jacuzzi, and she could hear the hum of the jets. On the floor lay a fluffy towel, a pink robe, a box of chocolate, and a promising looking romance novel.

_He really knows how to apologize, _she thought as she slipped out of her clothes. She wasn't really angry at Derek anymore. Everyone gets frustrated and lashes out, and he was under more pressure than anyone should be. _And this certainly makes it easier to forgive him, _she thought as she sunk into the hot water.

She lazed in the tub for the better part of an hour. An embarrassing amount of chocolate was consumed, and she read fifty pages of the book. The water began to grow cold, finally convincing her to get out.

In only the robe, she ventured downstairs. It was quite, and she found Derek in the living room with Katherine asleep in his arms.

When she entered the room he looked up. "Do you feel better?"

She nodded. "Thank you. I hadn't realized how much I needed that."

Derek gently put Katherine in her bassinet. "We should talk, Mer. Come in the kitchen."

She followed him silently, a little fearful that he would ask her to leave. _He's not ready to take care of Katherine on his own. I can't leave them._

"Meredith, don't look so nervous. This isn't a bad talk. I just think we should communicate a little more." He gave her the McDreamy smile.

She smiled back weakly, and sat down at the table.

"Do you want anything to drink? I'm afraid I don't have any tequila, but I can offer you a beer. Or whatever else you want."

"A beer would be great."

One was set in front of her, as Derek sat down at the table across from her, opening his own.

"First of all, I'm sorry about this afternoon. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that."

Meredith was already sick of hearing this apology. "It's really okay. I understand, I felt like that myself."

"But you can control your emotions."

"My wife didn't die two weeks ago." She sighed. "Derek, you're allowed to be upset."

"This isn't really the point. I wanted to talk about Katherine."

He was avoiding the issue of Addison's death, and Meredith knew he had been since it had happened, but she decided to let it go. "What about Katherine?"

"Well, we go back to work in two weeks, and it occurred to me that someone will have to take care of her." Meredith laughed a little. He continued, "Do you think we should use the hospital daycare, or get a nanny?"

Meredith was flattered at his use of the word we, and that he was asking her opinion. She considered it for a moment. "I was raised by several nannies. It was a nice excuse for my mother to ignore me."

He looked at her sympathetically. "You think hospital than?"

She nodded. "Yeah. But I don't know. Is that really best for her? To live in the hospital?"

"She won't live in the hospital. She'll live here. My schedule has been adjusted so I'll be home a little more."

Meredith nodded, wishing that Katherine was hers. Then she could have six weeks off. Katherine would be two weeks old, and already in daycare.

"The decision is really yours, though. She's your daughter."

He closed his eyes for moment, as he often did when she brought up that point. "I agree with you. A nanny would be too convenient."

"Okay." _Way to kill the conversation, _she thought. They sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping their beers. It was a comfortable silence though. Since they had brought Katherine home, they had settled into a routine, one where Meredith essentially took care of the baby, and he half-heartedly did the rest of the work. Living together had never really been awkward, and in a twisted way, they were usually happy.

Katherine started to cry from the other room. Meredith got up. "I'll get her."

"I'll get dinner."

She left the room smiling. She really didn't want this to end.


	9. Chapter 9

"Oh, Derek. We can't leave her with strangers all day!" Meredith was holding Katherine close, and, to Derek's surprise, had tears in her eyes.

"We have to go to work, Mer. She's going to be just fine. You know that."

"Look at her." She held the baby out to him, before clutching her close again. "She can't be without us. She's too little. She's not ready."

Derek could feel his patience waning. Five o'clock in the morning was far too early to deal with an emotional woman. He kept his temper in check, however, the memory of the time he hadn't still foremost on his mind.

"Katherine will be fine. She's going to be in the same building as us. You can check on her during your breaks, and can probably even hold her during lunch. But right now, we're late. Get your coat." He tried his hardest to sound reassuring, a hard task, especially when he knew that they would have to go through this again when they actually left her in daycare.

"Okay," she sniffed, gathering Katherine's things before getting her own coat, shoes, and purse.

Meredith sat in the backseat on the way to the hospital, right beside Katherine. She alternated between seating in silence, and asking him paranoid questions. He was surprised at how hard this was for her. He hadn't realized how close she had gotten to Katherine. He himself felt mostly guilty at the fact that he was leaving his two week old daughter in daycare, but he knew that there wasn't really another option.

Meredith was silent as they walked into the hospital. She carried Katherine in, leaving Derek to carry the diaper bag, and her purse. He could see the emotions playing across her face, and knew that she was on the verge of tears.

When they got to the daycare, Derek signed in Katherine, making sure the instructions were already documented. He then turned to Meredith. "They're ready to take her now."

She nodded, but made no move to hand over the baby. "Do they know she needs to eat every three hours?"

"Yes. You told them when you registered her, remember. Now come on, you're going to be late for rounds." He tried to take Katherine from her arms.

"Wait!" Meredith looked down at Katherine. "We're going to come get you soon, Katherine. You'll be home tonight, princess." Meredith hugged her close again before letting Derek ease Katherine from her arms.

Derek kissed Katherine with an air of obligation before handing her to one of the women inside. He then turned to face Meredith, who was staring at Katherine, looking rather devastated.

"Come on, Meredith." He gently turned her around, leading her out of the room, his hand on the small of her back.

Tears were running down her face. "I don't want to leave her," she sobbed.

Derek was genuinely concerned. He didn't understand why she was taking this so badly. "Is there anything else wrong, Mer?"

"We've leaving her all day! Isn't that enough to be upset about?"

"Meredith . . ." He wiped tears off of her face with his thumb, and awkwardly pulled her into a hug. She fell into his arms, her body relaxing into his, ending his hesitation. Holding her close, he reassured her. "She's going to be just fine, Mer. You'll see her soon."

After a minute she pulled away and looked up at him sheepishly. "Sorry. I kind of overacted. I think I'm just tired."

"You're okay, then?" He already missed the feeling of her in his arms. It had been so long since he had held her.

She nodded. "I'm late though."

He watched her retreating back as she ran off towards the elevator. He himself took a little more time, before heading down to his office. He had a surgery scheduled for later that morning, but unless there was trauma he just had paperwork until that time.

Walking into his office, he smiled at the familiarity of it. He had missed working. Time off really was overrated.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

As soon as she had her lunch break, Meredith literally ran down to the daycare center.

"I'm here for Katherine Shepherd." She quickly verified who she was, and signed out Katherine, before finally having the baby back in her arms.

"Katherine Rose, I've missed you. Are you being good?" Meredith talked to Katherine all the way to the cafeteria. She got her food, and found Christina sitting at a table by the windows.

"Hey," she said as she sat down.

Christina hardly looked up, concentrating on a chart. Meredith ignored her in turn and ate her sandwich, still talking to Katherine.

"What is that?" Christina asked sourly after a moment.

"What?"

"That thing. It cries and poops and wakes up at night. Why are you looking at it like you like at McDreamy?" Christian gazed at Katherine with distain.

"Hey." Meredith was genuinely insulted. "Her name is Katherine, she's beautiful, and I love her. I think that answers all of your questions. And I don't like at her like I look at Derek. We're friends."

"Right. Got anything good today?"

"Nope, sutures in the pit."

"That sucks. You've been gone for two weeks and now you don't even get to scrub in. I'm on a trauma case with Shepherd. Definitely seeing myself in the OR this afternoon."

Derek walked up, and sat next to Meredith. "Is that so, Yang?"

Christina flushed slightly, and didn't respond. Meredith looked up at him. "I got Katherine, just like you said I could."

"I can see that." His voice was slightly patronizing, and he reached out and touched Katherine's check. "Are you doing okay without her?"

"Yes." She was slightly embarrassed about crying this morning, and silently pleaded with him not to say anything about it in front of Christina.

He didn't, he just nodded and stabbed some lettuce onto his fork. The silence was broken when Meredith's pager went off, causing Katherine to cry.

"What's the matter baby?" Meredith stood up, jiggling Katherine in an attempt to calm her. She was concerned, Katherine didn't usually cry when she was startled. She checked her pager, 911.

"How can have a 911 page when I'm in the pit?"

"Obviously something big happened. Be happy, this might mean surgery." Christina barely looked up as she responded.

"I guess." She handed Derek the crying baby. "I've got to go. Can you bring her back to daycare?"

He nodded, and made a feeble attempt to calm Katherine. Meredith knew she couldn't dawdle any longer, so with one last glance at Derek, she ran off to the pit, leaving Katherine with two of the most cynical people in the hospital.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Here's the next chapter, some important things happen in it, but it's kind of short. I'll try to get the next one up soon, probably before Christmas. I think I'll move this forward in time a couple of months for the next chapter, but we'll see. **

Derek woke up in the middle of the night to Meredith's voice. It took him a minute to register that it was coming from the baby monitor on his bedside table. It had been a month since they had brought Katherine home, but he hadn't bothered to move it. If Meredith had to wake up in the middle of the night, so should he, although her voice was so soothing to him, he often fell asleep long before Katherine.

_"Rock a bye baby, in the treetop." _Katherine's cries continued. She'd already woken up once tonight, twice was unusual.

"_Oh, Katherine, please sleep." _Meredith replaced the singing with begging. _"Shhh, baby, shhh. Go to sleep."_

Meredith was silent for a time, though Katherine was continuing to cry. Derek felt guilty. He should be helping; after all, Katherine was his daughter.

"_If the wind blows . . . Katherine, I have to wake up in two hours, please go to sleep."_

Her last sentence really hit home to Derek. She was an intern, working ridiculously long hours, and still was willing to wake up in the middle of the night to sing to a baby that wasn't even hers.

Finally guilty enough to get up, Derek dragged himself out of bed. It was good timing too, as Meredith's frustrated voice registered. She was clearly exhausted and reaching the end of her patience.

He entered the room quietly, not wanted to upset Katherine more. "Meredith." He had startled her, and that made him feel worse. She hadn't even expected help. "Let me take her. Go to sleep, you have to work."

"You do too. I'm fine." She sounded drugged she was so exhausted.

"Go to bed. I'll do it." He took Katherine out of her arms.

She didn't leave the room, opting instead to settle into the rocking chair. He could feel her watching him, and it was slightly unsettling. Ignoring it, he held Katherine close, and whispered soothing things to her.

"Katherine, don't cry. Sleep."

After a few minutes, the baby followed his first command. The cries stopped, and she relaxed in his arms, staring up at him with her alarmingly blue eyes, actually seeing him for the first time. In that moment, in the poorly lit nursery, at three o'clock in the morning, Derek fell completely in love with his daughter. He had always been distantly affectionate, but the way she gazed at him, with utter trust and love, had melted the cold spots in his heart. Suddenly he understood why Meredith lit up the way she did when Katherine was placed in her arms, why she would feed the baby in the middle of the night without complaint.

As Derek's mind struggled to comprehend this newfound realization, Katherine fell asleep. Derek was disappointed that he had lost the eye contact they had maintained. It had been the first time his daughter at actually focused on him. He held her for a little longer, not quite ready to let go.

When he finally did, he laid her in the snowy white crib with the utmost tenderness, covering her with a light blanket. "Goodnight, Katherine Rose. Daddy loves you."

He stroked her dark hair one last time, before turning to leave the room. As he did, he himself was startled when he realized that Meredith was still in the room. He had honestly forgotten she was there. She had fallen asleep in the rocking chair, her head on her hand in a way that was sure to give her a sore neck in the morning, and her loose hair lay across her face.

With a smile, Derek gathered her into his arms, holding her against him in much the same way that he had just held Katherine. She hardly stirred when he picked her up, evidence of her exhaustion. She folded against him, their bodies finding the perfect fit they had always shared.

He carried her out of Katherine's room, her tiny body no real burden. He had an aching desire to carry her into his own room, and lay her in his bed. A cold bed was not something he enjoyed, and he had always slept better with Meredith in his arms. Ignoring this urge, he carried her to her own room, her own bed. He used his foot to nudge the door open, and walked into the room, mindful of her head and the doorframe.

She woke up when he laid her down, ending his plans to kiss her.

"Derek?"

He stroked her hair instead, soothing her. "Go back to sleep."

She reached her arms out to him. "Come with me. I sleep better with you."

_Clearly, she doesn't like a cold bed either. _Against his better judgment, he lay down beside her, gathering her close against his chest. He knew it would be awkward in the morning and that he could not have her yet, there was no way she'd date a newly widowed man, but at that moment, he didn't care. All that mattered was that he was holding Meredith now. All that mattered was Meredith.

He held her to him, stroking her hair, and rubbing her back. She nestled in close, to the spot where she had always fit, falling asleep without moments, making him wonder if she had really been awake when they had talked.

Once he was sure she was asleep, and that it wouldn't wake her, he whispered, "I love you, Meredith Grey."


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: This is a short one, but the next chapter should be up tomorrow and it's the last half of this chapter. I cut it so I could update sooner. More about this chapter in the next update.**

"Alright, Katherine, let's get you in your pajamas." Derek laid her down on the changing table, and she looked up at him with a toothless grin.

He glanced at his watched as he changed Katherine. It was already eight o'clock. He wondered where Meredith was; she had said she'd be home by seven thirty. If she wasn't home soon, Katherine would be asleep.

"All set, princess." He held her under the arms, and stood her up on the table. She crowed, her feet curled so her legs couldn't quite get under her.

"You're getting so big." And she was. It was really amazing to Derek. She was almost three months old, and had developed into a little person. She recognized him and Meredith, she could almost communicate, and her toys fascinated her. He wished he could get off work more to spend time with her, something he had never imagined wanting.

He heard the garage door opening. "I think Meredith is home."

Katherine babbled a response, and he laid her down on the floor on her stomach. He lay down beside her, watching as she lifted a head up, looking around. He held out a rattle for her, and she lunged for it, tipping herself off balanced. He laughed at the frustrated expression of her face, and situated her arms so she could better support herself.

He looked up when Meredith entered the room. "Hey Mer."

Katherine squealed in recognition, and Meredith smiled a little.

Derek lifted Katherine off the floor, and stood. "Is something wrong?" he asked Meredith as she accepted Katherine into her arms.

Meredith didn't reply at first, instead holding Katherine close, breathing in the baby scent. After a moment she said, "I'm fine."

Anyone who knew Meredith at all knew that in Meredith language that translated to I'm as far from fine as possible, I just don't want anyone to know it.

"What happened, Meredith?" He was genuinely concerned that something was seriously wrong.

"It's was just a bad day, that's all," she muttered dismissively, still holding Katherine close for comfort.

"Tell me what happened." She was an avoider. When something bad happened, she never wanted to talk about it. Derek knew it couldn't be a healthy habit.

"I scrubbed in on a C-section today." Her voice was soft, and he had to strain to hear her, but he could already imagine where this story was going. "It should have been fine, there was nothing wrong."

She fell silent, and he encouraged her with a, "What happened, Mer?"

"The baby. Dr. Pottas handed her to me, and she seemed fine. She wasn't crying, though, so we knew something was wrong." Tears were already running down Meredith's face. She still held Katherine close, and the baby had settled into her arms, tired and ready for bed. "Then she stopped breathing, and I guess her heart stopped too. She just died, and we couldn't bring her back. I don't know what happened, the parents don't want an autopsy, but God it was awful. She died in my arms, Derek." Her blue eyes looked up at him miserably, her face wet with tears.

"Oh Meredith." He pulled her into his arms, Katherine squished between them. Meredith laid her head on his shoulder, burying her face in his neck. His neck and shirt collar became wet with her tears, but he really didn't care. He hadn't held Meredith since the night she had slept in his arms, and it felt better than he had remembered.

They parted when Katherine started to whimper. "I think I'm upsetting her," Meredith whispered through her tears.

He was still quite concerned about her. She wouldn't have cried in his arms like that unless she was extremely unnerved. "Do you want to put her to bed? Or would you rather go lie down? Call Christina, go to Joe's?"

"No, I want Katherine."

She wiped away her tears resolutely, and sat down in the rocking chair hushing Katherine. He sat down on the foot stool, and handed Meredith a book off Katherine's shelf. They made a point to read to Katherine every night, though she was still too young to understand.

He listened to Meredith read Goodnight Moon, her broken voice heartbreaking. He pulled her feet of the edge of the stool and into his lap, rubbing them in an effort to help her relax. She looked at him shocked for a moment, but didn't pull her feet away.

When she finished reading, he handed her Katherine's bottle. They were silent for a moment as she fed the baby before she asked, "Derek, does it ever get any easier? Losing a patient."

Their eyes meet over Katherine's head, hers pleading for reassurance, but he couldn't lie to her. "No, Mer, it doesn't. And there are always going to be those deaths that affect you most."

After a moment she voiced her thoughts. "It's just, she was so young. She was alive in this world for only a minute. And then she was gone." Her voice faded out, and Derek wished he had something comforting to say to fill the silence.

She spoke again. "At first it reminded me of holding Katherine when she was that little. But she died. She was fine one moment, and then she _died._" Their eyes meet again. "Derek, what if Katherine dies like that, how would we get through it?"

"Meredith." He moved her feet off his lap, leaning forward to cup her face between his hands. "Katherine is not going to die. She is a beautiful, healthy baby. That baby today was not perfectly fine. She didn't cry, Mer."

Meredith, on the other hand, was crying. He brushed the tears off her face with his thumbs, wishing he could say more to comfort her.

After a minute she pulled away, sniffling a bit, and running her hand over her face. "Being a surgeon really sucks sometimes."

He smiled a little. "It does. Losing a patient is the worst part of the game."

She shook her head. "It's not a game. A family ended before it started. A baby died. A couple had their hopes thrown back in their faces. Games don't ruin lives, Derek. Speaking of which, do you want me to move out?"

"What?! No! No, I don't want you to move out, Meredith." He had no idea where that question had come from. When Katherine was born she had moved in indefinitely. Her stuff had slowly made its way over, and now they were settled into a comfortable routine. They had never talked about her leaving; he certainly didn't want her to, and she hadn't given any indication of desiring to either.

"Mer, why would you think I want you to leave?"

"Well, that couple today. They were happy; they were going to be a family. I think that's why they were so happy, but I'm never quite sure when it comes to happy people. Anyway, it made me realize that you probably want a family, not a dysfunctional intern. I'm in the way. I'll go and you'll be able to find someone else. Katherine deserves a mother."

Derek had never understood why Meredith always seemed to try to bring more misery upon herself when she was unhappy. And she was so wrong too. He couldn't imagine bringing another woman into his life, and his stomach clenched at the thought of Meredith leaving him.

"Meredith, I am happy. You're not in the way, and I don't want you to leave."

She kind of nodded, and then asked, "But don't you want Katherine to have a family?"

"She does have a family, Mer. She has us. You're her mother, Meredith."


	12. Chapter 12

"_She does have a family, Mer. She has us. You're her mother, Meredith."_

Meredith felt her heart skip a beat when he said that. It was the one thing she wanted more than anything, and the one thing that scared her more than anything. To raise Katherine, to have a child depend on her, look up to her. Thinking about it made her dizzy.

"Meredith?" She felt Derek touch her hand, and felt shivers run up her spine. After almost a year apart he had the same affect on her. Nothing felt better than being in his arms, not even holding Katherine.

"Meredith," Derek said again when she failed to respond.

"What? Yes, I'm fine. I'll stay." Her response sounded stupid and unconvincing even to her own ears.

"Do you want to stay? Because I'll be fine without you. You can move on with your life if you'd like."

_He sounds stupid and unconvincing too. _

"No, this is my life. I don't want to leave."

"Good." He smiled at her, looking deep into her eyes.

She looked away, down at Katherine who was almost done with her bottle. "It's just, we're both here together, but we're not together, and, I don't know, it just doesn't seem like a normal thing to do. It's been almost three months." She bit her lip to stop herself from rambling even more.

"But it feels right, doesn't it?" When she nodded he continued, "That's what matters, Mer." He took a breath. "But we could be together if you wanted. It'd be easy, we already live together."

She felt her heart skip again. _Good thing he's a doctor. He can save me if I go into cardiac arrest._ Again, his words were what she wanted, and what scared her. Being a couple with Derek again, she knew how happy they'd be. She also knew how she'd feel if something happened between them. She'd lose him and Katherine. She knew that eventually, she'd probably end up back in his arms, or at least back in his bed, but it was too soon. It still felt like a betrayal to Addison.

She realized she had gone silent again. _I'm probably going to give him cardiac arrest too. If we both need CPR it won't matter that we're doctors._ He had sounded collected and confident, but she knew him well enough to detect the uncertainty in his voice.

"No, Derek. It's too soon after Addison."

He face fell, but he nodded, understanding. _We both changed so much this year. _She still remembered him chasing her around the hospital, begging for a date.

A moment of awkward silence filled the air. They had said all they needed to, but the conversation hadn't really ended. Meredith distracted herself by burping Katherine, and situating her with her blanket, ready to be rocked to sleep. Derek was quick to get up and turn off the light, but to his credit he came back to the footstool and even offered to sing.

Meredith took him up on his offer, settling into the rocking chair with Katherine, listening to his deep voice fill the room with lullabies. They didn't talk again until they left the room, silently kissing the sleeping Katherine, and laying her in the crib.

In the hallway, Derek caught her wrist, and pulled her against him. She gasped and tried to relax when he wrapped his arms around her.

"Meredith, will you be ready soon? Addison would want you to move on, come to terms with her death."

_For a brain surgeon, he is so often brainless. _As much as she wanted it, she saw everyday why she couldn't be with him.

"I'm not the only one who needs to come to terms with her death, Derek."

"What is that suppose to mean?" He let go of her, slightly angry.

She didn't let it get to her, and kept pressing him. "Have you cried yet? The first night doesn't count. Have you really reflected on what you had, what you lost?"

He didn't answer, pushing past her down the hall.

She grabbed his hand, stopping him. "It's more than that, though. I'm just not ready. Please don't be mad at me, Derek."

"I could never be mad at you." He pulled his hand away from her, and went into his bedroom, shutting his door in a matter contrary to his gentle tone.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

That night, alone in his room, Derek finally did cry. He pushed all thoughts of work, Meredith, and Katherine from his head and cried for his late wife. Mentally, he could see her misty eyes on their wedding day, the way she had smiled on their first date. He remembered all the times they had sat on rooftops eating lunch, the way her face lit up when she found those cute little viewfinders. His mind went from med school to Seattle, just recently, the way she had glowed towards the end of her pregnancy, the way she had lit up when they heard Katherine's heartbeat for the first time.

Hours later, when he had exhausted thought on nearly every memory of the times he had shared with Addison, he found his tears were gone, and he was left feeling empty. He finally understood why Meredith kept pushing him away. She was right; he wasn't ready to enter another relationship. Not while memories of Addison made him cry and feel empty. He also knew that this was the first time he had actually accepted her death, that she was gone, not on some glorified vacation. There had been real love between them not so long ago and he had to move past it before he could have Meredith. It wouldn't be fair to make her compete with his dead wife.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Sorry this took so long. The good news is that the next chapter is half finished. More on this chapter at the end.**

"Derek, take Katherine."

Derek took Katherine from Meredith who was struggling with her coat. They were in the hospital lobby, going home at the same time for the first time in a week.

"Here." He shifted Katherine to one arm, and helped Meredith pull her coat over the bulky sweater she had on. "Is it really that cold? I mean you have a sweater," he could help but ask as he straightened her coat.

"Yes, and Katherine needs her coat on and that blanket. It's December." She took Katherine back, as if she didn't trust him to obey after that comment.

He laughed, and handed her Katherine's coat.

"Well isn't this cozy. You certainly don't waste any time, do you?"

Derek turned away from Meredith when he heard the sharp voice directed at him.

"Mark. What are you doing here?"

Mark's blue eyes flashed with pain disguised as rage. "I could ask the same of you. Already with the dirty mistress. Couldn't give your wife the respect she deserves?"

"Mark, it's not . . ." Meredith started.

"Stop," he cut her off. "There is no respect for Addison in _this,_" he spat.

"What are you doing here?" Derek asked again, struggling to keep his voice calm.

"I came to see Addison, assuming your marriage would be over. I was right, I suppose." Derek knew Mark well enough to hear the deep pain in his voice, and guilt flooded him for not thinking to inform Mark of Addison's death. "Well, I came, and a nurse told me she'd been dead for four months."

"Mark . . ." Derek started, wanting to explain.

"She also said that there was a baby . . . and an intern."

"Funny. Meredith is helping with the baby. There's nothing between us right now." He glanced at Meredith who was holding Katherine, looking guiltier than she should. "I never could have gotten through this without her, don't you dare blame her."

"Why the hell did no one inform me? I come to Seattle to find Addison; instead I find her dead and a baby instead."

"I'm so sorry, Mark. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling." Derek glanced shapely at Meredith who had her hand on his arm, her voice dripping with compassion.

"I'm fine. At least one of the dirty mistresses won this time." Derek felt like he was watching from outside his body. He had had no idea that Meredith and Mark even knew each other, beyond the initial conversation he had witnessed, the one that had ended with his fist in Mark's face.

"Oh, Mark, it's not like that. Addison and I were friends actually. I need to be helping with this baby, Katherine."

"Katherine," Mark whispered, reaching out to touch the baby's cheek. "She doesn't look at all like Addi."

"She does a little. Look at her cheekbones. Or at least what her cheekbones will be when she loses her chubby baby face. And her nose." Meredith thumbed the baby's nose. "But you're right, her hair and eyes are Derek."

Derek felt his fist clench as Meredith showed Mark Katherine, their heads bent close together. He wasn't sure if the anger was because of Katherine or Meredith. It was probably both. He wasn't sure how he managed to stand there calmly when Meredith placed Katherine in Mark's arms.

He walked closer to them, leaning down towards Meredith ear. "We should go. It's almost seven and Katherine needs a bath." She nodded, her hair brushing against his lips.

"Go ahead, I have a flight out of here I need to catch soon." Mark made a clear point to address Meredith, not Derek.

"Do you need anything at all? A ride?" Meredith asked.

"No, I'm all set," Mark said, still to Meredith.

To Derek's relief, Meredith finally lifted Katherine out of Mark's arms and handed her to Derek, instructing him to get her ready to go outside. She then turned to hug Mark, and Derek felt his stomach clench at the sight of her arms around his neck, and the way Mark held her. His jealous anger was strong enough to make him tense up and squeeze Katherine a little too tightly. She squawked in protest.

"What are you doing to her, Derek?" Meredith's voice was light and teasing as she came over, taking Katherine. That brief diversion was enough for Mark to leave, walking briskly out of the doors, without even saying goodbye to Meredith. Derek had never been so happy to see someone leave. Jealousy was never an emotion he enjoyed, and seeing another man hold Meredith like that was enough to send him into an overload of it.

"How do you know him?" He struggled to keep the accusation out of his voice.

"We talked a couple times that day he was here." She didn't even look up from buckling Katherine into the car seat.

"Why would you two be talking?"

Meredith looked up at him sharply. "We have a lot in common." Her response was curt, and she started walking out of the building without looking to see if he was following.

"Do you like him?" he pressed. He knew he was making her angry, but needed to hear these answers.

"Yes and the sex is great."

He fought the urge to vomit. Mark and _Meredith._ It was like the world was spiraling downwards, and one of the worse moments of his life was happening again. Only it was worse this time because it was Meredith.

"God, Derek, I'm kidding. I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't do that to anyone. We're not even friends really, and I would never sleep with him."

He felt his vision clear, and realized he had stopped walking just outside the hospital doors. Meredith was in front of him looking concerned and sorry.

"That was not funny."

"No, it wasn't. I'm sorry, Derek. I thought you would realize I was just frustrated, but even then, it's not something to joke about. I'm really sorry." She looked completely sincere and apologetic.

"It's fine." He was still a little angry with her for the whole Mark thing, and that comment hadn't made forgiveness any easier. He brushed past her taking Katherine in the process.

"Derek, I'm sorry." She ran a few steps to catch up to him, lacing her arm through his, and laying her head against his shoulder.

"It's alright, Mer. We all say things we regret. How could I hold it against you?" He pressed her arm into his side, brushing his lips over the top of her head. She didn't usually touch him like this, and he savored the moment, no longer angry. _She plays me like a harp sometimes. _Even with this knowledge, he couldn't be angry with her. He loved her too much to ever feel anything but love towards her for long.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

". . . and then I told him that the sex was great, which was really mean, but he was making me so angry. But he believed me until I told him it wasn't true. You should have seen his face." Meredith stopped her story long enough to sip her wine. "So what do you think?"

Christina made a face and gestured to Joe for another beer. "I think I missed out on Derek's face. Since when are you mean? I thought that baby made you a good person. I mean you're at Joe's and you've only had one glass of wine. Where is the slimeball anyway?"

"Which one?" Meredith joked.

"Ouch. I meant the little one though you make a good point." Christina's tone matched her implication.

"Well, they're both at home. I wouldn't bring a baby to a bar, and besides, Derek can baby-sit. This is not the point though, what do you think?"

"About what?"

"Mark. And the whole story I've just spent ten minutes telling you." Meredith really wanted Christina's take on the whole thing, she wasn't quite sure what to think. "And Katherine is not a slimeball," she added, almost as an afterthought.

"But Derek is?"

"Christina! Let's get to the point."

Christina laughed and threw a peanut at Meredith. "Okay, fine. I think Mark was justified in his anger, if I was Addison's lover I'd be angry. I think Derek is an ass who loves you, which explains his reaction and also Mark's anger."

Meredith was silent for a moment, absorbing what Christina had said. No matter how cynical she may be, she always had good insight to these situations, not that Meredith always agreed with it. For example, Derek most certainly did not love her. She voiced that last though.

"Oh yes he does and you love him, and it's obvious to everyone who looks at you two. Mark included, I'm sure." Christina sounded as though she were observing the weather, fueling Meredith's anxiety about the issue.

"I don't love him, and he doesn't love me. We're friends Christina. His wife just died, and we do nothing that indicates anything but that." Meredith forced herself to stop rambling and focused on her drink. She knew she was lying and that Christina knew it as well.

"Right. You live together, come to work together, eat lunch together, fuss over that baby together. Anyone would think you two were married." Christina had a grin on her face; she was clearly enjoying this conversation more than Meredith was.

"Married?" She choked on her drink, embarrassed at how squeaky her voice had sounded.

"Yeah matrimony, ever heard of it?"

Meredith gathered her wits. "Of course. But Derek and I do not act married. George and Izzie do all that stuff, minus the baby part, and no one would say that about them." She was rather pleased with her quick response.

Apparently Christina was quicker. "Okay, two reasons you can't compare yourselves to them. A. Bambi and Tinkerbell are both seeing other people, and B. they do not look at each other like you and Derek do."

"And how is that?" Meredith was getting the sinking feeling that Christina was right.

"Like you're in love. It's not a bad thing, Mer. Everyone knows you two will end up together eventually." Christina leaned over conspiringly. "Make it sooner rather than later, please. I have money on it."

"Oh God." Meredith put her head down on the bar. "I'm going to hell, aren't I? Being in love with him. That's pretty bad, right?"

"At least you can admit it. You wouldn't want to a dirty mistress _and _a liar."

"Helpful, Christina. Real helpful."

Her only response was a pat on the arm, and satisfied laugh.

**AN: So jealous Derek came out in this chapter, probably not for the last time in this story. We know he's always jealous with Meredith, and Mark just makes it worse because of the whole Addison thing. That pretty just builds towards the whole loving Meredith story line, which is really the central force of this whole thing.**

**This is Mark's only appearance in this story (I think) but I'm just going to comment that it's really sad for him to come and find out Addison is dead. He hides that with anger though, and we get to see more Meredith compassion because of that.**

**And that just leaves Meredith. Derek makes her mad in the first part with the jealousy thing, and she lashes out at him, scaring him half to death unintentionally. But she is truly sorry, and he forgives her in like a second (remember that next time Derek is jealous). At the bar, the most important thing is that she finally admits out loud that she loves Derek. Derek already did that, so now we just need them to get over Addison's death and admits it to each other. Bets on how many chapters that will take?**


	14. Chapter 14

"Do you like this, Katherine?" Meredith cooed, leaning over the baby balanced on her bent legs. "Do you like taking a bath in the big tube with me?"

Katherine cooed right back, thrashing her tiny arm in the water.

"What a big slash!" Meredith laughed, and moved Katherine's arm up and down in the water. "I think you will be a good swimmer. You like the water." She stoked Katherine's velvety cheek, still amazing by her baby softness.

She had a rare afternoon off, and since Derek wouldn't be home until late that night, she had taken the liberty of filling the tub in his room. Katherine loved her baths, so Meredith had brought her in too. Katherine's baby CD was playing in Derek's room; apparently listening to it was supposed to make her smarter. Meredith had left the door open so Katherine could hear it, but she was fairly certain that it was white noise for her now too. _With her parents, intelligence should not be as issue anyways. _

Katherine started babbling, shrieking a little, but clearly happy. Meredith leaned over her so they were nose-to-nose, cupping Katherine's dark little head as she responded to the happy baby sounds.

"You're so happy today." Meredith leaned back and bounced the baby up and down a little. "Where's your nose?" she asked, using one hand to bring Katherine's little hands up to her nose. "There it is. Such a smart baby. You're so smart, Katherine."

The next time she looked up from the baby, Derek was standing in the doorway. She hadn't even heard him come home, and couldn't fathom why he would be home so early. But he was there, standing in the doorway, his shirt half off and his eyes staring blatantly down her naked body. He seemed almost frozen in place, but for his eyes which were clearly enjoying the view the clear water offered them, even through his shock.

She found herself in shock also as their eyes met. She knew this was inappropriate but between his eyes, which had darkened until they were almost navy, and his bare chest, she couldn't make words leave her mouth. The last time he had looked at her like that, like a starving man looking at a feast, they had ending up having sex in an exam room. In fact, every time he had looked at her like that they had ended up having sex. They gaped at each other for a moment, Meredith feeling herself grow more and more red every time his eyes left her face. She could hardly focus enough to hold Katherine above the water.

Somehow, he recovered before she did. It had seemed as though they had been in their own world of lust and restrained passion for years, but in reality, it had probably been no more than a minute.

"I'm so sorry, Mer. I had no idea you were in here," he gasped finally.

She managed to respond with something, but she forgot what she had said the moment the words left her mouth. He said something else and suddenly he was gone, his absence almost as overpowering as his presence.

After taking a moment to collect her wits, she got herself and Katherine out of the tub. She put on her fluffy pink robe, and wrapped Katherine in a towel, carrying her to the nursery.

Derek was waiting for them there. Still unsettled from their early interaction, she avoided eye contact, but was suddenly very curious about why he was home so early. Laying Katherine down on the changing table, she inquired as such.

"I have bad news, Meredith. Actually, it's terrible news." Derek sounded as solemn as his words.

"What is it?" she asked, feeling her stomach rise to her throat in anticipated fear.

"My mother is coming here for Christmas. She'll be here in three days. And she's bringing Nancy."

Meredith burst out laughing, making Katherine giggle as well. "Wow, I thought someone died or something. You can be really funny, Derek." She turned her attention to drying the creases in Katherine's neck.

"Are you kidding?" He came to stand beside her, tickling Katherine's foot, but then moved away to pace. "This is the worst thing possible. They're staying here. For five days. Five days. I have to live in this house with them for five days. They didn't even ask, my mother just called and told me they were coming."

Meredith laughed again, highly assumed. She didn't think she had ever heard Derek freak out like this before. "You lived with them for 18 years; I think you can handle five days. Besides, they should see Katherine; they haven't since the funeral."

"No, they don't need to see her now. I'll take her to visit when she's older. Like ten. Or twenty. That should be enough visiting." Derek ran his fingers through his hair again. "What am I going to do, Mer?"

"Right now, you are going to help me get Katherine her bottle." She handed him the clean baby, and as they walked down the stairs she started talking again. "As for this visit, I'll stay at my mother's house while they're here, you really don't need that tension as added stress; I think you have enough." She couldn't resist giggling as images of his panic came to mind. "Before I leave, we'll buy some food you can cook, come up with the good restaurants around here that you can take a baby to, and get my room and the empty room ready for them. It'll be fine, Derek, really. Maybe even fun."

"Fun," he chocked, placing Katherine back in her arms so he could prepare the bottle. "And you can't leave. I can't do this without you."

"Seriously, you don't want me here for this. I'm the slutty intern. I don't think you're mother and sister would appreciate it."

"You're not slutty," he said instantly, and Meredith was quite flattered. "And you should not have to miss Katherine's first Christmas because of my family."

She felt a stab of regret as that crossed her mind. She usually hated the holidays, but had actually been kind of looking forward to spending them with a "normal" family. "Their Katherine's family too, and you know I'm not big on holiday stuff. I'll be fine with George and Izzie."

"Meredith, this isn't fair to you. I'll just call and tell them not to come."

"You will not. Katherine needs to know her family. And it seems you need to have a better relationship with them." She forced herself to look like she meant her words, though she didn't completely. They had fallen into such an easy pattern of life, and she really didn't want anyone to interfere. The fear also lingered of moving out and never coming back.

"Fine. But I'm telling them to leave if it's gets bad." Derek had the most adorable, pouty expression on his face.

"I'm sure that won't happen. Here, feed Katherine like a quarter of that, and then she gets her rice cereal." She handed him Katherine.

"Oh Mer, she hates that stuff."

"You're really whiney today. She'll be four months old next week. We'll have to get her on solids eventually. And you're going to have to help." She put the cereal in the microwave.

Derek leaned over Katherine, and whispered in her ear loudly, "Don't worry, princess. I'm with you on this."

"Very funny, Derek." This microwave beeped, and she brought herself and the cereal to the chair across from Derek. "Sit her up."

Katherine started to cry in protest as soon as Derek took her bottle away. Meredith hushed her, and Derek tried to help by bouncing her up and down on his knee, succeeding only in making her spit up all over her clean outfit.

"Nice one, Derek," Meredith muttered, her voice far from bitter. It was actually quite funny. She wiped Katherine's mouth and neck, doing her best on her shirt. "You get to change her when we're done with this."

"I bet your cereal will make a worse mess."

"Probably true." Meredith put a bite on the tiny spoon, tasting it carefully to make sure it wasn't too hot. "Umm, yummy, Katherine. Open up."

Katherine smiled, and Meredith gently forced the spoon into her mouth. Most of it got on her face, but some made it in. Katherine made a face as she explored the unfamiliar substance in her mouth. After a minute, a decision was made, and she swallowed it.

"Look, Derek! She ate it. Did you see that? Told you it would grow on her." Meredith was proud of this small victory. "Good job, baby girl," she whispered as she wiped the goop of Katherine's mouth.

The next few bites were not successful. Katherine had decided she wanted her bottle again, and cried, turned her hand away, and attempted to shove the spoon away, in short, making a mess of herself and Meredith. Derek watched the entire thing with an amused smirk, holding Katherine on his lap.

"Shut up, Derek." She glared at him, having more or less given up on feeding Katherine.

"I didn't say a word." The smirk didn't leave his lips.

She ignored the comment. His face had said enough. "I'd like to see you do better."

"Fine. Watch and you will see." He handed her Katherine, and reached over her to take the cereal and the spoon. "Hey, princess," he cooed, leaning over so he was at eye level with Katherine. "Want some more of this gross stuff? Umm, disgusting." He put the spoon at Katherine's lips, and to Meredith's surprise she actually opened her mouth and ate some of the stuff.

Derek's smirk grew wider. "Did you like seeing me do better?"

Meredith suppressed the urge to smile. "You shouldn't confuse her like that. How will she ever learn to talk?" She tried her best to sound stern.

"I'll guess you'll have to teach her. Maybe after you teach her to find her nose." His voice had a light teasing tone.

She blushed crimson. "You were in there for that long?" That had to have been at least three minutes before she had seen him.

"Yes. And you are just as beautiful as always, in case you were wondering. Do you always bathe in there when I'm not home?"

Meredith blushed again, and glanced down at Katherine who was eagerly sucking on her bottle. "No, that was the first time I have actually. Sorry, I probably should have asked." This was not really a conversation she wanted to be having. It was bad enough before she had found out he had been looking at her long before she had seen him.

"You don't have to ask. This is your house too. You have free reign." After a moment he added, "And you shouldn't have to leave because my family's coming."

Relieved that he had changed the subject she reassured him. "I know that I don't have to go, but I'm going to. It will be easier on you and Katherine. Just relax, Derek. I'm fine with it."

"Can I relax in the tub with you?"

She pursed her lips slightly and swatted his arm. Flirting with him was far more enjoyable than she dared to let on, and annoyance seemed to be the best way to avoided it. "No," she said shortly.

"Katherine gets to," he whined playfully.

She finally laughed out loud. "You are a child, Derek Shepard."

He shrugged, and sat back in his child, a satisfied smile on his face.

**AN: So the only important thing that happened in this chapter was that we learned Derek's family is coming. That will be interesting. Actually, I don't think I'll write much about that part. It will be more from Meredith's POV, being back will George and Izzie and how she feels about that.**

**Aside from that, we have the awkward tub moment. That basically establishes that Meredith and Derek not only are in love, but still have the same passion and lust. **

**This story is going to be a bit longer than anticipated. I came up will a new idea that should be good, but will make this at least seven more chapters. The next one may take a while. School's been really busy, and I'm trying to have a social life too, leaving very little writing time. I'll do my best though.**


	15. Chapter 15

"That's not the point, George. Meredith has been with us for three days, and you still can't remember to make enough coffee for all three of us. You remember when it's Callie. Why should I pay two bucks for it at the cart when I can get it at home?" Izzie rant was briefly interrupted as she pulled her scrub shirt on.

"And Izzie gets cranky when she doesn't get coffee in the morning," Meredith muttered to George as she pulled her lab coat out of her locker.

"What are you guys smiling about, none of this is funny." Izzie's face had reappeared with her words.

A loud squeal prevented Izzie from resuming her complaining. Meredith dropped her lab coat on the bench, and felt her face break into a grin as her eyes feel on Derek, with the owner of the squeal in his arms.

"Katherine!" she exclaimed, coming over to take the baby into her arms. "Oh, I've missed you so much. I haven't seen you in three days." She hugged Katherine against her for a moment, before Katherine made it clear that she was more interested in pulling on Meredith's loose hair than hugging.

"No, no," she said gently, pushing her hair over her shoulder, though truthfully she didn't care. She couldn't believe how much she had missed Katherine in such a short absence. It was nice to catch up with Izzie and George, go back to her old lifestyle for a while, but at every moment she felt like she was missing out on seeing Katherine growing up. It was ridiculous and she knew it. She didn't really see Katherine very much even when she was living with her given her hours as an intern, but there was a difference between a twenty four hours shift, when she could sneak in a goodnight kiss when Derek took her home, and total isolation for three days. She somehow knew that she would never again have her old life, and that didn't make her as sad as she would have thought. Katherine and Derek were her life now.

"Do I get a hello?" Derek's voice forced her to push her thoughts from her mind.

"I saw you yesterday," she said in a voice that was teasingly dismissive. "I haven't seen Katherine in forever."

"I know. I thought you'd appreciate a few minutes before rounds."

"I do. Thanks." She leaned over to breath in the scent of Katherine's head. "So, are you still doing okay with the family?" she asked, finally addressing Derek.

"Yeah. They're shopping today, and I think maybe doing the tourist thing with the space needle, so they didn't really need to drag along a baby."

"They're going shopping on Christmas eve?" She raised on eyebrow. "Won't they be getting stuff tomorrow?"

He chuckled. "I know. I think it's crazy too, but you should meet them sometime. I think then you'd understand."

She shrugged. "Oh well. At least I get to see Katherine." She tickled the baby in her arms a little, making her laugh. "I've missed you so much, princess." Katherine grinned in response, and stuck a fistful of Meredith's hair in her mouth.

"I think she's missed you too," Derek teased, laughing as Meredith reclaimed her hair. The sound of his pager interrupted them. "They need me in the pit. Sorry, Mer, I've got to go." He held out his arms for Katherine.

"No, I take her down to daycare after rounds." She knew it was slightly crazy, but she didn't really care. She wouldn't see Katherine for another two days.

Derek gave her an incredulous look. "Do you want Bailey to kill you?"

"It's okay. Bailey has a baby, she'll understand." Meredith hoped she sounded as convincing as she had sounded in her head.

"Okay, your funeral."

Meredith laughed, and Derek kissed her cheek before running off to answer his page.

"What was that?" Izzie demanded as Meredith carried Katherine over to where she and George were sitting.

"What was what?" She really had no idea what Izzie was asking about.

"You and Derek. All in love and kissing and stuff." Izzie sounded a lot more bitter than usual.

"Is Alex not putting out or something, Iz? Because last I checked, that could not be defined as 'kissing.'" Meredith couldn't resist teasing her friend.

Izzie glowered at her. "Alex is fine. That's not the point. What's with you and McDreamy?"

"There nothing going on. We're just friends." She kept her voice as nonchalant as possible, knowing she wasn't being entirely truthful. She wasn't exactly sure what she and Derek were, but it certainly wasn't just friends.

"Right because George and I are just friends and he kisses me all the time," Izzie said sarcastically.

"Whatever you do, do not mention that to Christina." Meredith remembered their conversation at Joe's last month all too clearly. Izzie's comment would serve only to fuel Christina's thesis that she and Derek acted married.

"Don't mention what to me?" Christina asked as she dropped her backpack into her locker.

"Nothing," Meredith muttered, and, to her relief, Izzie and George refrained from commenting.

Luckily, Christina was distracted by Katherine who was sitting contently in Meredith's arms, her eyes wide as she took in her surroundings.

"Meredith, why are you bringing a baby to rounds?" Christina asked.

"Derek got paged," she answered vaguely.

"Whatever. Hi, Katherine." Christina sat down next to Meredith and touched Katherine's hand. "Can I hold her?"

Meredith was shocked to say the least, and from what she could see, it seemed that Izzie and George were as well. This was extremely out of character for Christina. She usually seemed rather apathetic towards the baby who rivaled her for Meredith's time.

"Um, okay." Meredith moved to pass Katherine to Christina, having no idea what had come over her best friend.

"Oh, Christina, do you dream of marrying Burke, and having white picket fences and a shitload of kids?" Alex mocked as he came into the locker room.

"Never mind," Christina muttered, refusing to take Katherine. "Fuck off, evil spawn."

"Nice words in front of the baby, people," Meredith demanded,

"She can't understand," George commented. He crouched down in front of Katherine. "You can't understand us yet, can you, baby?" he asked, taking Katherine from Meredith's arms.

"And O'Malley obviously would help with your kids, Yang," Alex said loudly.

Meredith couldn't stop her snort of laughter, and Izzie laughed too.

"Rounds started three minutes ago, let's move," Bailey ordered by way of greeting as she came into the locker room. "O'Malley, what are you doing with that baby?"

"Um, it's Meredith's," he said quickly, and he handed Katherine back to Meredith.

"It's Katherine Shepard. My goodness, look how big you've gotten." The interns started as Bailey fussed over Katherine, actually taking her from Meredith. "What are you staring at?" she demanded when she saw the five shocked faces looking at her.

They all quickly assured her that it was nothing, and she glared at them. "Dr. Grey, why do you have her here?" Bailey finally asked.

"Well, um, Der – Dr. Shepard got paged, and I said I'd bring Katherine to daycare. I'm going now." She hoped her white lie sounded convincing enough to fool Bailey.

"No, you're not. We're late." She turned to the baby she was still holding. "You get to come on rounds with us, Katherine. Maybe you'll be a doctor one day too because you have so much fun on rounds."

Katherine cried out a little, and twisted around, holding out her arms to Meredith. Bailey let her go to Meredith as she asked, "So, Grey, you're still mothering this little one?"

"Yeah." There wasn't really much elaboration she could add to that answer.

Bailey nodded thoughtfully, before turning around and hurrying them all out of the locker room.

Katherine was thankfully quite as they rounded on the first of their patients. There was enough actively to keep her distracted, she found the beeping monitors on Burke's cardio patient particularly interesting, and she sat contently in Meredith arms.

Katherine didn't grow restless until they were rounding on Derek's patient. Or rather, when they were waiting for Derek for show up so they could round on his patient.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Fredrickson. I can't imagine why Dr. Shepard isn't here yet," Bailey apologized.

"He had a consult in the pit. That may be holding him up," Izzie offered.

"It's fine. Not like I have anywhere to go until I get this aneurism out," Mrs. Fredrickson said cheerfully.

Katherine started pulled on Meredith's stethoscope and made a noise that indicated she was not feeling particularly cheerful.

"Katherine, shh," Meredith whispered, giving Katherine her pen to look at as she attempted to read the chart.

"Dr. Grey, take her to daycare if you need to," Bailey told her from across the room.

"Oh no, let the baby stay. She's beautiful," Mrs. Fredrickson contradicted. "But I was wondering, do doctors normally carry their babies around the hospital?"

"No, not usually," Meredith answered. "But her father got paged and I was late, so she's stuck working with me for a while."

"Both her parents are doctors? She is going to be a smart cookie." Mrs. Fredrickson touched Katherine's hand.

"She already is smart." Meredith couldn't resist bragging a little. "But, I'm not exactly . . ."

"Dr. Shepard, nice of you to finally join us," Bailey interrupted as Derek walked in.

He ignored Bailey's obvious annoyance, and asked, "So what have we got?"

Katherine turned at the sound of his voice, and smiled. Meredith shifted her to one arm so she could present the case. "Maryanne Fredrickson, 63 years old, in for removal of an aneurism in the frontal lobe. Surgery scheduled for ten o'clock this morning."

Derek nodded, and moved towards the bed next to Meredith. She handed him the chart and he glanced through it. Katherine squawked for his attention, and he touched her cheek before turning to the patient. "Mrs. Fredrickson, I'm Dr. Shepard, and I'll be performing your surgery this morning. Do you have any questions for me?"

"Are you the father of this baby?"

"Yes." He seemed rather surprised by her question, but smiled kindly.

"She's gorgeous. And you're wife is as well. You are a lucky man."

Meredith blushed, and found herself wishing Christina wasn't there. She would never be allowed to forget this moment.

"She's not . . ."

"I'm not . . ."

She and Derek had started talking at the same time, and stopped as soon as they realized it. They made eye contact, and she found herself staring into his blue eyes, the same ones she saw when she looked at Katherine, and was unable to look anyway. Suddenly, he looked back towards Mrs. Fredrickson, and she looked down, not wanted to meet the twelve curious eyes she could feel staring at them.

"Anyways, I'll have Dr. Grey here prep you for surgery, and I'll see you in the OR," Derek said to end the silence.

"Alright, then. Grey, you've got a job. O'Malley, go find Burke, Stevens, the chief needs an intern to assist on a gastric bypass, and Karev, Yang pit." Bailey left the room after giving them assignments.

"Mer, I can take Katherine downstairs now." Derek held out his arms for Katherine, and this time Meredith handed her over. "I'll see you in the OR," he said softly before he left.

Christina nudged Meredith as she walked out of the room. "Even complete strangers think you're married," she muttered with a laugh.

**AN: This chapter turned out long and pretty much pointless, sorry. And the next chapter will be short and hopefully not pointless, and then one longish chapter, and then this story will finally have some plot drama stuff. I don't really have much to say about this chapter. It was kind of cute, though, right? Oh well.**


	16. Chapter 16

"Ha, straight, take that sweater off, mommy," Christina gloated.

"Mommy!" Meredith exclaimed. "What the hell?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not doing it just for that."

"Do it, Grey, you have to," Alex teased.

"It is the rules, Mer." Meredith sharply at Izzie, the one person she had expected to take her side.

"It's the rules that I have to take my shirt off?" she asked sarcastically.

"When you're playing strip poker it is. You could take off your pants I suppose. There's no rule on the order," Christina gloated.

"You didn't take the shot when George smoked you at black jack. Isn't that the rules too?"

Christina stuck her tongue out in response. "I have to work tomorrow, on Christmas day, but you don't. Are you too busy being a 'responsible adult' to play the game, _mommy_?"

"No!" she laughed, pealing off her sweater to reveal a white tank top, and throwing it at Christina. "And is being a 'responsible adult' really a bad thing?"

"Aww, Grey, that's boring. Can we amend the rules?" Alex whined, referring to her tank top.

She laughed and poured herself another shot of tequila, while knowing that was not the best way to keep her clothes on.

After two more hands, the results of which had George beat red and in only his boxers, Alex laid his cards on the table and picked up his shirt.

"Sorry, ladies," he nodded at George specifically, "But I must take my leave. The hospital will be claiming my ass in less than six hours. Night, doll-face." He leaned over and kissed Izzie.

"Alex, you don't have to go," she said.

"If I want to sleep I do," he clarified, and waved as he walked out of the kitchen.

"I should go too," Christina said as she stood. "Hospitals suck."

"Think of the blood," George encouraged.

"And surgeries," Izzie added.

"Right." She followed Alex out of the kitchen.

"So our game kind of died," Izzie said sadly.

"Shut up, _doll face_." George did not seem happy that Izzie was the only one who had kept all of her clothes on.

Meredith laughed, feeling more drunk than she actually was. She hadn't had more than three shots all night. It had been far too long since she had been with her friends like this. Her time was limited, and she often found herself going home to Derek and Katherine instead of going to Joe's.

After George and Meredith got their clothes back on, the three of them wandered upstairs. Just like they used to, they found themselves lying side by side on George's bed, with George in the middle.

"I've missed this." Izzie's voice found its way through the darkness to Meredith's ears.

"Being squished together and not having sex?" George laughed, making Meredith giggled as well.

"Yes," Izzie confirmed. "Having the three of us together, like it used to be. Are you ever coming back, Mer?"

Meredith lay silent in the darkness for a moment, collecting her thoughts. But she knew the answer without having to think. "I don't think so. Not unless Derek kicks me out, or starts seeing someone else."

"So, basically, no," George clarified.

"I hope so," Meredith whispered.

"That man loves you, Mer. You've got nothing to worry about," Izzie reassured her.

Meredith swallowed hard, chocking back tears, wondering about this sudden change in her mood. George seemed to sense it, and he awkwardly reached to rub her shoulder. "I just worry sometimes," she admitted. "I mean, we're not together, and sometimes I worry that he'll want that, and that it'll all be over. I don't know what I'd do if I lost them."

"You won't lose them, Mer," George promised.

Izzie echoed George's empty promise, elaborating with, "He loves you and it's obvious. And he wouldn't want Katherine to lose her mother . . . again."

"I know," Meredith admitted because in truth, she did know all that Izzie had told her. It did help to hear it from someone else though. "But I'm sorry that I can never have this again."

"We can never have the past. But sometimes the future can be better." Izzie's words clearly came from her experience with Denny. And now with Alex.

"I hope that's true Iz." Meredith's words hung in the air as they fell asleep, still shoulder to shoulder.

**AN: This was really short. Sorry about that. But I updated on a weekday for the first time in forever so cut me some slack. Okay, there really isn't much to say on this chapter either. It's just Mer being back with her friends, having a good time, and still realizing that she would rather be with Derek and Katherine. So I guess that is pretty important to the story.**

**This isn't really that important, but for anyone who was wondering on timeline of this fic read this. Basically, season two happened. Everything up to prom. Then Addison told Derek she was pregnant, he stayed with her, Meredith and Finn ended, and Derek and Meredith went back to the friendship thing eventually, leading Meredith and Addison to be friends. Then Addison died, and this story happened. And I realize this doesn't quite add up right with prom being in spring and Katherine's age and it being December right now in this fic, but consider it creative license. **

**Sorry that my author's note was almost longer than the chapter. Next one will be longer (chapter not an)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Here we go with chapter 17. I never imagined writing this fic for so long. In my head it was going to be over in 10, but oh well. So this is a Christmas chapter and I realize I am a month late, but it will kind of necessary to move this forward. It just kind of fits. But sorry, just be glad it's only one chapter. Oh and it's very long.**

"Good morning, George. Merry Christmas," Derek said brightly, balancing presents, Katherine, and a diaper bag in his arms.

"Dr. Shepard." George let him in with a confused look on his face.

"Is Meredith up?" Derek asked as he set down the bags.

"No." George ran a hand threw his sleep mussed hair, and Izzie walked in from the kitchen, still in her pajamas, stifling a yawn.

"Dr. Shepard, what in the world are you doing here?" Derek was beginning to feel slightly awkward; standing in the entryway with Meredith's confused roommates. "Sorry, that was really rude. Meredith's still asleep," she offered.

He shifted his weigh uncomfortably. "Well, I'm here to see her. Do you want me to come back when she wakes up?"

"No, no. Come in." Derek found himself being ushered into the kitchen as Izzie's hostess instincts kicked in, and a plate of pancakes was placed before him despite his protests.

"Merry Christmas, Miss Katherine," Izzie cooed, reached out for the baby, who Derek handed over.

"It looks like someone is still in their pajamas." Izzie fussed over Katherine who basked in the attention.

"Looks to me like three someones are still in their pajamas," Derek observed mildly. "Isn't it ten o'clock already?"

Izzie laughed. "We weren't really expecting visitors, not that it's a problem of course," she said quickly. "Did Meredith know you were coming?"

"I didn't know I was coming myself until last night." He shoved a bite of pancakes in his mouth, finding them to be much better than he had expected. "Katherine has a red dress in her diaper bag. You can get her dressed if you'd like," he told Izzie.

She seemed excited by the idea and left the room with Katherine. As soon as her cheerful chatter left the room, he and George were left in an uncomfortable silence.

"So, all you interns were off last night. Did you do anything fun?" he asked, desperate to start a conversation.

"Um," George looked up from his pancakes. "We all hung out here. Alcohol, cards, we had a pretty good time."

"Is Meredith hung over? Is that why she's still asleep?" He found that he was more disappointed with the idea than he would have expected. He had really wanted to spend Christmas with Meredith, and preferably with a Meredith who was not puking.

"Shouldn't be. We didn't drink much last night. She sucks at strip poker though."

Derek laughed at the implication. "So you're telling that my Meredith lost clothes without the help of alcohol. I'd have to see it to believe it."

"S'true." George sounded exhausted, and Derek guessed that was the reason they were having this conversation. George had never particularly liked him, and didn't tell him things about Meredith. "She tried to cheat though."

"Derek?" He looked up to see the object of their conversation standing in the doorway running a self-conscious hand through her messy hair. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, Merry Christmas to you too." He went over to her, and hugged her, kissing her cheek before he let her go. That was all the touching he allowed himself, though he wanted so much more.

"Merry Christmas, but why are you here?"

He laughed, and guided her over to the island, answering as he loaded a plate of food for her. "I decided that you were worth a visit. My mother doesn't expect me back until dinner at four."

"What did you tell her?" Derek was highly amused by all of Meredith's questions. Sometimes she just didn't understand that she was important to people, and that they would give up things to be with her.

"I told her the truth. And to set four places for dinner." She stared blankly at him as he sat down at the table across from her. "Because you're coming," he supplied. "Don't worry. They understand."

Apparently he had misread her expression. "I can't come to dinner, Derek. I promised Izzie I'd be here."

"That fine," he assured her, though he was quite disappointed. "We'll be together all morning. Eat your pancakes."

She stared at him, and Derek hid a smile. She was so cute when she was confused. "Is Katherine at home?"

He didn't let himself make a big deal out of her use of the word home, but he certainly felt the significance of it. "No she's here; Izzie's somewhere getting her dressed."

Meredith didn't respond, and he filled the silence with, "So, I hear that you were sitting in this room naked last night." He kept his voice completely serious just to tease her.

Her mouth fell opened, and he was given the sight of half chewed pancakes in her mouth. "That's gross, Mer. Swallow."

She obeyed, chocking slightly. When she regained her composure she said, "I was not naked. I was actually descent the entire night. And whoever told you otherwise . . ." she trailed off, glaring in George's direction.

Derek laughed to show he was teasing her, and she kicked him under the table. He flicked in piece of pancake towards her in retaliation, and it could have become a full force food fight if Izzie hadn't come in and distracted them.

"Meredith, you're up. Let's go open presents now!" Izzie sounded like an excited child.

"Presents?" George asked bleary, obvious barely awake.

"Yes, George." Izzie gave Katherine to Meredith who started fussing over how pretty she looked in her little dress. Derek found himself ignoring Izzie and George's argument in favor of staring at Meredith. She was so beautiful, and he wanted to be with her badly. Hell, he couldn't walk into his bathroom anymore without thinking about how he wanted her.

"Meredith, Derek, let's go," Izzie ordered after she had won over George.

He tore his gaze from Meredith and followed the interns in the living, grabbing his bag on the way.

"I brought your presents over, Mer. I must say I was shocked you actually had them wrapped and ready," he told her.

"Must be part of being a 'responsible adult,'" George snorted.

Meredith swatted George's arm. "Why does everyone always tease me?"

"I think you're an easy target," Derek teased, earning himself a smack from an ineffectual fist.

Soon the living room became a mess of wrapping paper and bows as the interns tore open presents like children. Meredith was more interested in Katherine's toys and clothes than her own presents, and Katherine was more interested in the paper than anything. Derek sat back with a smile as he watched their excitement.

"Derek, I have some for you," Meredith said with a smile. She was standing in front of him with a small pile.

"Really?" With a pull of her wrist he got her to sit down beside him on the coach. He took the biggest one her and ripped it open. "You knitted me a sweater," he teased once he could see what it was.

"No, I brought you a sweater." She giggled a little.

"Well, it's a beautiful sweater. Thank you." He took off the one he was wearing and exchanged for the soft, navy one that Meredith had gotten him.

She pressed the next one into his hands with a giggle. "Open it."

He pulled off the green paper to reveal more yarn, this product lumpier and filled with imperfections. "I did knit this," Meredith revealed.

He felt a grin take over his face. "That's adorable," he laughed as he pictured Meredith knitting the scarf for him. He put an arm around her and gave her a one armed hug.

After he had opened a book on trout recipes, he reached into his bag and handed a present to Meredith.

"Derek, you already got me one," she protested.

"No, my mother brought that stuff. I picked out this one," he said, referring to the excessive amount of lotion and soap his mother had told him to give the women he worked with. She obviously didn't realize that doctors did not exchange gifts. It had been given to Meredith and Izzie.

"You got me a camera!" Meredith exclaimed once she removed the paper, with more excitement in her voice than she usually revealed.

"You always steal mine. I figured you could use your own." She barely heard him as she opened the box and the camera fell into her hands.

"I already set in up for you," he confessed. "There's a memory card in it, I think it holds three hundred pictures, and there's another one in the box."

"When is she going to take three hundred pictures?" George asked, seeming more awake now that he had a pile of opened presents in his lap.

"You'd be surprised." He gestured to Meredith who was already on the floor in front of Katherine who was sitting at Izzie's feet taking pictures of her.

"Well, someone's got to. Do you want her to grow up, and find that there isn't a single picture of her as a baby?" Meredith retorted.

Izzie leaned over and took the camera from Meredith her amid protests. "Smile, Mer," she mocked, taking a picture of Meredith and Katherine. "Okay, now go sit by Derek, and we'll take another one."

"Izzie, give me my camera back."

"No, you have to understand how Katherine feels when you do this to her. Sit."

Derek was surprised when Meredith brought over Katherine plopped down beside him without further protest. She muttered something about hating Christmas and looking terrible. He laughed, and put his arm over her shoulders before Izzie snapped the picture.

"Okay, I think it's time for you to start dinner." Meredith took the camera back from Izzie and gently put it on the end table. "And I think Katherine needs a nap."

"I'll do it," George volunteered. "She can sleep on my bed and I'll watch her the whole time to make sure she doesn't role off or anything."

Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Why would you want to do that?"

"Because babies like me. Come here, katie, kitty, Katherine." To Derek's surprise Katherine laughed, and reached out towards George.

"Don't worry, Mer. He's not crazy, he just wants to play his new games, and not seem rude," Izzie shouted from the kitchen.

"Um, okay. Thanks, I guess." Meredith gave Katherine to George, and he went upstairs with her and a pile of unopened videogames.

Derek felt his heart speed up a little when he realized he and Meredith were finally alone. He had one more gift to give her, and was a little nervous about how she would react. It did overstep the unspoken boundaries they had established.

Meredith came back over to the coach and sat down beside him. "I suppose I should help Izzie, but I hate cooking," she complained.

"Well, how about I give you another present so you have an excuse at least for a little while," he suggested casually.

"You can't give me another one. You gave me a camera that probably cost more than all three presents I gave you, not to mention the lotion." She pouted adorably.

"Are you going to be difficult?" He tickled her side gently. "Because I wouldn't want to have force you to accept it."

"No, stop!" She moved far enough away that he couldn't reach her. "Just give it to me."

"Okay, okay. Come back here." She scooted back so she was closer to him, though not touching, and he pulled the last gift out of his bag. He watched her face instead of her hands, having looked at this gift countless time since he had purchased it. She let out a small gasp when she saw it, running a finger gently over it, a smile soon replacing the awe.

This had been by far the present that had given Derek the most trouble. He had searched online for hours, needing to find the perfect gift for Meredith. Once he had seen this, he knew this was it. He had been robbed on shipping costs, but that had been the only way to guarantee it would arrive on time. As for the present itself, he had spent more money on it than he had spent on a single item since Addison's wedding present, minus things that he had bought insurance for. All the trouble was worth it just for her face in the moment.

"Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful, but, Derek, you can't give me this." Her face showed that despite her words, Derek was never getting it back.

"Yes I can." He took the bracelet out of the box, and clasped it around her wrist. They both admired how perfect it looked against her skin. It was a slender chain of thirty golden hearts, each with a perfectly cut diamond in the center. "Isn't diamond your birthstone?" he asked, knowing perfectly well that she was indeed born in April.

"It's real?" she breathed.

He laughed at her expression. "Of course it is. Do you really think I'd buy you fake jewelry?"

"I was kind of hoping you had. Derek, I can't accept this."

"Meredith," he sighed, lifting her chin with two fingers so she met his eyes, needing her to understand why he had gotten her such an extravagant gift. "Mer, you've done more for me than you'll ever know. I was so afraid when Katherine was born, I didn't think I'd ever make it through the next eighteen years. But you've shown me that I can. You, Meredith Grey, you saved me. Again. And I'll never be able be repay you for that. But this is me trying, so thank you, Mer. Thank you for everything you've ever done for me."

Her misty eyes locked with his and they were drawn towards each other with an irreversible force he couldn't even begin to understand. The only thing he understood was that he loved her, that he had always loved her. He reached out for her, and cupped her face in his hands, their noses touching as they froze in place for a timeless moment, just staring at each other.

"Meredith! I need your – oh, sorry, I'm interrupting." Izzie disappeared back into the kitchen, but the moment was already lost, just had they had been about to kiss. Meredith had pulled away, and was fingering her bracelet nervously, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Um." He coughed slightly, clearing his throat. "Mer, I . . ." he trailed off, realizing he had no idea what to say. "I'll help you and Izzie cook," he finally blurted out.

"You're going to cook?" Meredith asked with an incredulous smile, ending the awkwardness.

"I bet I can cook better than you." He stood up, and took both her hands, pulling her to her feet. Laughing, they went into the kitchen, falling into the teasing closeness they had been accustomed to in the past four months, though the moment on the coach did not leave Derek's mind. It had been almost nothing, something that could be dismissed with a laugh for most, but somehow that perfect moment with Meredith had made this Christmas better than any he had ever experienced.

**Stupid Izzie. They were about to kiss and then she came in. I actually rewrote that part where she didn't come in, but it just didn't work. Once Mer and Der start kissing, they don't stop, and a few more things have to happen before that point. Sorry, everyone. But it was still a really sweet moment without the kiss, and that's the reason it was Christmas. Derek needed a way to show Meredith how much she means to him, and what's a better way than expensive jewelry? And also he ditched his family on Christmas to be with Mer with indirectly shows that too. I promise we'll have happiness eventually, and for now I can promise actual drama in the next chapter!**


	18. Chapter 18

"Hey, Christina, did you see Meredith's bling?" Izzie asked as Meredith changed into her street clothes two days after Christmas.

"What are you talking about?"

"Izzie," Meredith growled. She didn't really need everyone to hear about Derek's gift to her. It seemed like it should be something private between the two of them, but since Izzie knew, that would never be the case.

Izzie ignored her warning. "Just the bracelet Derek got her that's probably worth more than his house."

"It is not worth more than his house. And he gave it to me for taking care of Katherine. It doesn't mean anything more than that," she lied, as she held out of her arm for Christina to inspect.

"Damn, Mer. Rich neurosurgeons certainly have their perks," Christina observed. "That's almost beyond acting married."

Alex let out a low whistle. "That man makes us all look bad."

Meredith jerked her arm back and tugged her long sleeve over her bracelet. "It's really nothing, you guys. Don't make such a big deal out of it."

"Oh, Mer. Are you a little sensitive about the fact that McDreamy loves you?" Christina mocked.

She slammed her locker. "I'm going now." She waved to George, the one person who hadn't harassed her, and left to find Derek and Katherine. Derek had gotten off an hour before her, but had waited for her to finished work. They had plans to take Katherine to dinner that evening since to celebrate the departure of Derek's family.

Taking the elevator down to the second floor, she stopped in Derek's office, and then the two of them went down to pick up Katherine together.

"Hey Katherine." Meredith lifted the baby over her head as Derek signed her out. "Did you have fun today?" Katherine crowed at being up so high, and Derek tickled her once he turned around. "You just love attention," Meredith observed as she settled Katherine in one arm.

"So, are we still on for dinner tonight, Mer?" Derek asked as they walked towards the hospital lobby. When she nodded enthusiastically he asked, "Where do you want to go?"

"Um, how about that little Italian – " She was interrupted when she heard her name.

"Meredith Grey? Is that you?"

She turned around to face the blond man standing from a chair behind her. It took her a minute to place him, but when she did, a grin spread across her face. "Evan Longend. Seriously?"

She handed Katherine to Derek and ran around the chairs to throw herself in his arms. He laughed and lifted her off of her feet, spinning her around. "I've missed you, tequila girl."

"What are you doing here?" she asked once he had set her back on her feet.

"I could ask the same of you. But I'm doing a story on the top surgeons in the country, and I had interviews here. A Burke and a Shepard, I believe."

"I work with them!" she exclaimed. "So you're still a journalist?" She hadn't spoken to him since she had left Boston for Seattle. There was so much she wanted to catch up on.

"Yep. And you're a doctor with a baby and a husband." He sounded like he didn't quite believe it.

"Well, I'm only an intern," she admitted. "And I don't have a baby. Or a husband. It's kind of a long story actually. Come meet them though." She took Evan's hand and lead him over to where Derek was standing, looking confused.

"Derek, this is Evan Longend. We were best friends in college." Her excitement in seeing Evan again carried over to her voice.

"We actually met early," Evan said. "I interviewed him, remember, Mer?" He bumped her hip like he doubted her memory.

"You know, I'm just as smart as I was two years ago." She bumped him back, her tiny body having no effect.

"Has it really been that long?"

"Yep. You were too busy flying all over the country to talk to me," she teased.

"And you were too busy becoming a doctor. And I can't believe you are a doctor. Who let that happen, tequila?"

She laughed and hugged him again on impulse. He had been like a brother to her for years and it was so good to see him again. "How long are you in Seattle?" she asked.

"I fly out tomorrow morning. But let's have dinner tonight and catch up. I want to hear this long story," he suggested, subtly gesturing to Derek and Katherine.

"Oh," she said sadly, suddenly remembering her plans with Derek. She looked at Derek finally, trying to read his eyes. He didn't look happy, but he gave her a slight nod, clearly releasing her from their plans. She grinned up at Evan after he did that. "Alright. But before we go, this is Katherine." Taking her from Derek's arms, she held her so Evan could see. She loved showing off Katherine.

"She's beautiful, Meredith."

She smiled. "I know." She gave her back to Derek, and whispered to him. "I'm really sorry about this. Rain check?" He nodded and she kissed his check, then Katherine's. "Thanks, Derek. Goodnight, Katherine."

She turned to Evan in excitement. "Let's go." She put on her coat, and grabbed arm, dragging him towards the main doors. She waved to Derek over her shoulder, before skipping through the rain to her jeep, Evan right beside her.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"So let me get this straight. Out of _compassion_ Meredith Grey decided to go live with her friend and his baby for four months. What part of this story am I missing?"

Meredith scowled. No one should know her so well after not speaking for two years. "We may have had a thing once. But really, I've fallen in love with Katherine. I can't leave now. I don't want to."

"So this thing . . ."

Meredith flicked a crumb across the table at him. This is why she had avoided this topic until dessert. Evan was a gossip who rivaled Izzie. Luckily he was cut off by her cell phone ringing.

"Sorry." She gave him an overly sweet smile and answered her phone. "Christina? Is that you? . . . what's wrong? . . . you're pregnant?! . . . I'm not a baby expert . . . that's true . . . no I'm not with Derek . . . are you crying? . . . Yeah, of course, I'll be over in an hour . . . bye."

She looked up at Evan in complete shock. "My friend is pregnant." She hardly believed the words as they came out of her mouth. "And she's kind of freaking out. God, Christina's pregnant."

"Do you need to go over there right now?" Evan looked concerned.

"No. Well, maybe. I really worried. She was crying, I think, and Christina doesn't cry."

"Okay." Evan flagged down the waiter and asked for the bill.

"I'm sorry to cut this short Evan." She sincerely was sorry. "I can drop you off at your hotel though. I'm not that bad of a friend."

He laughed. "You're a doctor. Honestly, I didn't think we'd make it to dessert."

"Well, then, I've exceeded your expectations yet again."

"You always do, Meredith."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Christina?" Meredith let herself into Christina's unlocked apartment. She followed the sound of sobs coming from the bedroom. Christina was sitting on the bed holding three pregnancy tests, and sobbing.

"Christina!" Meredith ran over and put her arms around her friend. "It's going to be okay. This isn't that bad." But Meredith knew this was bad for Christina if she was allowed to hug her.

"This is happening again," Christina sobbed. "Am I the most fertile woman on the planet? Why is this happening again?"

Meredith soothed reassurances as Christina continued to cry. "And I just don't know what do to. I don't think I want to kill it, but I can't destroy my career."

There weren't words enough to comfort Christina, but Meredith did her best to reassure her. In the end it was decided that Christina had to talk to Burke. Meredith hoped that he would do better with this than she had. Of course he had been on call the night Christina had finally taken the test.

"So who were you with tonight?" Christina asked once she had calmed down and girls were falling asleep on the bed.

"A friend from college. Evan."

"You blew off Derek for some random guy you knew in college? Glad to hear I'm not the only one with relationship issues."

Meredith was confused. Derek had understood she and Evan were just old friends. And it was just dinner. She voiced her thoughts.

"Meredith, that man is the most jealous man on the planet where you're concerned. I think you have McDreamy issues."

"He doesn't get jealous. There's no issues." But still the seed of doubt had been planted, and she didn't sleep well that night.

**So Meredith ditched Derek for random blond guy. And knowing Derek, he's probably seething with jealous, though Meredith is rather oblivious. And Meredith spent the night at Christina's. What will Derek make of that? Oh well, it's something that can just be figured out with a conversation. Anyways, I lied about the drama. It's actually coming in the next chapter. Please review. It makes me happy and more motivated to update.**


	19. Chapter 19

"Meredith, who was that hot blond you were all over last night?" Izzie asked as they waited for incoming ambulances the next morning.

"He's not hot, and I was not all over him."

"He was hot and you were all over him. Derek must have been pissed."

"Wouldn't know. I haven't seen him since last night." She was concerned that a second person had comment so casually that Derek was angry with her.

"You slept with the hot blond!? Meredith! I can't believe –"

"Izzie, shut up!" Meredith quickly interrupted, looking around to make sure no one had heard Izzie. "I did not sleep with him. Christina was having some issues. I was over at her place."

Izzie opened her mouth to make another smart comment, but was cut off by Meredith's pager. She checked it. 'Daycare.'

"Oh my God. It's Katherine. I've got to go. Tell Bailey for me." She left the ambulance bay and took off for the daycare center at a run.

When she got there she was realized to see Katherine looking perfectly fine, but rather cranky. "She's running a fever. We can't keep her here. Dr. Shepard's in surgery so she's yours," said a bored looking assistant as she gave Katherine to Meredith.

"What? No, I'm working. I'm an intern. I can't take her." She tried to give Katherine back.

"Sorry. It's our policy. No exceptions."

After become thoroughly convinced that Katherine would not be allowed into daycare, Meredith left the room in a huff. "Crap. Bailey is really going to kill me, Katherine," she told the baby who was whimpering softly and clearly not feeling well. "Poor baby, are you sick?" She kissed Katherine's forehead, finding her to be much warmer than she would have expected. "Oh, you are sick princess. I'm sorry."

As sympathetic as she may have been, she had no idea what she was going to do about this. She took the elevator up to the OR board to see when Derek would be out of surgery. Five hours. Not the news she had been hoping for. With no other choice, she had the on call nurse page Bailey. She paced up and down the hallway, trying to sooth Katherine as she waited for Bailey.

"Grey, there you are. Can you tell me why exactly you would abandon your incoming patients without informing me?" Bailey sounded less than pleased.

"I'm sorry. Daycare paged me, and I thought it was an emergency."

Bailey softened when she saw Katherine in Meredith's arm nearly asleep. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah. Just a fever. I don't think it's too bad. But they refuse to take her back and Derek's in surgery for five more hours. I guess I can't work today."

"You can do charts. I need pre-op and post-op notes on today's patients."

"Thank you." Meredith couldn't believe she was thanking Bailey for such a boring job, but it was a job she could do while she cared for Katherine, and it seemed her only alternative was not working. She brought Katherine into the nearest on-call room, and laid her on the bed, sitting on the hard floor to begin on her charts.

Halfway through the pile of charts and with over three hours until the end of Derek's surgery, Katherine's became restless again, and started to cry.

"Katherine," Meredith murmured, standing up to stretch her legs and rock Katherine. "Katherine, shh. You're okay." She put her hand on Katherine's forehead. "You're warmer than before baby. Should we go take your temp?"

Abandoning the pile of charts, she went up to the OB/GYN wing to go steal a baby thermometer. Katherine cried harder when Meredith put it in her ear.

"Katherine. You're okay. Are you telling me it's good that I'm not a nurse? Because doctors don't usually do this." Meredith stopped her chatter as soon as she read the thermometer. "103.3. That's really high, Katherine. Let's go find Dr. Bailey, and ask her to get you some medicine."

Meredith ran into Bailey in the elevator.

"Grey, what happened to those charts?"

"It's Katherine. She was really warm and I just checked her temperature. It's 103.3. I know babies can run higher temperatures, but that seems awful high to me. Do you think we could get some ibuprofen or something to bring it down?" She tried to sound as professional as possible, but it was hard when she was so worried.

"Oh, yes, of course. And I'd like to examine her. That is a little concerning. Let's be on the safe side and make sure it's nothing worse than a simple infection."

They actually went back up to OB/GYN, and put Katherine in a little hospital bed. Meredith wrote up a chart for her while Bailey and a nurse examined her. Meredith was concentrating on recalling Katherine's blood type when the baby started seizing on the table.

"It's a febrile seizure. Let's get her on her side. And get that ibuprofen here faster," Bailey ordered.

Meredith barely heard her. All she could register was that Katherine was blue and thrashing on the bed. She didn't want to watch, but she couldn't look away. It didn't last more than a minute, but it had to have been the longest minute of her life. When it stopped, Meredith moved blindly towards the bed, stepping past the nurse and touching Katherine's head as Bailey listened to her chest.

"Alright there, Grey?"

She couldn't answer because honestly, she wasn't alright.

"Meredith," Bailey's voice became kinder than she had ever heard it. "She's going to be fine. Febrile seizures are quite common. They're scary, but they're common. She's breathing fine now, and her heartbeat is in the normal range."

She nodded mutely, unable to speak.

Bailey sighed, and touched Meredith's hand. "Are you authorized to sign consent forms? Because she needs that ibuprofen, and I'd like to get her an IV to keep her hydrated and administer antibiotics to fight off this infection."

"Um, I don't know. I don't think I am, technically, but Derek's in surgery for three more hours, and I can't interrupt him for this. He can't leave an opened brain."

"Well, now you're authorized. I don't think he'll be suing you or this hospital anytime soon."

Meredith could barely stop her hand from shaking as she signed the form. Her signature was messy and smeared when she handed the chart back to Bailey.

After Katherine got the meds and IV, Meredith was left alone in the room with her because Bailey got paged off to some other emergency. She dragged a chair to Katherine's bedside and sunk into it, letting Katherine hold onto her finger. Stroking Katherine's forehead, she felt her stress come down with Katherine's fever, and found herself resting her head on the metal bedrail. Her exhaustion was becoming more evident now that she knew Katherine would fine, and she found herself dozing, despite the discomfort of her current position.

**AN: This chapter is really closely linked with the next one, so I can't say much on it now. Poor Katherine. She'll be okay, though. I thought it was kind of cute how Meredith was so worried and left her job to take care of Katherine, and how she tried to be professional, but then she couldn't because she was so worried. Not much more on this one. Only other point would be the Meredith and Evan thing, which Izzie pointed out right away. Nothing happened, but Derek doesn't know that. Anyways, please review, and I'll have the next chapter up sometime within the next week.**


	20. Chapter 20

"What is going on? Why wasn't I paged? Is there any protocol in this place anymore?"

Meredith opened her bleary eyes to Derek's angry voice. She sat up and saw him outside Katherine's room yelling at a scared looking nurse. She moaned, and rolled her stiff neck, aching all over from the position she had napped in. After a quick check to make sure that Katherine was sleeping soundly, and that her temperature had really come down to 100 as she vaguely remembered a nurse telling her an hour ago, she went into the hallway to rescue Derek's victim.

"Derek." She put on hand on his arm, feeling the nerves he was transforming into anger. "Katherine's fine, you know."

"I think Dr. Grey can provide you with the answers you need," the nurse said quickly to Derek, before escaping into the room next door.

Suddenly, Meredith felt Derek's anger channeled towards herself as he flung off her hand, and she found herself wishing she wasn't so tired.

"What's going on, Meredith? Why wasn't I paged?"

"You were in surgery. This wasn't anything that was worth your patient's life. We dealt with it without you." She hoped her defensive tone wouldn't make him angrier.

"My patient died anyways," he said bitterly.

"I'm sorry, Derek." She felt her anger melt away as she empathized with the stress of losing a patient, then finding out your daughter was ill.

He growled an acknowledgement, and then moved away from her, running his hand through his hair, pacing angrily. "She had a febrile seizure and a fever of 103. Why didn't anyone inform me?"

"Derek." She felt her empathy waning with her patience. "You were in surgery. There was nothing you could have done for her. And you know better than me that febrile seizures are generally harmless. I don't think you're grasping the fact that she's going to be _fine_."

"And I don't think you're grasping that fact that I have a right to be upset," he shot back. "A _responsible_ person would be concerned for her, not brushing all of this off like it's nothing."

"What's that suppose to mean?" To her if sounded an awful lot like he was accusing her of being irresponsible.

He ignored her question. "Who signed the consent forms? Katherine had medical treatment. Who gave consent for that? Because it should have been me, but I didn't even know this was happening."

"I did." She still didn't understand why he was so angry.

"You did," he repeated finally turning to look at her. "And since when do you have the authority to sign anything concerning my daughter?"

_Since I've raised her for the past four months._ She bit back her sharp retort and answered with a meeker, "I did what I though was best."

"Oh, I am so relived," he said with biting sarcasm. "My daughter was in good hands the entire time."

His words brought more pain than she would have imagined. Still she held her ground, and growing angry, nearly shouted, "Yes, she was."

"Because you're certainly responsible these days." His voice held the same tone that hurt her so badly.

"What does that mean?"

His eyes flashed with anger, and instinctively she stepped backwards. He grabbed her arms almost violently, and yanked her towards him, holding her far enough away from himself that their bodies didn't touch. "Aren't you too busy fucking your one night stands to bother with her?" he whispered with low intensity.

She gasped in disbelief, and pulled herself away from him. "Is that really what you think of me?" she asked once she could speak again.

He didn't answer. After a moment of painful silence he said, "Get away from me. I can't deal with this right now."

She was just about boiling with rage. Where did he get off accusing her of something like that? She hadn't had sex in almost a year. Not since prom, and that had been with him. Finding she couldn't deal with him right now either, she stomped towards Katherine's room only to be stopped by a firm hand on her upper arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked in the same voice that both broke her heart and made her want to tear him to pieces.

"To sit with my daughter." She emphasized the word my, though it was technically untrue.

"She's not your daughter, and I don't want you near her," he growled.

Finally meeting his eyes, she looked up at him, hoping this was some cruel joke. That any moment now he would take her into his arms, and tell her that she was Katherine's mother, in that way that sounded alike to him telling her that he loved her. But he didn't. And in his eyes she saw none of the usual love and tenderness. Instead there was rage, but mostly, undisguised and raw pain. And she found herself that she was too angry to say anything to take his pain away. Not when he was contributing to hers like this.

She let out a cry of frustration with the situation, and brought her foot down on top of his, hard. He cried out more in surprise than pain, but she didn't stop to hear it, already taking off down the hallway at a run, oblivious to the curious spectators who had witness the entire fight.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith didn't stop running until she reached the nearest on-call room. There she collapsed on the bed, finally allowing her tears to fall. Emotions danced through her, and she couldn't work out exactly what she was feeling. She felt like she should be angry with Derek, but instead all she felt was pain at his harsh words.

A fresh wave of sobs hit her as she recalled his face when he had accused her of sleeping with Evan. He had been outraged; like he actually believed she was a dirty whore who shouldn't be around his daughter. The worse part was that he had said something to a similar affect before. It seemed like so long ago that day in the stairwell when he had all but called her a whore, but now it felt like just yesterday, what with the comment just minutes ago. She realized she was being slightly unreasonable in her anger in this matter, given that she had spent the night at Christina's, but she felt that he should know her better than that. That he should extend her some trust.

Meredith curled into a tighter ball, her hair falling over her face, hiding her from the world. Dwelling on Evan and Derek's reaction to him was really just so she wouldn't have to think about what he had said about Katherine. But as soon as she allowed herself to realize that, she couldn't think about anything but that comment. It had been so cruel, clearly intended to harm her, and it hurt coming from Derek. She didn't think anything he'd ever said or done to her had hurt as much as those words. He had never treated her like that before. He had never said something just to hurt her. Derek didn't do that to her. He hurt her, sure, but never intentionally.

_"She's not your daughter."_

The words rang over and over again in Meredith's mind, and she buried her head in the pillow, attempting to escape from it all. But she couldn't escape from the pain anymore than she could numb it.

And it was all so untrue. She was Katherine's mother. From day one, it had been Meredith taking care of that baby. She was the one who had held Katherine when Derek had even refused to acknowledge that he was a father. It had been her. _And this is how he repays me, _she thought bitterly.

As the pain slowly turned to rage directed towards the man who had forced her to feel this way, she realized one thing. It was unforgivable. He had had no justification in the words he had spoken to her, and as such she had absolutely no reason to forgive him. This realization came with a sharp stab of pain to her heart. Because she loved him. She'd loved him forever, and somehow knew that she always would. And they had been so close to being truly happy. But now he had done this, and she just couldn't listen to the apology she was sure to receive when he calmed down, and let things go back to the way they'd been before. She'd give anything to, but knew she couldn't do that to herself. Not after he'd hurt her like that.

What he'd done was unforgivable.

**So there was the drama. Sorry it had to be so depressing. Wasn't that last part with Meredith just awful, and the fight? Sorry guys. But this is ultimately a Mer/Der fic, so we'll get there eventually. Somehow. **

**A little on the characters. I think Mer's thoughts came across pretty well. She's really upset, as she should be because Derek was an ass, and also confused and angry. She knows that she should tell Derek that she was actually at Christina's but she's so sad and angry that it doesn't happen.**

**And Derek was so mean and terrible and horrible to Meredith. But we all know Derek let's his emotions, especially jealously, get the better of him. And he had this mindset that Meredith blew him off for sex, and then his patient died, and then he found out his daughter was sick. So he lost his temper, and Meredith happened to be on the receiving end. He just needs to come to his senses, and do some serious sucking up.**

**So hope you all enjoyed. Please review. My goal is to update again this weekend, but I have a lot going on so no promises. Review and maybe it'll come sooner.**


	21. Chapter 21

"Katherine Rose, what's the matter, baby?" Derek murmured.

He sat in the hard hospital chair rocking his daughter, yet unable to calm her down. She had been whimpering in his arms since she had woken up half an hour ago.

"Katerine, princess, shhh. Katherine, you're okay."

Now he almost wished he hadn't sent Meredith away. She would help him. She could probably make Katherine stop crying. Guilt washed over him when he thought back to their fight. He had been so wrong to tell her she wasn't Katherine's mother, first because it cruel, and second because it was completely untrue. Her face was haunting her mind; that pained, shocked expression, as if he had slapped her. That may have been the better option for it certainly would have hurt her less.

But she had cheated on him. Well, not really, because they weren't a couple, but it certainly felt like cheating. It was so much worse than seeing Addison with Mark. He would take the sight a thousand times, if it would take away the knowledge that Meredith had spent the night in another man's arms. _She's mine. No one else should ever touch my Meredith._

"Derek?"

He heard a soft voice, and looked up to see that Dr. Bailey had entered the room.

"How's she doing?" Bailey asked.

"She's doing better." He didn't feel the desire to elaborate.

"And where's my intern?"

Derek felt a stab of pain at the mention of Meredith. _Probably screwing some other man. _Of course he couldn't say that out loud, so instead he shrugged vaguely. "Not sure."

"Oh, what did you do, Derek Shepherd?" Bailey accused.

"What . . . um, how . . . why would you think I did anything?" Derek finally managed to stammer, much to his embarrassment.

"Well, first of all you just told me." Bailey continued over Derek's protests. "And second, there is no other reason why that girl wouldn't be here standing over that baby. It's what she's been doing all day until you showed up." Bailey glowered at him, and Derek knew that she knew that he had done something.

Taking a defensive position to evade Bailey intimidation, he said, "I didn't do anything. She just left." After all, it was true for the night before.

"Uh, hu." Bailey was not going to buy it. "Derek Shepherd, do you always have to hurt that girl?"

Guilt flooded him again as he recalled Meredith's face. He had hurt her. Again. But this time it had been intentional. _She hurt me first. _Somehow revenge was bitter this time.

But he voiced his only defense, knowing that Bailey wouldn't let him off the hook until he told her some of the truth. She got too protective of her interns sometimes. "She deserved it. She doesn't seem to want Katherine." He only sounded whiny and five and he wished he could take back the words as soon as they left his mouth.

"Now I know that's not true. About Katherine I mean. Grey loves that baby, and you know it. Hell, everyone in this hospital knows it. Maybe I don't know everything about what's going on with you two, but if you don't give me a damn good reason for this right now, you're out of here, and she's in." Bailey took a breath as she finished her lecture, and with a hand on her hip, scowled at him in disapproval.

He sighed, knowing that an explanation was his only way out of this one. From an outside perspective it had to look bad, him in this room, and Meredith who knows where when she had been the one taking care of Katherine all day. As she had been for the past four months. And nothing was a secret at this hospital.

With anther sigh he admitted the truth. "She didn't come home last night. She went out with a man she knew in college, and she didn't come home." Voicing that hurt more than just thinking about it.

Bailey was silent for a moment as she absorbed the new information. Finally she asked, "Am I correct in saying that you drew a conclusion from that, yelled at her, and sent her away without once asking her where she had actually been?"

It sounded worse when she put it that way. "Miranda, what else would she have been doing. I know her, she's Meredith. And when you give her alcohol and men, things happen. Things I do not ever want to think about." He closed his eyes with a moan when he found he couldn't do anything but think about it.

Bailey made a clucking sound. "You may be right, but you're a damned fool if you don't ask her. Actually you're a damned fool either way. Katherine needs a mother, and you won't find anyone who will love her more than Meredith does."

"Meredith is her mother," he muttered, wishing he could take back the words that had said otherwise. "You're right. I have to talk to her. And forgive her, and grovel, and whatever else she wants me to do." But he was too overwhelmed to even think about getting up to find her. He was worried about how she would react, and if she would even forgive him. And the thought of losing her was too much to bear. He leaned his head back on the hard back of the chair, and closed his eyes again.

He felt Bailey sit down in the chair next to him, and take Katherine from his arms; mindful of the IV she was still hooked up to. She gently fussed over the baby for a minute, before breaking the silence.

"She restless because she wants her mom, Derek. And she's not going to calm down for anyone else."

Derek nodded, knowing she was right. And with a glance at his daughter, he realized that Bailey was right. He had to find Meredith. He had to talk to her. And somehow, he had to get her to forgive him.

**Sorry, this chapter ended up rather pointless. And not really that good. And really short. But I'm posting it anyways because Derek realizing this stuff is important. I just didn't really like Bailey in this chapter, she seemed a little off. Anyway, so Derek realized he was an ass, but he's still hurting because of Meredith and Evan. But he wants Meredith anyway because he realizes she's Katherine's mother, and of course he loves her and whatnot. **

**So sorry for getting this up a little late. I had a busy Saturday then I was sick on Sunday and still had lots of homework. Promise next chapter will be better than this one, and it will finally be Mer/Der again, though probably not very happy.**

**Please review. I was so happy with how many I got for the last chapter. Thanks to everyone who takes the time.**


	22. Chapter 22

"Have you seen Dr. Grey," Derek asked yet another nurse. He had left Katherine's room with determination, but it had diminished as he had unsuccessfully searched the hospital for the past fifteen minutes.

"On call room three, I believe."

"Thank you!" He could have kissed the nurse, but instead spun on his heel to walk in the right direction.

Intimidation crept upon him as he stood in front of the door. Somehow it seemed large and foreign, something he would be unable to overcome. He shook off his hesitation, though, and knocked gently on the door.

"Mer, it's me."

"Go away!" Her voice cracked dramatically, and just by those two words he could tell she'd been crying.

"Meredith, I'm sorry. Can we please just talk?" Derek kept his voice down as he noticed the curious onlookers watching him.

"No!"

A glance over his shoulder convinced him that he could not continue talking with her through the door if he wanted their life remain ever remotely private. Turning the doorknob, he found to his relief that the door was not locked, so he opened it and stepped in the small room, closely the door behind him.

Meredith lay on the bed facing away from him, curled into a ball. One look at her made him feel like the biggest ass in the world. Whatever hurt she had caused him was nothing compared to what he had done to her with his thoughtless words. And he would have given anything to take those words back.

"Meredith." He sat down carefully on the edge of the bed, and touched her shoulder, wincing when she flinched away violently. "Please, look at me," he pleaded.

"Go, Derek. Just go." She sounded even more hurt and broken without the door between them.

"Mer, I'm sorry. I was an ass, and I'm sorry. I was completely wrong. You are Katherine's mother, and I wouldn't want anyone but you to be her mother. I'm so sorry, Mer, I was just frustrated, and I lashed out at you. I know that's not an excuse, but please, can you just forgive me?" He finally forced himself to stop apologizing and give her a chance to speak.

"No." He hardly heard her voice, but suddenly she was sitting up, and shoving him so she could get off the bed. She stood up and glared down at him; an anger in her eyes that he had never seen before. "No. No I can't forgive you." Her voice was stronger now. "You hurt me. You found the words that would hurt most, and you said them, regardless of whether they were actually true or not."

"Mer . . ." His voice trailed off with one look from her, and she started pacing in the small space in front of the bed.

"I live with you and your daughter for four fucking months, and then one day, you're angry, so I'm not her mother. You're selfish and hateful and arrogant, and I hate it. I hate you! And you called me a whore. Again. And there's no reason for me to put up with this shit." She was all but shouting and Derek was certain she would be audible in the hallway.

She turned to storm out of the room, but he caught her wrist, holding it gently, but firmly enough so she couldn't escape.

"Let me go!" she cried, the anger in her eyes turning to tears.

"No, Meredith, we're going to talk about this. We are going to be adults," he ordered gently.

"I don't want to be an adult!"

He suppressed his smile, and instead got her to sit down beside him. She crossed her arms across her chest and moved as far away from him as the bed would allow.

"We have a baby to think about, so there isn't really a choice."

"You made it quite clear that you're the only one with a baby to think of." She finally lost her fight to the tears, and they spilled over her cheeks, glistening, before her angry hands brushed them away.

"And I'm sorry. But it's not true and you know it. She's yours almost as much as she is mine, and I'm not letting you walk away. Not over this." He tried his best to keep the anger out of his voice.

"I don't get to walk away, but you do! You always walk away. You walked away from Addison, and from me, and from Katherine when she was first born. And it's not fair, Derek. It's hurts, and it's not fair!" She buried her face in her hands, but it didn't prevent him from seeing her tears.

Derek wasn't quite sure of how to handle this situation. He had never seen Meredith this angry before, upset yes, but never angry. All he wanted to do we pull her into his arms and kiss the life out of her, but somehow he knew that would not help the situation.

"And you know what? You're not sorry because if you were actually sorry, this wouldn't have happened. I seem to remember you calling me a whore before, and you said you were sorry, but it happened again, so I guess you weren't sorry." Meredith had taken advantage of his silence to fill the room with more of her shouts.

That hurt. It hurt because she was absolutely right, not about him not being sorry of course because he was sorry, but she was right that sometimes he just didn't learn. And then people get hurt. This time the hurt person had been Meredith.

"Mer, I am sorry. I don't know how I'm ever going to make you believe that because you're absolutely right that I hurt you a lot. But, please, you must know that it is never intentional. Never. And it's not true either, Mer. You are Katherine's mother, and you're not a whore." He chocked on the word, sick that he had ever directed the implication at his Meredith. "You're not, Mer. You're perfect, you're wonderful, and I wouldn't ever want to change anything about you." He had gotten her a little with that one, and he felt some of the anger melt out of her.

"But it was intentional today." Her voice started out soft, but quickly rose back to its former level, and Derek realized he had made no gains with sweet talk. "You wanted to hurt me, Derek. You were angry, and for some reason, you decided that you wanted to make me angry and hurt too, so you lashed out at me. And it hurt, Derek. You really hurt me." Her voice had decrescendoed until it was no more than a whisper.

Suddenly she was crying, and without even thinking he had taken her into his arms with an, "Oh Meredith." He held her close despite her efforts to push him away, and eventually she relaxed, crying into his chest. He murmured apologies into her hair, wishing that he could hold her when she wasn't sobbing every now and then. Or every second of every day. That would be his first choice; it just didn't seem to be something she would let him do anytime soon.

"Mer, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry," he whispered. "Please, please forgive me. I need you, Meredith."

"No! No, let go of me!" She pounded on his chest, and twisted in his arms until he reluctantly let her go. "You don't get me back because you're sorry. You had a second chance and you blew it. We're done, Derek. This thing between us, it's over."

Derek winced as he heard his own words being thrown back at him, and his chest tightened in fear as he realized that was a possibility that he really might lose her. And he couldn't let that happen.

"Mer, no, you don't mean that. You can't leave. I need you. Katherine needs you. Katherine needs you to be her mother," he begged, not even ashamed of begging if it would mean Meredith would change her mind.

"I'm not her mother. Addison is her mother. And I'm not going anywhere." He felt his heart lift until she continued speaking. "I'll be in Seattle, and I'll tell you if you do a really bad job of raising her or anything."

That did not reassure Derek at all. "You can't do this, Meredith. You can't walk away." He pulled her back towards him, willing to risk her ineffectual fists.

She would have none of it though, and wouldn't even let him wrap his arms around her waist. It was when she started to walk out of the room again when he truly realized the severity of the situation, and stopped her with both his body, moved in front of hers to block the door, and his words.

"Listen. We are a family. You, me, Katherine, we're a family. And families do not just walk away. They fight for each other. And, Mer, we can get through this. Just forgive me, and I'll make it up to you, but you do not get to walk away from this." He forced her to meet his eyes as he spoke to her, his voice firm, but with no hint of anger.

She gave him a haunted smile. "Nice words, Derek, but in our case, families do walk away. You left Addison, my father left me. There was no fighting."

Her face was scaring him. It was so broken. So much damage had been done to her by everyone who had played an important role in her life, her mother, her father, him. And on top of his worry for her was the ever growing dread that she would walk away. That he really would lose her for good. He played the last card he had, praying that it would be enough.

"Meredith, Katherine needs you, and I need you. You belong with us. And, Mer, I love you. I've loved you forever, and I swear I've never stopped loving you for a moment. And I cannot lose you, Mer, I can't." His voice cracked pathetically, and he bore her eyes into her soul, pleading with her to give him another chance.

She didn't have another smart response, instead stared at him dumbstruck, shock replacing the anger.

"Meredith," he murmured, reaching for her hand. He twined their fingers together, and used the captured hand to draw her close to him. Still not speaking, Meredith melted into him. "I love you," he confessed again, knowing he could tell her that for the rest of his life and it still wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't make up for all the pain he had caused her, and it wouldn't make up for every other time he should have told her and he hadn't.

"Derek," she sighed, and it was all the encouragement he needed to pull her fully into his arms, and brush her soft lips with his own. He had intended the kiss to be gentle, a way of showing her how much he loved her, but as soon as his mouth touched hers, his instincts took over.

He hadn't kissed her it over a year, and she tasted far better than he remembered. His mouth crushed hers, and he pressed her body closer to him as she began to respond, kissing him back with an ardent force. "Mer," he murmured against her mouth, and her responding moan was used as an opportunity to get his tongue into her mouth. He delved deep into her sweet mouth, tasting, until their tongues meet inside her mouth and dueled for dominance. Groaning, he put a firm hand on her hip using it to pull her as close to his body as possible. His free hand reached up and tangled in her curls, tugging gently.

The surreal feeling ended abruptly when Meredith pulled away. "We can't do this," she gasped, out of breath from the intensity of their kiss.

He stared hungrily at her swollen mouth, wanting to kiss it again.

"Derek!"

He forced himself to tear himself away from thoughts of kissing her and touching her and making love to her, and looked into her beautiful eyes.

"I'm still mad at you, and we can't do this." She sounded like she hadn't quite convinced herself.

He wasn't quite sure what to say. All he wanted was to kiss her again, and, based on how she had kissed him, she wanted it too. But that wouldn't solve their problems, and there were a lot of problems to solve before he could kiss her again.

"I'm so sorry, but you know I didn't mean it. I was jealous, and I'm sorry."

"You don't just jealous," she said softly.

He ran a hand through his hair. "With you I get jealous. I never did before, but with you everything's different," he confessed.

She looked at the floor. "I was at Christina's last night. I didn't sleep with him."

He closed his eyes, pain hitting him, although he had suspected that to be the truth for some time now. But the implication hit him hard. He had hurt her deeply, to the point of almost losing her, and it had been for no reason.

"I know you didn't," he finally said, wrapping his arms around her, and moving to kiss her lips, but brushing her cheek instead when she turned away.

"I can't. I can't do this," she moaned, and he tightened his grip on her in response.

"Okay. It's okay," he murmured. "But I love you, and I can't lose you, Mer."

She nodded, burrowing her face into his shoulder. He hardly heard her, "I can't lose you either."

"I love you," he said again. Once he had finally said it, it was like he couldn't stop. Because it was so true, and it was something he should have told her so long ago.

"Don't say that." She moved out of his embrace. "I'm not ready for this, Derek. You hurt me, and now you're saying things. And you're saying perfect things that I want to believe, but I don't know if I can. But I want to."

"Meredith." He caught her face in his hands, and interrupted her rambling. "It's all true, but you don't have to believe me right now, and you don't have to forgive me. Just give me another chance at this, and I won't screw it up. I promise you, Mer."

She nodded shakily, her anger transformed into uncertainty. "I need time."

"Okay." He would have given her anything she could have asked for.

"Okay," she said a bit more confidently.

He pressed his forehead against hers before letting her you. "I think Katherine needs you."

"Yes," she whispered, letting him take her hand, and lead her out of the small room. He gazed at her as the walked down the hallway. He was still shaken at how close he had come to losing her, but looking at her now he realized that neither of them would have ever really let that happen. They belonged together, and, somehow, they would be okay.

**So there was the fight. Again, I'm really sorry for being a bad updater. This story is actually almost over, there are probably about five or so chapters left, and after I finish this I'm going to start another more light hearted one, and finish my other story that I have completely abandoned. **

**So this chapter. Derek apologized a lot, and Meredith was angry at first and now she's just scared because Derek loves her and she wants to just forget this and move one, but he hurt her so she's scared. Next chapter will be from her POV, so we'll get a better idea of what exactly is going on in her head.**

**And Derek. He's really sorry because he was horrible and he knows it, and he just wants Meredith to forgive him. And then he almost loses her, so he says things, and once he does he realizes he should have said them a very long time ago. But then he realizes everything is going to be okay.**

**I'm so happy I finally had a Mer/Der chapter even though it was an angsty one. It's been a while. So yeah, I already talked about overall stuff in the beginning. Please review, and I'll update again eventually. **


	23. Chapter 23

Meredith sat on the coach in front of the roaring fire in the hearth with Katherine sound asleep, cradled against her breast. Derek was across from her in an armchair with a book in hand, yet every time she looked up he was staring at her, so she couldn't imagine that he was actually reading.

She ran a hand over Katherine's soft hair that was just beginning to show a hint of curl, smiling at the little sighs Katherine made as she slept. She had been discharged from the hospital while she and Derek had been fighting in the on call room, and Meredith glad her baby didn't have to spend the night in the hospital.

"Meredith." She looked up from the baby at Derek's voice. "About this afternoon, in the on call room, do want to . . . should we, well, I don't know, talk about it?" he asked awkwardly.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said, anger creeping back into her voice.

There were so many emotions running through her regarding that incident. On one hand, she was still angry at him. Jealous is not an excuse for hurting someone. But the more easily persuaded part of her had taken over as soon as he had told her that he loved her. So she had fallen back into his arms, and more or less forgiven her. She wasn't sure yet if that had been a smart decision. She believed him, yes; his eyes didn't lie, and she knew without a doubt that she loved him too. He had hurt her though and she wasn't quite sure if she could truth him, a problem she had had several times in the past. It seemed time was the only thing on her side in this situation.

"Meredith, we should talk about it though. A lot happened." His eyes pleaded with her, and she had to look away. Those pleading eyes had gotten him much too far today.

"And we're not going to think about it. Life is just going to go on, and we're going to take time."

"Okay. Do you want me to take her up to bed?" he asked, referring to Katherine.

She shook her head. After the medical scare today she didn't want to let Katherine go. When she was in her arms, Meredith knew without a doubt that she was safe, that she was going to be okay.

"I'm sorry too," she muttered reluctantly after a moment, the guilt finally forcing her to speak to him.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" He came and sat down next to her now that she was talking.

"I should have called. Last night," she clarified, keeping her voice low so she didn't wake Katherine.

Derek gently touched her cheek and she unconsciously leaned into his warm touch, wishing she had more resistance to him.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Mer, but a call would have been nice." He tilted his head and gave her a sweet smile.

She released a shaky breath. "Derek, this is too fast. I know that we've been living together forever, and that this has been coming, but there's Addison and the fight, and I can't do this."

"Okay, Mer, okay. I said we could take time and we will, alright?"

She nodded, again falling under the charm of his voice and his eyes which were positively dripping with love for her. Somehow he always convinced her that everything would work out, and he did it without even opening his mouth. She shifted Katherine closer again her chest just for a distraction from his intent eyes.

"And about Addison, I know it's soon and that this is going to sound really bad, but I'm going to be honest with you, Mer. Our marriage has been over for years. It was going to fall apart, but then she was pregnant."

Meredith nodded again. He had more or less told her this that awful night he had officially ended things. The night he had told her Addison was pregnant.

"And I never loved her the way I love you. I've been in love with you this whole time, Mer, and really, considering all of this, it's not too soon. I've come to terms with her death, and I'm ready to move on. Ready to move on with you."

There it was again. Those words she couldn't help but love to hear, but the ones that scared her so much. It was such a step. To trust him with her heart again, after he had return it mangled and almost irreparable. It certainly was not a decision she could make it one day. If they hadn't fought today it would have been so easy. She would have fallen into his arms with only the slightest encouragement, and she would have been done. But they had fought, and with them it was never easy. The fight had only served to remind her that McDreamy was not perfect, and that his flaws could hurt her terribly.

"Derek, no. Don't do this to me. I just don't know. You hurt me a lot, and I don't know if I want to jump back into this. Please stop pressuring me."

"I'm sorry, Mer. I'll wait as long as you want. I'm not going to lose you though. We've going to make this work eventually." He sounded so certain.

She was rather torn. On one hand, she couldn't wait for this conversation to end so she could go back to avoidance and not have to think about Derek or herself, or her with Derek. Yet at the same time she desperately wanted reassurance that they would be okay, and that she would be able to have him and Katherine forever. She compromised by remaining silent.

Derek shifted closer to her so that their thighs touched. She resisted the sudden urge to shy away, and instead forced herself to relax beside him. His hand reached up to cup her face, forcing her to meet his eyes.

"Promise me you'll give this a chance, Mer? You can have all the time you need, but please promise that we'll try," he implored, and she felt herself giving in.

"I don't know how this is going to work," she admitted.

"Well that's easy." Derek smiled at her, keeping her face captive, his thumb stroking her cheek. "You'll finally give into my charms." Her giggle interrupted him for a moment before his voice lost the teasing note. "And we'll be deliriously happy."

"Oh," she responded, feeling rather ineloquent. He was right, she knew, well mostly. But it was the mostly part that scared her, the times where they wouldn't be happy. She knew from experience that it hurt worse when she trusted him completely.

"So . . ." he prodded.

"Okay," she finally forced herself to say. "But you have to promise me one thing."

"Anything." And she truly believed that he would have given her anything she could have asked for.

"Promise that you'll give me time. That we won't mention this conversation again until I bring it up and that everything will go back to the way it was." If he could give her that she felt that she could deal with this. Or at least avoid it for a while.

"Of course. Anything else?" She could see the slightest worry flickering across his face at the promise he had just made.

She shook her head, and to reassure him added, "I won't take forever, Derek."

"Good." He leaned across the space between them, and softly kissed her mouth, sealing their agreement.

She stood up as soon as he drew away, needing to get away from the emotions overwhelming her. "I'm going to put Katherine to bed," she told him, motioning to the sleeping baby in her arms.

"Okay. Need any help?"

She shook her head again. That would defeat the purpose of her escaping him. She wasn't sure how she would get through this indefinite idea of time she had placed between them. Not when she melted every time he looked at her in that certain way or when he was physically near her. It was different before when she had pushed him away because of Addison's death. Now she truly did believe that they were both ready to move on from that. The only thing between them was her own doubts, and somehow that seemed like something that would be much harder to overcome. _Which is ridiculous,_ she thought. _What can be worse than a dead wife?_

But, of course, they were Meredith and Derek and it seemed like there would always be something standing between them.

**Wow, that ended on a depressing note. Sorry. And sorry for not updating in like forever. I was going to Thursday, but then Meredith was dead, and I was up for 19 hours yesterday, so it didn't happen then either because I was tired. Anyways, enough excuses.**

**So, this was suppose to be a happy chapter, but I guess it worked out okay because they needed to talk about things realistically, and Meredith had to have these doubts. But now Meredith knows how Derek feels, and they're taking time. **

**The next chapter should be happy, and I'll try really hard to have it up soon. Please review!! Please.**


	24. Chapter 24

It had been over a month since Derek had promised Meredith time. And it had been the most frustrating month of his life. Nothing had changed, yet everything had changed. They were still Meredith and Derek; raising Katherine, teasing, just enjoying each other's company, but there was this huge, intangible, emotional connection they couldn't escape from. And frankly, he didn't want to escape from it. It was a surreal feeling he couldn't get past, and it seemed they would be stuck in this strange limbo until she finally decided she was done with time.

"Alright, Katherine, princess, let's go get you dinner," he said brightly to Katherine as he lifted her out of her playpen.

She started to cry when he strapped her into the highchair, still preferring her bottles to solids. "You're okay," he murmured, handing her a toy that had fallen on the floor as distraction.

Derek mixed some disgusting looking mush claiming to be bananas into rice cereal, heating it slightly before carrying it over to Katherine. "Oh, yummy, look at this."

She squawked in protest, turning her head away, and the spoonful of the stuff ended up in her hair.

"Katherine, please eat." Derek tried again, this time hindered by her hands pushing away the spoon. He sighed, frustrated. It was fun watching Katherine grow, but sometimes he wished she were still as complacent as she had been three months ago, instead of almost six months old complete with a stubborn personality. He glanced at his watch. Meredith had just gotten off. Maybe Katherine could wait to eat until she got home. Katherine always cooperated more for her.

To Derek's relief, the garage door opened after a few more failed attempts to feed Katherine.

"Mer, thank God you're here. Can you get Katherine to eat?"

"Yeah, sure." She seemed kind of distracted, shrugging out of her jacket, putting down her purse and keys. "Just a minute."

He leaned over and kissed her cheek when she was close enough. "You okay?"

Taking Katherine's food from his hand, she nodded. "I'm fine. Really fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?" Her rambling instantly showed him that contrary to her words, she was not fine.

"You just seem kind of distracted." He ran his fingers through her hair, wrapping some of it around his hand. He wished desperately that she would let him show more affection, but he knew this was the unwritten limit. And he respected that. He didn't like it, but he respected it.

She didn't respond, instead murmured to Katherine, getting her to smile and giving Meredith an opportunity to get the full spoon in her mouth.

Not wanting to press her, but still curious, he had to ask, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Meredith ignored him. "You know, we really have to do something so Katherine will eat this better," she said, her voice falsely cheerful.

Humoring her, he nodded his agreement. "Daycare complained when I picked her up today."

"Don't know what we can do though." She scraped Katherine's bowl, feeding her the last couple of bites.

"Well, at least she eats for you." Derek lifted Katherine out of her highchair, holding her body away from him. Her face and hair was coated with mush, and it covered her hands and went halfway up her arms. Meredith reached behind her neck and took off the bib.

"Just throw her in the tub. We'll never get her clean otherwise." Meredith tossed the bib into the laundry room, following him up the stairs. Usually a comment like that would be followed by a teasing remark about how he was incompetent where it came to feeding the baby. He wondered what was up with her tonight.

He teased her, wondering what kind of reaction he would get. "We could just put her in her crib, and jump in the tub together. It would probably be more fun." Winking, he let his eyes tell her he was talking in jest.

Inside of a flush and a smack, she full out blushed, wringing her hands, and avoiding his eyes nervously. "We can't do that, Derek. It would be wrong. Child abuse almost. No, we have to take care of Katherine because she's a baby and she's dirty, and . . ."

When she paused for breath he cut her off. "Mer, I was teasing you, calm down. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine. Let's just bathe Katherine, okay?" She sat down on the edge of the tub and started filling it, not wait for a response.

"Okay." It seemed best just to agree with her and not push her. If it really was nothing, then she would be fine, and he liked to think that if something was wrong she would tell him when she was ready. Sitting down on the closed toilet, he undressed Katherine handing her to Meredith when he was done.

"So how was work today? You were with Burke, right?" Derek asked, watching her gentle hands rub shampoo into Katherine's hair.

She shrugged. "Yeah it was fine."

This was making him concerned. Meredith never acted like this, so drawn into herself and reserved. He knew she had scrubbed in on a double bypass with Burke, and while that may not be the most exciting surgery ever, usually she would have said at least something about it. "Is that your favorite word right now?"

"What?" She was genuinely confused.

"Fine. I bet you've said it twenty times since you got home."

She shrugged again and didn't answer right away, now rising the suds out of Katherine's hair with a cup. "Derek, well, I don't know, we should talk soonish."

He jumped on the opening she was giving him. The chance to communicate and figure out what was bugging her. "Okay." He paused for a moment. "Now it's laterish, let's talk."

He had succeeded in eliciting a giggle from her, and it somehow seemed like a much bigger success than it actually was.

"Christina's engaged," Meredith suddenly blurted out.

Derek blinked, wondering both where Meredith's comment and Christina's engagement had come from. "Yang's getting hitched?"

"Yes, to Burke. They're having a baby, and getting married, and Christina's happy." She looked down at Katherine to focus on washing her body, and mumbled something Derek couldn't quite catch.

"What was that?"

She turned her face away from him again, and, acting shyer than usual, mumbled, "I think it's been long enough."

Not sure what she was talking about he asked, "What do you mean?"

Instead of answering, she rinsed off Katherine and lifted her out of the tub. That was strange too. Usually they let Katherine play in the tub for a while, and there was still plenty of time before her bedtime.

"Meredith?" He spread a towel out on his lap and accepted the baby, not commenting on the shorten bath.

"Time, Derek. I think it's been enough time." She seemed frustrated that he hadn't caught on right away.

The grin spread across his face as soon as he realized her meaning. "Seriously?"

She smiled a little. "I think so."

Even with towel-wrapped Katherine in one arm, he stood up and pulled Meredith in for a real kiss with his other arm. He kept it short and soft, knowing that he would have to keep holding Katherine, something that may be difficult to concentrate on with Meredith's tongue in his mouth.

"I think you're right," he declared once he let her go.

The nervousness had faded from her eyes, and she gave him a real smile. "I want to give us a shot, Derek."

He felt like he was floating. Never in his life had he been quite so happy. Nothing could trump Meredith telling him that she wanted to try again. "You cannot imagine how happy I am to hear those words, Mer." He couldn't resist kissing her again.

"I'm happy too. Like really happy. Actually happy in a complete un-Meredith way that's . . ."

Though the rambling was adorable, he cut her off with another kiss, revealing in his renewed right to do so. Katherine squirmed in his arms, making him aware of her presence once again. "Mer, I think that we should put Katherine to bed really quickly, and then we'll talk. Or maybe not talk." He kissed her again suggestively. It had been too long since he had felt her lips on his own, and now he couldn't stop kissing her. Not that he wanted to stop kissing her.

"I think that's an excellent idea." With another giggle, she took his hand and pulled him out of the bathroom.

**So they're happy. Yay. And Katherine's getting so big. And this story's almost over. Lot's of changes. Personally, I liked this chapter. Meredith was being all shy and nervous about telling Derek, and Derek was confused and then really happy and all cute and in love with Meredith.**

**Next chapter will be from Mer's pov and pick up slightly after this one, so you'll get her thoughts on this, why she decided it was long enough, etc. And hopefully it will be up soon, but we'll see.**

**Thanks for reading, and please review. **


	25. Chapter 25

**WARNING: Part of this chapter is rated M. It's sectioned off between the GAGA so don't read it if you are offended. **

**On with the story . . .**

The putting-Katherine-to-bed-early plan failed miserably, and an hour later all three of them sat on the living room floor.

Meredith handed Katherine a ball. "Here, Katherine, this is a ball. Can you say ball? Ball."

Katherine shrieked excitedly, rocking back and forth, reaching for the ball. "Be, be!"

"Close enough." Meredith handed her the ball, and it went straight to her mouth as everything did these days.

"Hey, princess, what about be, be, bed?" Derek asked.

Giggling, Meredith looked over at him. He seemed rather put out by all the energy Katherine had been displaying for the past hour, but had he really expected her to go to bed two hours early? She could tell though that he desperately wanted Katherine out of the way, and admittedly, she agreed with him. They needed to talk about the implications of no more time, and where exactly they would go from here. _And sex might be good. _It had been a very long time for her, after all.

Scrutinizing Katherine closely, Meredith said, "I think she might sleep now."

"Really?" Derek looked like Christmas had come early.

"Yeah, she's doing the ear rubbing thing." Katherine tended to rub her ears when she was tired.

"I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about, but okay." He swept Katherine up into his arms. "Bed time, Katherine."

Meredith got Katherine's bottle ready before heading up to Katherine's bedroom. Derek had apparently already read to her, and now had her laying in one arm, ready for her bottle. Meredith handed it to him and sat down on the footstool.

"So, Mer, what does this mean, exactly?"

"What does what mean?" She wasn't quite sure what he was talking about.

"Well, you said you wanted to give us a shot. How exactly do we go about doing that?"

Meredith blushed and shifted uncomfortably. She knew exactly she wanted; she just didn't know how to put words to her thoughts. Today Christina had been so happy, well, in her own way. She had Burke and they were having a baby. Meredith wasn't quite sure why Christina's happiness had made her want to make it work with Derek, but somehow she had suddenly known it was the right thing do to. It would make them both happier. They already had the baby; they just needed each other now.

"Um, well, I'm not sure. We should date maybe, talk?"

Derek laughed, which was not exactly an encouraging reaction. "We already talk, and when would we have time to date? We both work all the time and we have a baby."

There was that word, we. He used it all the time. Maybe now they could really be we in the true sense of the word. "Okay, I don't know."

Laughing again, Derek shifted Katherine to his shoulder to burp her. "Why don't you think about that?"

As Katherine finished her bottle, they struggled to have a conversation. It was strange. Things were never awkward between them. It could get weird, but never awkward like this where they couldn't have a decent conversation. If it was going to be like this she wanted to go back.

But then work came up, and they fell into an easy conversation involving surgeries and the current gossip about their coworkers. Meredith found it hilarious that Derek always seemed to have the best dirt on everything and everyone.

Derek set Katherine's bottle on top of her short bookcase when she had finished it.

"Here, want to hold her for a minute?" Derek held Katherine out to Meredith.

Nodding, Meredith accepted the baby, holding her close. She savored these moments when Katherine was so relaxed and would just let Meredith hold her. They occurred less and less frequently as she grew older and more independent.

After a minute, Meredith kissed Katherine on the cheek, and then laid her down in her crib, gently covering her with a soft blanket.

"Night, Katherine," Derek said from behind her, reaching his arm around her to stroke a finger down Katherine's velvety cheek.

They quietly left her bedroom, turning off the light and gently closing the door.

"Come on." Meredith followed Derek downstairs so their voices wouldn't keep Katherine from falling asleep.

They ended up on the living room coach, Meredith with a diet coke and Derek with a beer. Meredith faced him, and they stared at each for a moment, neither wanting to be the first to break the silence.

To Meredith's relief, Derek cleared his throat, and started the conversation with an ineloquent, "So, uh, Meredith . . ."

"Um, are you still okay with this, Derek? I know it's been a kind of a long time, and I was wondering if maybe you were having second thoughts. Maybe you don't want to do this anymore." She hated her rambling habit. It was an awful way to deal with nerves because all it accomplished was announcing to the whole room that she was nervous.

"Are you kidding? Of course I want to do this. I've wanted this forever. You know that I love you, Mer." His gaze smothered her, and she looked down at her hands.

There was another point that was bothering her. It was one that she really didn't want to bring up, but it had to be addressed. "You hurt me a lot. You have to promise you won't anymore."

Derek was silent for a long moment, and Meredith grew nervous. Was the promise not to hurt her something that was too hard for him to make?

"Meredith, look at me." She obeyed without thought. "Mer, you know this isn't going to be perfect. It will never work if we go into it thinking that everything will be perfect. Sometimes we're going to fight. You'll yell, I'll yell. And, Mer, sometimes we're going to hurt each other because that happens. We hurt the people we love sometimes."

Meredith hadn't even realized she had looked away until she felt Derek's hand under her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. "But I can promise you that I will never intentionally hurt you. And when I do hurt you, I promise I will always come back to help fix you. Meredith Grey, I never walking away again. I'm done. You've it for me."

She couldn't stop the tears that were running down her face. Derek's little speech may have been cheesy, but it left her with no doubt that he had meant every word. And it gave her real hope that they could actually make it for the long haul.

"Hey, hey, don't cry." Derek wiped the tears from her face. "This is the happily-ever-after part, so you don't get to cry."

She choked back her tears and smiled at him. "We can do this, right?"

"There's never been a doubt in my mind."

"Okay." She nodded to try to quell her nerves. "Okay."

And then Derek was laying her back on the coach and smashing his lips against hers. Her coke fell from her hand onto the floor, where it presumably spilled all over the carpet. It would be hell to clean up later, but Meredith couldn't bring herself to care. Not when Derek's mouth was all over her face and neck, kissing her like he would never again have the opportunity.

"I love you, Mer. I love you so much." His mouth went to the neckline of her shirt, and Meredith curled her fingers into his hair, tugging him gently back up to her lips.

His hands stopped roaming her body long enough to find hers and entwine their fingers together. He held her hands on either side of her head as he kissed her deeply. She opened her mouth to his probing tongue and gave into the sensations it evoked in her. It had been too long since anyone had kissed her like this. So full of promise and love.

They kissed for a long time, hands still not moving from faces and hair. Meredith felt almost lethargic laying on the coach, memorizing the feel of his mouth on hers. But eventually, hands started to roam again, and Meredith worked frantically to unbutton his shirt, no longer lazy and relaxed with his hands all over her body.

When Meredith finally managed to free Derek of his shirt he pulled back a little. "Mer, are you sure you've ready for this?"

She smiled. "Make love to me, Derek."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek grinned in response and eased his hands under her shirt, bringing it up and over her head. His mouth and hands were instantly all over the newly exposed skin. Meredith moaned and, with her hands in his hair once again, pushed his mouth into her cleavage.

"Derek." Her hands left his hair to travel across the smooth planes of his back, marveling at the soft skin on top of the hard muscles. She felt him reach behind her and deftly unsnap her bra, and she worked at his belt in response.

Her hands were caught between them when Derek suddenly wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply, their bare chests pressed tightly together. His hand tangled in her hair, and the other was kept firmly on her back, holding them close together.

Finally, she broke the kiss, panting slightly as she gently bit his bottom lip before fumbling with his belt once again.

"Here." His warm hands touched hers, and unbuckled the belt in a matter of seconds.

Before she could take advantage of the loosened belt, Derek had unbuttoned her own pants, and was easing them down her legs. And suddenly it was impossible to think because he had cast the pants aside and was touching her. Even through her panties it had her squirming and bucking beneath him. It had been far too long since any man had touched her so intimately.

And then her panties joined the rest of her clothing on the floor and she was left completely naked on the coach.

"You're beautiful, Mer."

The way he said it left no doubt in her mind that he really did see her that way, and she smiled slightly, pressing her hips against him in need. "Please, Derek."

"Shh, Mer. Be patient."

Derek proceeded to kiss his way down her entire body, licking and nipping at her skin. Any fleeting thought that didn't involve him and what he was doing to her had left her mind by the time he reached her inner thighs, and her body clenched when his mouth reached its ultimate goal. Her vision blurred as his mouth worked her, and she almost went over the edge completely when his fingers delved inside of her.

She moaned some version of his name, and he whispered something to her that she couldn't comprehend. Her orgasm took over her at the sensation of his fingers thrusting in and out of her, and she cried out in pleasure as she clutched at his back.

When she opened her eyes, and had recovered at least some of her ability to think, Derek had stripped of his pants, and was clearly ready to enter her, waiting only for permission.

"Derek," she moaned, spreading her legs wider, and lifting her hips off the coach so he could gently press himself into her. She whimpered pathetically when he didn't move for a moment, wanting nothing more than to feel him move in and out of her body.

He soon began thrusting into her, rather slowly and gently, as if she would break if he wasn't careful. She wrapped her legs around him, and urged him to go faster, attempting to control the rhythm even though she was caught beneath him.

Eventually he obeyed her whimpered demands and increased the tempo until their bodies were shinning with sweat and they were both panting from the effort. She could felt herself coming close to finishing again, and, if she still knew him as well as she thought, he was too. And then one strong orgasm triggered the other, and they clung to each other as their bodies gave way to pleasure and oblivion.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

_This is bliss._ That was the only thought that could occupy Meredith's mind as she lay underneath Derek, trying to recover from their lovemaking.

"Derek?" she whispered when she could speak again.

"Hmm?" He moved slightly so he could pull out of her, and she sighed sadly at the loss of the intimate connection.

"I love you."

He smiled softly and their eyes meet. "I love you too." He kissed her gently, teasing her lips with his own.

She sighed contently. "I know."

He nuzzled her neck. "You'll never know how much."

Closing her eyes, she let her head loll back, giving him more access to her neck. "As much as I love you," she mumbled lethargically.

"Nope. I love you more." He moved his lips to nibble on her ear.

"Nu-ah." With a sudden burst of energy she rolled herself on top of him. Unfortunately, she didn't take into account that the size of the coach didn't allow for much rolling, and Meredith ended up on top of him on the floor.

Meredith giggled hysterically, and, needing to get in the last word, said quickly, "I love you more."

Instead of smiling and continuing the argument, Derek made a face. "Ug. Mer, why is the carpet wet and sticky?"

"That would be spilled coke."

He wrinkled his nose again, and before she could react, he had gathered her into his arms, and lifted her off the floor. Consenting to let him carry her, she put her arms around his neck and hooked her ankles around his back.

"We're finishing this in the shower."

She grinned wickedly. "Let's do the bendy thing."

He laughed and carried her up the stairs. "Well, I don't know . . ." he teased.

Taking advantage of the position she was in, she rubbed herself again him and kissed him neck. "Please, Derek," she purred.

"Okay," he groaned immediately. "Stop that, or I'm going to drop you."

Giggling again, she did stop, not really wanting them both to tumble down the stairs. They made it to Derek's bathroom without incident, and he set her down in the shower. Reaching around her, he turned the water on, and pressed her against the wall, kissing her.

"I love you forever," he whispered, pulled away to press their foreheads together.

"Yeah. I love you forever too."

And in that moment, Meredith somehow knew that their words would survive the test of time, and that she and Derek really would make it.

**So that was long, and sometimes cute, sometimes cheesy, sometimes porny, sometimes serious. Okay I'm done. It was a lot of things, but most importantly, Mer/Der are happy and will continue to be for the rest of the story. All three chapters of it.**

**I thought this chapter turned out pretty okay. I don't have many thoughts on it. Meredith finally trusts Derek again, and Derek promised not to walk away, and it just seems like everything is going to be okay now. Finally. **

**Please review and tell me what you thought.**


	26. Chapter 26

Derek woke up to the blaring of an alarm clock. Groaning, he rolled over to turn it off, confused for a moment when he came into contact with soft skin. And then he remembered the night before. How perfect it had been. When Meredith had told him she was done with time, and they had almost spent more time making love than sleeping. Which would explain why she was naked in his bed.

Quickly he turned off the alarm, not wanting to disturb her slumber. She was so beautiful right now with her hair impossibly tangled and her breasts just visible above the blankets hiding the rest of her body from view.

Meredith moaned, and rolled towards him. As much as he regretted it, they had to get up for work. It was already five thirty, and she had rounds and he had an eight o'clock surgery.

Running a hand down her soft back, he whispered, "Come on, Mer, you've got to wake up."

"No," she moaned, burrowing deep into the blankets.

"Yes," he moaned back, mocking her slightly.

She didn't answer right away, burying her face in the pillow instead. "No," she mumbled without moving her head.

"Yep. Come on." He tugged the blankets off of her.

That got her up. She sat up quickly as the cold air assaulted her, giving him a nice view of her body. "Derek Shepard! Give me that back right now!"

He pretended to consider. "Um . . . No!"

"Derek!" She attacked him, and he caught her easily, rolling back with her onto the bed. Pinning her down to the mattress with his body, he leaned close to whisper in her ear. "If you get up now we can shower tog-"

But then Katherine's cries registered on the baby monitor.

"Or not," he groaned, letting Meredith up. "I'll go. You get ready first."

"Later," she promised, and he enthusiastically nodded his agreement as he pulled on his boxers and a t-shirt.

He was really resenting his daughter's sleeping habits as he watched Meredith walk naked down the hall to her own room. Really, what baby actually wakes up at five thirty? _One who has surgeon parents who get her up before the sun at least four days a week._

But any resentment he may have had melted away when he saw Katherine sitting up in her crib, her crying stopping when she saw him come in. She reached her arms towards him to be picked up.

"Hey there, princess. Are you ready to get up?" he cooed, lifting her out of the crib.

"So, Katherine, you have to go to daycare this morning, but daddy only has one surgery today, so I'll pick you up early," he said conversationally as he picked out Katherine's outfit. Setting her on the changing table he continued, "Then we'll come home and eat lunch and play, and I think mommy will be home before dinner, so we'll all eat together. But you might have to go to bed early again because I don't think I'll want to share mommy with you for very long. Does that sound good?"

Katherine made a little sound that Derek took as affirmative, and pulled off her sock.

"Hey, I just put that on you." He put the sock back on and carried her out of the bedroom.

In the kitchen, he put her in her high chair, buckling her in, before attaching the tray. "Are you going to be a good eater today, Katherine?"

She shrieked and banged her hand on the tray.

"I think that means no," Meredith said from behind him.

"You're fast." He kissed her cheek out of habit, before remembering that they were done with that. He hugged her around the waist, drawing her close so he could greet her with a proper kiss.

She pulled out of his arms as he began to get a tad carried away. "No feeling me up in front of the baby."

"She doesn't care." Derek attempted to kiss her again, but she ducked away laughing.

"Derek, seriously."

After so long without her, he couldn't seem to keep his hands away. "Katherine agreed to go to bed early again, so I'll feel you up then."

"Derek, you can't do that to her," Meredith laughed. "You'll have to realize that with a baby you don't get sex whenever you want."

He pouted at her. "You're no fun."

"Oh, I can be lots of fun," she purred, seductively pressing herself against him for a moment. "But only when Katherine is sleeping," she clarified, jumping away when he made a grab for her.

He gave into the urge to laugh, ignoring the sexual frustration. She was right, as always.

"You're hair is still wet," he observed, changing the subject.

"Yeah. I thought I'd save you from feeding her. I have to dry it before we leave."

"Well, that was nice of you to save me." He kissed her briefly. "I'm going to be lonely in the shower."

"Derek," she warned, giving him her best stern glare.

"Okay, okay," he laughed, going upstairs to shower alone.

By six-thirty Derek was tucking Katherine into her car seat, and Meredith was stumbling into the garage, her hair finally dry. She unlocked her own car, throwing her bag into the backseat.

"Hey, aren't you coming with me?" Derek asked.

"No, I get off five hours later than you. I'll need a car to get home."

"I suppose so." He shut Katherine's door, and walked around his car to hers. "I'll miss you." Putting a hand on either side of her head, he pressed her against the car and kissed her.

"Derek, you'll see me in ten minutes."

"Too long. Can I request you for my surgery today?" He caught her hand when she turned to open her car door.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Derek. We can't keep our hands off each other."

"On the contrary, Dr. Grey, I think it's an excellent idea. It could be quite educational," he said in a low voice.

"Derek . . ." He was pleased to observe the effect he had on her, and noted the tremble in her voice. "Sex on the operating table can never be good."

He laughed and kissed her quickly. "Think about it. I'll see you in a few."

Reaching around her, he opened her door, gallantly taking her hand to help her into the car. "Drive safe," he advised, shutting the door once she was settled.

She smiled at him threw the window, and blew him a kiss. _Ten minutes is going to seem really long, _he thought as he got in his own car, backing out after her.

Soon though, they were at the hospital, and Derek maneuvered his car into the spot beside Meredith. Ignoring the urge to go make out with Meredith, he got Katherine and her things out of the car, settling her securely against him.

"So I've been thinking . . ." Meredith came up behind him.

"Me too. I was remembering how hot it was when you did that thing with your leg."

She glowered at him teasingly. "Right, when I fell off the bed. Hot. No, Derek, I was actually not thinking about sex, surprise, surprise."

"You're cute when you try to be sarcastic." He kissed her nose. "What were you thinking?"

She suddenly lost the teasing edge, and looked slightly uncomfortable. "Well, last time we did this, people found out, and it was kind of a thing."

He choked back his laughter at her vague rambling, somehow understanding what she was talking about.

Shifting from foot to foot, Meredith continued, "I just think we should keep it a secret until we tell the chief and Bailey straight out."

"Basically, you're telling me to keep my hands off you at work?"

"Um, yeah, pretty much. I don't really want to tell them quite yet, okay?"

"Okay." Taking advantage of the empty parking lot, he kissed her quickly. "But I have one condition."

Meredith smirked slightly. "What?"

"Elevators and on call rooms don't count. And roofs," he added in an afterthought.

"Roofs?" she giggled. God, he loved hearing her giggle like that.

"Yep. You never know what can happen on a roof."

To his delight, she giggled again. "I suppose I can accept the condition."

"That's good because you didn't really have a choice."

She ducked her head, but he saw she was smiling beneath the curtain of her hair. He grinned in response, moving the hair with one hand before leaning in to kiss her one more time before they went into the hospital together.

**This is actually only the first half of the chapter which is why a. it's short and b. nothing happened. There is some (admittedly small) plot in this chapter, but it's coming in the second half. It was originally just going to be one part, but then I realized that the end had to be Mer's POV and then I decided to split it here and make it from Mer for the rest. And I decided to be nice and post this now so you all wouldn't have to wait for so long.**

**This chapter was so much fun to write. Mer/Der fluff, it doesn't get better than that. Derek was cute and really wanted more sex, but Mer was being all reasonable and prevents them from having sex on the kitchen table (which may have been fun, but Katherine would have been watching which is just sick and twisted). But Mer totally wants it too. And basically they are just happy and cute, and it makes me happy. **

**So because I was so nice and posted this half instead making you all wait, and because it was fluffy Mer/Der, please review.**

**Review please.**


	27. Chapter 27

Meredith wanted sex. She was horny. The beast was hungry. It all meant the same thing. The beast had been feed well last night, but it was still very hungry. And Derek was standing there looking deliciously tempting. His beast was hungry too; he had certainly made that clear this morning.

Control was hanging by a thread, that thread being Katherine whom Meredith did not wish to corrupt, and the need to maintain some sense of decency in front of her coworkers. But the thread was unrevealing as Meredith watched Derek sign Katherine into daycare.

"Mer, are you okay?"

Derek was standing in front of her, looking mildly concerned. She realized belatedly what he had asked her. "What? Oh, um, yeah, I'm good."

"Deep thoughts?" His eyes teased her, making it clear that his thoughts were in the gutter with hers.

"Yep," she replied lightly, acting as though she had completely missed his point. Taking Katherine from his arms, she distracted herself for a moment. "Have fun today, Katherine Rose. Be a good girl."

After lightly brushing her lips across Katherine's forehead, Meredith handed her to the waiting volunteer.

Waving to Katherine, Meredith and Derek left the daycare to go wait for the elevator.

"I definitely cannot scrub in with you today," she told him as they waited.

"Why not?"

For some reason, Meredith decided to be honest. "I want sex and you're looking really porny right now. It's kind of a problem."

Derek smirked at her, his expression filled with boyish satisfaction at the effect he had on her. "For the record, you wanting sex is never a problem."

She forced herself to be practical. "In the OR it is a problem."

Laughing he agreed with her. "You're right, and it probably is best that we don't stand next to each other for hours right now."

"Yep, it's best." She bit her lip and smiled up at him, knowing there was dirty in her eyes. There was certainly dirty in his eyes.

The ding of the elevator drew their attention from one other, and they stepped on once the doors had opened. Onto an empty elevator.

Meredith would never know who moved first, but almost before the doors had closed, they were in the center of the elevator, lips fused together. Her body hummed with desire at the first contact, intensifying when Derek backed her into the walled.

"We should . . . elevator . . . stop." Meredith couldn't get a coherent sentence out because Derek kept interrupting her with kisses. _Oh well, the elevators are slow enough. There's lots of time to find the emergency stop bottom before the fourth floor._

Giving into his kiss, she enthusiastically returned it, forcing their tongues into his mouth, and flipping them so he was pressed against the wall. His hand grappled for her thigh, and, finding it, he lifted her leg up to his waist and pulled her closed. Meredith, thankful that she was rather flexible, let him have his way with her, and melted against his body.

"Meredith!" a voice cried out, sounding rather horrified.

Derek was suddenly pushing her away from him, making sure she had regained her footing before letting go. Dazed, it took Meredith a moment to realize what had happened. The elevator had stopped far too soon, and Christina was standing outside the open doors gaping at them.

Meredith was flooded with a sort of horrified relief. On one hand, she couldn't believe she and Derek had gotten caught; that they had been so wrapped up in each other they hadn't even noticed the elevator stopping. But if they had to be caught, at least it was by Christina. Meredith would have told her about her and Derek anyways.

"Meredith, you just won me money!" Christina shocked had faded into an amused delight, much to Meredith's dismay.

"No, Christina, this is Vegas. No one hears about this yet."

"I caught you fucking McDreamy on an elevator. I get to tell people about this one," Christina gloated, too loudly for Meredith's comfort.

Reaching out, she yanked Christina onto the elevator, looking around to make sure Christina hadn't attracted the attention of anyone else. It seemed that down here, people were more interested in their jobs than Christina's outburst. Maybe the gossiping was just a surgeon thing.

"You are my person. This is not something that can get out yet, okay?" Meredith said in a way that made it clear it was not a question. "And we were kissing," she added forcefully.

"Okay, fine it's Vegas," Christina agreed, quickly catching the closing elevator doors with her arm.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked, confused as to why Christina would be getting off the elevator.

Laughing, Christina asked, "Do you really think I want to ride an elevator with you two? There is a reason stairs were invented."

Meredith scowled, which only made Christina laugh harder. The doors finally shut on Christina's "I get details later."

Clearing her throat, Meredith turned to Derek, who looked far too assumed with the whole situation.

Turning her scowl on him, she asserted, "That was not funny."

"Yes it was." He drew her back into his arms. "And you are adorable when you're mad."

"I am not adorable."

Derek kissed her quickly. "You are. And I love it. I love you."

Unable to stop her smile, she countered with, "Well you're dreamy," knowing how he hated the name.

It didn't faze him. "I guess we make a pretty cute couple, then."

Knowing she would never win the banter, she changed the subject. "I can't believe we got caught."

Derek chuckled. "I didn't even hear the doors open."

"Me either," she giggled. "At least it was Christina. The chances of that were like zero."

"We're pretty lucky."

"Maybe the elevators should count," she considered, realizing they had been caught after being in the hospital for about five minutes.

"I don't think so," Derek said, immediately catching the reference to their previous conversation about locations that didn't count as work.

"But Derek . . ."

He cut her off with another deep kiss. "You don't want the elevator to count," he whispered in a low voice.

"Okay," she agreed without hesitation, still shaky from the sensations he evoked in her.

He smirked, stealing another kiss before the doors opened.

"I'll see you later, Dr. Grey," he told her as they walked off the elevator.

She smiled softly and returned the sentiment, walking in the opposite direction towards the locker room.

Christina and Izzie were already there and in the process of changing. "Mer!" Izzie exclaimed, excited even for Izzie which was saying something. "Was that you and McDreamy I saw making out in the parking lot?"

Christina snorted in amusement, and Meredith felt her stomach sink. This secret thing was not going so well. "Um, no, I don't know what you're talking about," she lied.

Izzie saw right through it. "Oh, I'm sure it was just another couple that looked exactly like you guys, and had the same cars and the same baby."

"Stop with the sarcasm," Christina ordered. "But it was them, I'm sure. I caught them in the elevator just now."

"Christina," Meredith groaned. "It was Vegas."

"She knew anyways, it doesn't count."

"So you slept with him? Spill, Mer. Was it good?" Suddenly Meredith was faced with two very eager faces; apparently her previously boring life had deprived them of gossip for too long.

Meredith rolled her eyes, and opened her locker. "Of course it was good," she muttered so they would stop bothering her.

"So are you guys like a couple now?" Christina asked.

Hesitating for a moment, Meredith said, "I guess. We haven't really talked about it yet."

Before they could bombard her with more questions, George and Alex came in, and she glared at Izzie and Christina, making it clear that more questions would not be appreciated. Changing silently, Meredith couldn't stop the small smile that had been almost permanently glued on her face since last night. Everything had finally come together, the rest was just details. She and Derek were going to be happy.

"Whoa, someone got laid last night," Alex said suddenly, catching sight of Meredith's face.

Meredith felt a telltale blush flood her face. "I did not," she said, all the while knowing denying it was useless.

"Liar. Was it Shepard?" Meredith non-responsiveness was apparently considered to mean yes. "Damn, you couldn't have waited another month?"

"No, she couldn't have," Christina jumped in. "What do you owe me, Alex? Like two hundred."

Alex mumbled something about later.

"You know, you guys don't always have to bet on me," Meredith grumbled.

"Mer, this is so cute," Izzie gushed. "You two are finally together, and you have little Katherine. It's just adorable. I'm so happy for you."

"Well, it is about time," Christina chimed in. "You've only been in love with him forever." Her smile let Meredith know that she was just as happy for her as Izzie was.

"Yeah, this will be good for the kid. It is serious, though, right?" Alex asked.

"Um, yeah, I think it is." Meredith admitted. "But none of this is getting out. I've kept secrets for everyone single one of you, so you owe me. No one else hears about this." But Meredith already knew it was hopeless. All of her friends had found out in a matter of minutes, and that would most likely be the indication for when the rest of the hospital would find out.

"So are you guys keeping it a secret again?" George asked.

"Only for a while. We're telling the chief and Bailey eventually."

"Okay, less gossip more medicine," Bailey said by way of greeting. "O'Malley, Karev, why the hell aren't you changed? Rounds started two minutes ago, let's move."

**So remember last chapter when I said I split this original chapter into two parts, and there would be plot in the second half? Well now it has become 3 parts because it's just so long, and judge for yourself if there was plot. Yeah. But I decided that Mer/Der deserve to be happy and fluffy, and it is just so fun to write. And something (small and probably insignificant) will happen in the next part, and I promise this will not turn into 4 parts. It in case you were wondering, this long chapter threw off my predictions for the length of this. There are still three updates left (approximately because the next part may be longer than anticipated too).**

**Hope you enjoyed that. Personally, I thought it was funny when Christina caught them on the elevator, and just generally how all her friends found out in about five minutes. And that was plot. **

**Please review. The never-ending chapter will end asap.**


	28. Chapter 28

"Dr. Shepard, you paged?" Meredith asked, standing in the doorway to his office.

Derek glanced up from his chart, swinging his legs off his desk and sitting up when he saw it was her. "Dr. Shepard? This morning it was Derek, now it's Dr. Shepard?"

"Cute." But Meredith couldn't stop from smiling, remembering the last time he had said that to her.

"Come in, Mer. Or is it Dr. Grey?" He laughed at her mock scowl. "And shut the door."

"People are going to think you're seducing interns in here," Meredith said, obeying him, then sitting down on his desk facing him.

"Do you want me to seduce you?" He stood up, coming to stand between her swinging legs.

"Maybe." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, pulling away after only a moment. "What do you need me for, Dr. Shepard?"

"Tease." He kissed her again. "I just wanted to say goodbye. It was going to be strictly professional, but you broke your own rule."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well . . ." He ran a finger down her nose. "This office counts as work, but you just can't keep your hands off of me." He kept his voice serious.

She giggled, and he grinned himself at the sound.

"If it's work, I guess I'll have to be professional for now on," she said with a dramatic sigh, moving to get off his desk.

" Oh no you don't." He caught her around her waist to stop her. "I've got you just where I want you." Pulling her closer, he greeted her properly with a long, deep kiss.   
"Umm, I've missed you," he moaned when he broke the kiss, still holding her close against him.

Her fingers wove into his hair, twirling it around them and tugging gently. He just loved that feeling. Actually, her touching him anywhere was a good feeling.

"Mer, how did I go so long without you?"

She leaned her cheek against his. "I've been asking myself the same thing."

"We won't do it again. Now that I've got you, you're never going anywhere," he told her forcefully. His voice took a more teasing tone. "You're stuck with me Dr. Grey."

"So what happens now?"

"Well, I was thinking that we would take advantage of my private office before I leave," he told her flirtatiously, praying she would take him up on that offer.

"That's not what I meant, Derek." He saw her serious face, and knew she would need to talk before he could tease her anymore.

"What did you mean?" he asked her gently. "Tell me what's on your mind; I'll listen."

She wrung her hands nervously, behind his head. "Umm, I don't know. There's Katherine and us, and lots of loose ends. I don't know exactly," she admitted to prevent her infamous rambling.

Derek looked at her seriously, understanding the concerns she couldn't quite express. "Let's start with Katherine. Just talk to me, Mer."

She bit her lower lip, a habit that drove Derek mad. It made him want to kiss her and nibble on that lip himself.

"Well, if we're together, not that we're necessarily going to be together long . . ."

Derek felt his heart skip a beat at that. _Them not together. _It just wasn't a possibly; he couldn't live without Meredith. He interrupted her quickly. "What do you mean, not going to be together long? I just told you you're stuck with me." He tried his best to make light of the situation.

"Yeah, but, well . . . I just don't know!" she exclaimed.

She was so adorable when she was flustered, and Derek couldn't help but kiss her. "I want us to be together forever Meredith. That's what I've always wanted."

Shock filled her face. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh," she sighed lightly. "That's all want too. But forever is a long time."

"Good." After another kiss he asked her, "Now what about Katherine?"

"It's just, if we're together, I mean since we're going to be, what's she going to think?"

With a confused frown Derek asked for clarification.

"She'll think I'm her mom, but I'm really not!" she blurted out.

Sighing deeply, Derek paused to think for a moment before he responded. "Meredith, listen, you are going to be her mom. The fact is that Addison isn't here, and someone is going to have to take that role in her life. And, Mer, there is no one I would want but you for the job."

"But Addison . . ."

"Addison is the women who gave birth to her, and Katherine will know that one day. But that won't make you any less to her. You've been her mom since day one." Derek gently rubbed her check, unable to find words to express his gratitude for that, but knowing she could read it in his eyes.

Meredith leaned her face against his hand, making Derek smile. "Okay, but, Derek, we have to tell her as soon as she can understand."

"We will," he promised.

They sat content for a moment, before Derek abruptly pressed her down until her back was lying across his desk, and began kissing her frantically. He groaned when he felt her fingers grip his hair more tightly, and her tongue forcing its way into his mouth. His groan was even louder when she suddenly stopped kissing him, and pushed him away.

"What, do we need to find an elevator so we can finish this outside of work?" he teased.

She giggled. "No, I just remember something else we need to talk about."

He couldn't possibly think of anything more important then what he had been about to do to her, but to appease her he reluctantly listened.

"I've realized that people are going to find out about us sooner than I had thought. We need to talk to Richard and Bailey soon. Like very soon because if this is going to be serious, I do not want it to get to either of them through the gossip vine."

He nodded, knowing that she was right, and that this thing was going to be very serious. _Like ring on her finger, baby in her belly serious, _he thought, suppressing a smirk. And that meant that it had to get started right.

"We'll go as soon as I finish this," he told her as he found her mouth again. Just because it was serious, didn't mean he was willing to miss out on sex for it.

Meredith's hands were on his shoulders pushing him away just as he started to get lost in the sensations. He had the sneaking suspicion she had done that on purpose.

"Derek! We can't have sex and then go tell them we're in a relationship!"

He sighed, defeated knowing she was right. "Fine, I'll wait until after Katherine's sleeping." He placed one more open mouth kiss on her neck before standing up and reaching for her hands to help her up.

"Are you kidding?" she exclaimed, grabbing his hands, and pulling him down instead of herself up. "We're having sex. Bailey and Richard can find out in the morning." She whipped her shirt over her head, kissing him deeply as she reached for his.

Derek laughed against her lips, finding one more thing to add to his mental list of things he loved about Meredith Grey.

**Sorry about the horribly long wait. Look at my AN on the most recent chapter of Complications if you want the list of excuses, but otherwise just know that I'm sorry. And actually this story is wrapping up which means that I will probably update it fairly frequently up through the ends.**

**Thanks in advance for sticking with me.**

**Please review.**


	29. Chapter 29

"Derek!" Meredith called as she walked in the house. "Where are you?"

"In the kitchen, sweetheart."

She walked in the said room to find him loading the dishwasher with last night's dishes. They had been doing things the night before that had seemed far more important than dirty dishes; that is, each other.

Coming up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist, and leaned her face against his back.

"Hi," she whispered.

Derek spun her in his arms so she was pressed against the sink and greeted her with a long, languid kiss. "Hi," he whispered back, pressing his forehead against hers.

"Where's Katherine?"

"In her playpen, but first, guess what?" Derek said to her as she grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and leaned against the counter across from the sink.

"What?"

"We have a babysitter tonight," he announced with a huge grin on his face.

Meredith stopped mid-bite, pulling the apple away from her mouth. "A babysitter? As in leaving our baby with some strange teenager? Sorry, Derek, but it's not going to happen."

"Meredith, you'll have to leave her eventually. She's seven months old already."

"I leave her everyday, but I draw the line at babysitters. We can hire a nanny. A responsible, older lady."

To her disgust Derek started laughing. She glared at him until he stopped. "Sorry, Mer, but it's funny to see you get so worked up. Just relax. Christina is not a teenager, and while she's strange, she's not technically a stranger."

"Wait, leaving Katherine with Christina! Give me the teenager please."

Derek laughed again. "She needs practice."

Grinning herself at the thought, Meredith nodded. "She's due in five months."

Coming to stand in front of her, Derek boasted her onto the counter. "And we need to go out. We've been together for a month now, and we haven't gone out once."

"Hmm." She wound her arms around his neck, leaning down to kiss him again. "Wouldn't you rather stay here and have sex?"

Derek stole a bite of the apple that was now by the side of his head. "We'll have sex when we get home. After Christina has put our little one to bed. Trust me, Mer, this will spoil you."

"But I like putting Katherine to bed," she protested.

"Don't you like talking to your Derek over steak and red wine?"

With a smile, she tilted her head to the side. "I suppose it's a second best."

"Go out with me, Mer."

"Okay."

"Mmmm, good." He trailed kisses up her neck, and across her jaw, making her giggle. "You're yummy," he mumbled, before he reached her lips. Nibbling on the bottom one he finally took it into his mouth, sucking on it as she moaned.

Finally, she pulled her lip away from him, only so she could plunge her tongue into his mouth. His hand came up to push her thighs further apart so he could stand closer to her, and he left that hand there; a warm weight on the junction of her thigh, as his growing erection rubbed against her. As their tongue battles in his mouth, and her finger tangled in his hair, his other hand worked its way up her shirt to finger a hard nipple through her thin bra.

"Holy shit! There is an underage child in this house!"

"Christina!" Meredith exclaimed, as she and Derek sprang apart. "Do you not knock?"

"When have I ever knocked at your house? But, god Mer, sex on the kitchen counter with the baby in the next room. Nice."

Meredith climbed down from the counter, bending to pick up and throw away the apple core that had somehow fallen to the floor. "Shut up, Christina. Stay here a second."

Leaving the kitchen, Meredith went to the living room to get Katherine.

"Hey princess!"

Katherine squealed in response and babbled something incoherent, as she reached her arms towards Meredith.

Scooping the baby out of the playpen, Meredith cradled her close before carrying her into the kitchen.

"Alright, Christina, here's my most important possession." Meredith handed Katherine to her. "You are watching her while Derek and I change, and when I come back, I will evaluate how the rest of the evening will proceed."

"Meaning she'll leave Katherine with you while we go out," Derek clarified.

Meredith opened her mouth to protest, but Derek cut her off with a kiss.

"Okay, okay, break it up!" Christina exclaimed, pulling Meredith back with the hand not holding Katherine. "How do you live here?" she asked Katherine.

"Shut up, and watch the baby," Meredith told her. "Come on, Derek."

"Wait, you guys are not going up there together. I am not going to watch this baby while you two have sex upstairs."

"We're not going to . . ." Meredith began to protest.

"Yeah, you will," Christina countered. "Derek, you hold Katherine. Meredith, come with me; I'm sure you'll want help getting ready."

"I don't need . . ." Again, Christina didn't let her finish her thought.

Christina glared at her, and pushed her towards the stairs. "This way I can guarantee McDreamy's not up there with you."

Glancing over her shoulder, Meredith mouthed at Derek for help. His only response was a smirk and an affectionate smack on the bottom as she walked by him.

"I saw that, Shepherd. Hands off!"

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"That's hot," Christina evaluated, as Meredith surveyed her completed appearance in the full length mirror.

"Yeah?"

"Definitely. Shoes are really cute."

Meredith snorted. "Like Derek will look at my shoes." She looked in the mirror again, pushing a curl over her shoulder. "I wore this dress the first time I met him."

"Oh, the time you two got wasted at Joe's, and then went to your house to screw."

Rolling her eyes, Meredith said, "That makes it sound so dirty, but yes. Though technically, I get credit for that time because I didn't know that he was married, or my boss."

"Wow, you were practically the Virgin Mary."

"Shut up. Now come on, there's a lot I have to tell you for Katherine."

Christina took her turn to roll her eyes. "I'm a surgeon; I can watch a baby for a few hours."

"But this is my baby."

The girls bantered as they made there way down the stairs, meeting Derek at the foot. Meredith took Katherine from his arms.

"Christina, look at this baby," she ordered, hardly addressing Derek. "Can't you see why this beautiful princess needs special attention and instruction? She can't just be healthy and safe, she needs to be happy."

"Yeah, whatever. McDreamy, you better be ready by the time these instructions are over."

Meredith could feel his eyes on her, and they didn't leave, even as he addressed Christina. "Do you have to call me that?" Then turning to her fully, he gently grasped Meredith by her upper arms. "You look gorgeous."

"You can stare at her all night, now . . ."

"Christina!" Derek interrupted her sharply. "You can tell me to do a lot of things, but stopping me from telling my girlfriend how beautiful she is is not one of them." Cupping one of Meredith's cheeks, while Christina was uncharacteristically silent, he dropped a kiss to her forehead, and whispered, "You are beautiful, and you can't even imagine the things I want to do to you."

She blushed. "I probably don't want to."

"Oh, I think you do." His eyes sparkled. "I love you."

Breathlessly, she returned the words, and he brushed their noses together before pulling away, making her slightly weak in the knees.

"Now you make sure our little girl is taken care of," Derek told her, as he tickled Katherine, making her giggle.

**This is only the first half of the chapter, but I don't know when I'll have time to write again, and I wanted to give you guys something. I'll be really busy for the rest of the week, then out of town for the weekend. I'm sure I'll bring by computer and write at least the rest of this chapter, but I don't know about internet access. Update Monday for sure.**

**Please review.**


	30. Chapter 30

"Do you think this is everything?" Meredith asked, handing Derek the instructions she had written for Katherine.

"This is practically an essay, Mer. I'm sure you included everything," he concluded after flipping through the pages halfheartedly.

Meredith bit her lip, patting Katherine's back as she thought. "Well, you have to call if you need anything at all," she told Christina. "You know my cell, and Derek's is written there if . . ."

"Yes, I know, you've said that already. Don't you leave her almost everyday?" Christina rolled her eyes at Meredith's worry.

"I suppose, but I'm always in the same building. It's different," she claimed, shifting the squirming baby in her arms.

Derek's hand went to the small of her back. "Okay, I think that's everything. Say goodbye now." His fingers played against the fabric of her dress.

"Oh, and at bedtime . . ."

Interrupting her, Christina said, "There's three paragraphs on bedtime, I think it will be covered."

"No one but me or Derek has ever done it before, though."

"It'll be good for her," Derek said, his impatience carried in his voice.

Meredith finally handed Katherine to Christina. "You have to call for anything." It was reassuring to see Katherine settle easily into Christina's arms.

"Meredith, I will take care of her," Christina said. "She'll be just fine."

Reassured by Christina's tone, she nodded. "Okay then."

"Great," Derek exclaimed. "Bye Katherine. See you in the morning."

Meredith dropped a kiss to her cheek. "Be good, pumpkin. Love you." Turning to Christina, she said, "We won't be too late. Help yourself to anything."

"Let's go," Derek ordered teasingly, grabbing Meredith's hand to drag her towards the door. "Bye, Katherine. I love you," he called before they left the house.

"Finally," he sighed once they were in the garage. "I thought we'd never leave."

Meredith was chewing on her bottom lip again. "Do you think Katherine will be okay?"

She could tell Derek was slightly annoyed, though it was hardly evident in his response. "I'm sure she will be fine. Christina is perfectly capable of taking care of her. She'll call if there's a problem."

Meredith nodded again. He was right. Really, she should trust her person a little more than this. Christina knew how important Katherine was, and would certainly manage just fine.

Derek had a completely different look in his eyes when she met them again. "You know, we have to go to Joe's for a drink after dinner." He gestured towards their clothes.

She giggled, realizing they were both wearing the same thing they had been the night they met. "And then sex on the couch tonight?"

Pressing her up against the car, he whispered, "How about sex right now?" before kissing her deeply.

For a minute she let herself fall into it, but then pushed him away abruptly. "You're getting my dress dirty. The car is filthy."

"It's black," he moaned, kissing her neck. "But I could take it off."

Pulling out of his arms with a laugh, she told him, "Derek, we are not having sex in the garage. Now let's get this steak you promised me."

He appeared rather reluctant as he walked around the car to open her door. She swatted his hand away when he grabbed her ass naughtily before she sat down, all the while loving his flirtations. Between Katherine and work they never got enough time alone.

Once he got in the car himself, he shot her a grin that made her heart melt before backing out of the driveway. As soon as the car was going forward, his hand was on her bare leg, teasing as he worked it further and further up her leg.

"Derek," she moaned as he caressed her high on the thigh.

"What?" His face was pure innocence. "Don't you like this?"

_That's the problem, _she thought to herself as his fingers traced slow circles on her skin. It had been so long, and she wanted him so badly. _Actually it was last night,_ a little voice reminded her. But it certainly felt like it had been a long time.

"Are you planning on stopping that?"

"No," came the immediate response.

"Then stop the car now," she said more sternly then she really meant.

"What? Mer, I was only teasing. I'll stop. Don't be mad." He quickly removed his hand.

"Derek, stop now before we're off your land," she repeated.

Obeying and putting the car into park, he asked again, "Sweetheart, are you okay? I'm sorry."

Deciding to tease him a little longer, she said in the same tone, "No, I'm not alright." She unbuckled her seatbelt, and made as if to get out of the car, before suddenly climbing over to straddle him and kiss him ardently. "I not alright because there's no sex yet," she clarified when she finally released his shocked lips and reached behind her to turn off the car.

"Seriously?" The shocked expression turned excited.

"Seriously." She undid his seatbelt before she went to work on the buttons of his good-looking red shirt.

Groaning appreciatively as her hands found his chest, he said, "I love you so much. I love how you care about Katherine so much, and how beautiful you are, and how you have sex in the car with me, and . . ."

"Derek, shut up and kiss me."

"Okay, but I do love you."

"Derek . . ." she moaned, cut off when he finally kissed her. Opening her mouth eagerly for his tongue, she pressed her body against him as he found the straps of her dress. He pulled them down, and she slipped her arms out so he could push the dress down and fling off her bra.

Her hands found his pants as his mouth found her breasts. She ground against him once she had freed him from the pants, and he groaned rather loudly, bunching her dress up so he could find her panties. It took some interesting acrobatics to remove them and they were both laughing hysterically when he finally managed the task.

Quickly though, the laughter changed into something entirely different, and they were both panting with need when she finally slid onto him. His hands were there immediately when she arched her back and let out a small cry, before coming forward to grip his shoulders and move herself up and down.

He kept one hand firmly on her waist, guiding her gently, but he pretty much let her take complete control. His other hand played in her soft hair, working down her shoulder to cup a breast again as she moved above him. When her even tempo finally increased, signaling she was close, he moved both hands to her waist, watching her beautiful face through glassy eyes. With a small cry, Meredith threw her head backwards and arched her back, trusting Derek to catch her with a firm hand behind her neck and at the small of her back.

Feeling herself clench around him, she screamed as her body finally let go, the sensations completely taking her over. She could feel Derek's hands come back to her waist, pumping her up and down until he finished himself, moaning her name as he did. They collapsed against each other, her head resting in the crook of his neck as they caught their breath.

"You are amazing," Derek whispered as he lifted her off of himself. He ran his fingers through her hair. "And I love you."

She sighed softly, leaning against him once again. "I love you too."

After a moment, Derek eased her up again. "We should get going."

Nodding agreement, she reached down to open the car door, stumbling awkwardly out of his lap and onto the ground.

"Here, this is yours." He handed her the bra from the passenger seat before climbing out of the car to fasten his pants.

Meredith put the bra back on, adjusting it before slipping her dress back up; ignoring the way Derek blatantly stared.

"So do you want to go home, and, ah, clean up before we go?" He gestured rather crudely.

"Are you kidding? Christina would never let me live this down." She fully realized the situation as her brain turned back on. "We had sex, in the car, before we got to the main road. We didn't even eat dinner yet. I cannot believe we just did that."

Derek laughed and she glared at him, placing her hands on her hips. "What?"

"You are so cute when you ramble." He kissed her nose, and then her lips.

"I am so stupid sometime," she muttered, before opening the door to the backseat to look for her panties.

"But it was good wasn't it?"

She turned to glare at him, but it somehow turned into a ridiculous giggle. "Yeah, it was good," she admitted. "Very good."

Derek laughed, and leaned against the car as she dug around in the backseat. "Where the hell are my panties? I know you threw them back here."

"They must be right there, Mer." He leaned over her shoulder to look into the car.

"You find them then." She stepped away to let him do as she instructed.

Meredith watched Derek dig around in the back of the car, his search yielding the same results as hers.

"What the hell? Things don't just disappear. They have to be somewhere," Derek ranted, running his hand across the floor of the backseat one more time.

With a sigh, Meredith shrugged. "Whatever. I'll survive."

"Are you sure? We live like a minute away you know."

"Remember Christina? I do not need to be teased about this for the rest of my life." And Christina most certainly would do that if she ever found out about this.

Derek groaned. "So I have to spend an evening in public with you knowing you're not wearing any panties?"

"It'll be good for your self control."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously!"

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Double scotch, single malt . . ."

"And a shot of tequila," Joe said with a smile as he completed Derek's order.

"You know us well," Derek laughed as he pulled out a barstool for Meredith.

Meredith scooted closer to Derek as he sat down beside her. He wrapped an arm around her, and dropped a kiss to her hair.

"We don't have to stay you know," he whispered seductively in her ear. "I'm sure there are much more interesting things for us do at home."

Meredith giggled. "Don't you want to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?"

Derek picked up the drink Joe had placed in front of him, and sipped it before answering. "The thing is, getting you drunk isn't really necessary. I'm so charming and irresistible; I'll get lucky either way."

Scoffing, Meredith rolled her eyes. "Ego is so not turning me on."

A second later her eyes were rolling for a different reason as he snuck a hand up her skirt, and rubbed against her. Cursing that fact that she was defenseless against him, especially without panties, she smacked his hand away, hissing his name.

He gave her a cocky grin that made her melt. "Let's get home."

Nodding, she threw back her shot, hardly wincing as the alcohol burned its way down her throat. He watched appreciatively, helping her hop down from the stool the moment she set down the glass.

"Put it on my tab, Joe," Derek called as he led her out of the bar.

"Thank you for tonight, Derek," Meredith sighed, once they were both settle in the car, and driving home.

Even in the darkness, she could see the twinkle in his eyes when he glanced at her. "Tonight has not even gotten started."

She was grateful the darkness hid her blush. "Oh really?"

"Really."

Giggling a little, she said, "Well, the first part of tonight was really nice. I'm glad we got a chance to talk like that."

"And don't forget the sex; that was nice too."

She laughed again. "Someone is horny tonight."

"Who's the one not wearing panties?'

"Whose fault is that?'

They bantered and flirted all the way home, simply enjoying each other's company. It was so nice to get a night away from their busy lives. Before Meredith realized it, they had pulled up the driveway, and Derek was coming around to open her door.

"It's quiet," Meredith whispered as they stepped into the house.

"Good. It will be much more fun for us if Katherine is sleeping," he teased.

Wandering into the living room, they found Christina sound asleep on the couch. Her baby bump was just visible, and she had a medical textbook lying open across her chest. Meredith smiled and went across the room to wake her.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Meredith whispered when Christina woke up.

Rubbing her eyes, Christina sat up. "Um, pretty good. She didn't cry much, and went to sleep fairly easily." Christina turned to Derek. "I know it's late but could you help me? I'm scrubbing in on the standstill tomorrow, and I'm still a little fuzzy on some of the neurological aspects."

"You're scrubbing in?" Meredith exclaimed. "That is so not fair."

"Actually, I'm not just scrubbing in. I'm assisting Burke, and he promised me cutting." Christina smirked at her best friend. "Too bad you're off."

"Yeah really," Meredith agreed. "Derek, come upstairs when you're done."

"Won't be long, Mer."

"Meredith, you owe me five hours of babysitting," Christina called after her, before their voices fell into medical lingo.

Once upstairs, Meredith quietly opened the door to Katherine's dim bedroom, just to check and be sure that her baby really had been perfectly fine without her mommy and daddy. The nightlight gave just enough light for Meredith to make out Katherine's sleeping form, and the room was filled with her soft breathing.

Meredith almost couldn't stop herself from lifting Katherine out of her crib. She had been working all day, and hadn't really gotten to snuggle her baby since the night before. Katherine's blue eyes fluttered open when her slumber was disturbed, but with a sleepy sigh, she relaxed into Meredith and fell back to sleep.

Sitting down in the rocking chair, Meredith held Katherine close, rocking her back and forth as she slept. Meredith wrapped the blanket she had taken from the crib around Katherine, smiling as her impossibly soft dark brown curls brushed against her arm.

Losing track of time, Meredith was startled when Derek eased the door open.

"I should have known I'd find you in here," he said softly, coming close to caress her cheek.

"I needed to cuddle her," Meredith whispered as explanation.

Derek smiled. "I know the feeling. Stand up."

Confused, she obeyed wordlessly, and he occupied the place where she had just been sitting. Snaking an arm around her waist, he pulled her back down to his lap. Two strong arms wrapped around her, and she laid her head back so their cheeks brushed together.

"Now I can cuddle you," he whispered, kissing her temple.

"I thought you wanted sex now."

"Don't worry, that part's coming," he chuckled. But then his tone changed to an almost reverent one. "But right now I'm holding my two favorite girls."

Smiling into the darkness, Meredith relaxed against him, content to spend the rest of her life with the two people currently surrounding her.

**So that was actually the last chapter of this. It's really bittersweet, but there's no need to drag this on forever. An epilogue will be up soon. And good news for those of you who like these characters. I'll be writing a sequel, probably starting it early June once school is out. It will be a really light, fluffy work to balance out the new darker story I will start some time this summer. So it will be Derek and Meredith's wedding and maybe honeymoon. Katherine will be about two. I also have a couple oneshots with these.**

**Please review the last chapter.**


	31. Chapter 31

"Is she sleeping?" Meredith asked softly as Derek came into their bedroom.

"Out like a light." He smiled down at Meredith, lying so beautifully in the center of the bed, their little boy snuggled in her arms. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he caressed her cheek before slipping under the covers beside her. "Did he eat okay?"

Smiling down at the baby, she nodded. "You ate pretty good, didn't you Michael?"

Derek scooted over in bed, a little afraid to ask Meredith to move over. The pregnancy hormones still had her all over the place. Instead he was perfectly content to sit close between her and the edge of the bed. It was safer.

"So my M's are good?"

The question earned him the most adorable frown from Meredith. "Your M's?"

"Meredith and Michael."

"Don't use that again."

Laughing, Derek leaned over to brush his hand over Michael's fuzzy head. Unlike his sister, who had had a full head of hair at birth, Michael was still mostly bald, but the fuzz promised dark hair. His finger then came down to Michael's hand, free from the blanket he was half swaddled in. The baby gripped his finger tightly and Derek smiled.

He caught Meredith's smile when he looked up at her. His heart melted a little, and he gave Michael a finger from the other hand so he was free to wrap an arm around Meredith and cuddle her closer.

"I love you, you know," he told her.

"I know," she sighed. "I love you too."

"So Katherine told me that today Michael peed on Mommy," he said conversationally.

"Katherine is a chatterbox."

Derek laughed. Meredith was definitely right about that one. "But is it true?" he pressed.

Meredith scowled. "Maybe I have more experience changing little girls. Apparently boys are different."

"Apparently? Did you skip anatomy that day, Mer? Because if you did, it would be my _pleasure_ to give you a hands-on crash course," he teased, with a saucy wink.

He could tell she was hiding laughter, when she seriously said, "No sex for five weeks."

"Five weeks exactly. Did you know that's 35 days? Or 840 hours, if you prefer. 50400 minutes. Umm, lots of seconds . . . Yeah, can't do that in my head." His math skills weren't quite as polished as they had been twenty years ago.

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "I'm impressed. Can you believe our baby is a week old today?"

Michael opened his blue eyes before Derek could respond, and Meredith was instantly occupied by cooing to him about how perfect he was.

"Don't call my son beautiful," he said, only half-serious.

"He is beautiful though."

"Not as beautiful as you." He kissed her sweet lips softly. "So is it my turn yet?"

Innocent eyes looked up at him. "For what?"

He wasn't fooled for a second. "You know what I want."

"No."

"I want to hold . . ."

She interrupted him. "The answer is no."

"He's my son too."

Her eyes flashed, and he could feel the lecture coming. He schooled his expression so he wouldn't laugh. She didn't scare him, and he actually enjoyed getting her to yell at him sometimes.

"Were you in labor for eight hours?"

"No."

"Did you have a hairy man put his hands up your ass because your actual doctor was on vacation two weeks before your due date?"

He knew any words would lead to laughter, so instead he shook his head.

"Did you shove a seven pound person out of a very, very small hole?"

"No," he said meekly.

"Then you don't get to hold the baby."

"Oh come on, Mer." She shook her head resolutely, and snuggled Michael closer. "Baby hog."

She stuck her tongue out at him, and he moved as if to bite it off. Giggling, she pulled away. "You'll get your turn," she conceded.

Kissing her head, he pulled her closer, perfectly content to watch her holding the baby. He found himself staring down at her. Her beautiful face of which he had memorized every detail, the way Michael fit so perfectly in her arms, her body, still clinging to some baby fat around her waist and hips. She hated it, but he found it cute. Everything about her was cute.

His eyes drifted from Meredith to the wall beside the bed. That was Meredith's wall. It was covered with framed snapshots in neat little rows, all pictures that meant something to her. Throughout the rest of the house, in the rooms open to guests, were the professional photos, but these were Meredith's. He found himself staring at the pictures he had all but memorized, chronicling their life for the past four years.

It began with one of him and Meredith, the first time they had been dating; when the biggest problem had been that he was her boss. They were eating breakfast at Meredith's old house, and their carefree faces were almost foreign to Derek. Sure they were happy now, but the easygoing sprit would never be captured again.

Then the pictures of Katherine began. Her as a newborn, a little older, with Derek, with Meredith, the three of them at Christmas; this went on and on. His eyes settled on his favorite baby picture of her for the longest; her in the bathtub, just grinning at the camera, or more likely Meredith behind the camera. It was a picture that made her growing up bittersweet. Sometimes he wished she was that little again.

Another precious one was Meredith holding Katherine at about the same age she had been in the bathtub. Derek had taken the picture with her unaware, but it couldn't have been posed more beautifully. Meredith was wearing a soft robe, cradling the baby a little higher than usual, and just gazing down at her.

The point when he and Meredith began a couple was evident. More pictures were of the three of them and some of him and Meredith alone. Mixed in was one of Bailey's five interns at Joe's the night after they had officially become residents. The pictures weren't quite as frequent after that point, but the most important memories were captured.

There was their wedding day. Izzie must have snapped that picture at the reception. Meredith, absolutely glowing in her white dress, was on his lap laughing at something he had said, his expression awed as he looked at his beautiful bride. There was a picture of them sailing on their honeymoon, one of the rare moments they had actually been wearing clothes.

Katherine was holding a baby doll, coloring a picture, riding a tricycle, having four birthdays. A couple more mischievous pictures featured her coloring on the wall and in front of the mirror in Meredith's heels, smearing lipstick all over her face. Meredith and Derek were in scrubs, the three of them were out to dinner, Katherine was with Christina and Burke's son, their godson. His eyes finally landed on what he had thought to be the most recent picture; him, Meredith, and Katherine on the beach in California. Meredith's baby bump was clearly visible and Katherine still had her Mickey Mouse ears on. She had refused to take them off for days after an afternoon in Disneyland.

But there were two new additions. Meredith must have just put them up that day while she was home with the kids. The first was Michael, the same picture they had put on his birth announcements, typical baby-laying-on-a-blanket picture. But the second Derek hadn't seen printed yet, though he had taken it. Katherine was sitting on a hospital bed, holding her new brother for the first time. Meredith had passed up the one of her grinning into the camera for the one where she was looking down at him, absolutely enthralled. Katherine's curls were hardly combed and Michael's face was still red and wrinkled, but to Derek, two children couldn't possibly be anymore beautiful.

"He's going to get big so fast," Meredith said softly, following his gaze to the wall.

"It does seem like just yesterday that Katherine was this little." He ran a hand over her hair, and kissed her cheek. "He'll be going to college to tomorrow, and you won't even let me hold him," he teased.

Meredith's clutched Michael closer. "He's not going to college anytime soon. How can you even say that?"

Laughing at her reaction, he kissed her again. "We do have a lot to get through before then."

"I won't have room on my wall."

The wall was filling pretty fast, though there was certainly quite a ways to go. "I think we'll make it through elementary school. Unless we have a couple more of these." He gestured to Michael.

"We had a baby seven days ago, and he wants more. Typical." Meredith giggled to herself before sighing. "I suppose you can hold him now."

Derek shook his head. "I'll give you five more minutes. I like watching you hold him."

Seeming more than pleased with this, Meredith turned Michael so she could talk to him, supporting his head with two hands, and resting his body on her bent legs. Derek got a flash of her in the tub with Katherine in a similar way. Had it really been four years ago?

Suddenly, the door to their room slammed open, startling Michael, and causing Meredith and Derek to swing their head in that direction. Katherine was standing in the doorway in pink pajamas, tears streaking her face.

"Katherine, what's wrong?" Derek asked.

She ran over to the bed, and climbed up on Meredith's side. Derek found himself with Michael finally in his arms, as Meredith pulled Katherine into a hug.

"Now she lets me hold the baby," he muttered.

Meredith raised an eyebrow with a smirk, before turning to Katherine. "What's the matter, sweetheart?"

"I had a scary dream."

Pulling Katherine up a little, Meredith wiped the tears from her cheeks. "What made it scary?"

Katherine frowned deeply. "I don't 'member."

"Well, just remember that the dream wasn't real. You're safe here with mommy and daddy," Meredith soothed.

"And Michael," Katherine added brightly, hardly upset.

"And Michael," Meredith agreed, holding Katherine against her chest for a moment longer. Derek leaned over and ran his hand through his daughter's hair. It curled beautifully, almost the same shade as his, though it had the tendency to shine reddish when the light hit it in a certain way.

"Mommy?" Meredith shifted Katherine so her voice wasn't muffled. "I'm glad your belly doesn't have a bump anymore."

Derek burst out laughing, turning it into a hacking cough when Meredith glared at him.

"I'm glad too, Katherine. I can hold you better, and we have Michael," Meredith said quite seriously, given Katherine's comment.

"Yes, I like Michael." Katherine crawled out of Meredith's arms to pat her little brother's head. "He needs hair though."

Derek chuckled. "He'll get hair soon, princess. Babies don't usually have hair."

"But I had hair when I was a baby. Didn't I, mommy? In that picture I are a baby and I have hair." She pointed to the wall. "See, daddy, see? Babies have hair." The words poured from her mouth almost faster than Derek could understand.

"I guess you were a special baby," Derek told her.

"I are special. Michael too." Katherine bounced up and down slightly in excitement.

Meredith grabbed Katherine back into her arms to physically calm her. "Alright, it's far too late for you to be so excited. Calm down."

Evidence of her true exhaustion, Katherine relaxed into Meredith's arms, her thumb going straight to her mouth.

"Love you, mommy and daddy and Michael," she mumbled around her thumb, her eyelids fluttering closed after only a couple minutes.

"She shouldn't suck her thumb," Meredith said quietly, gently tugging the hand out of Katherine's mouth. Katherine opened her eyes briefly, blinked, and resettled, the thumb right back in her mouth.

"It'll be fine, Mer."

Meredith sighed. "Not worth the fight." She smiled affectionately down at Katherine. "And it's so cute."

They sat in silence, the children gradually falling asleep. Derek was basking in the feeling of his ever-growing family around him, and he sensed Meredith felt the same way. It was so nice to have a moment a peaceful quiet, something that didn't often happen with two small children and a bossy wife. Although the silence was nice, he would never trade his life for it. He loved the screaming, the yelling, the teasing, the tantrums. Or a least he loved the people who produced those noises. And the kisses, hugs, and love they gave him.

"I think she's asleep," Meredith finally said. "I'll take her to bed."

His hand flew to her thigh. "Don't you move. I'll get it."

"I'm not pregnant anymore. I can carry her."

"I know, but I can still spoil you. Besides, you have to get up when Michael wakes up." He had learned during the past few days they had had Michael at home, that however much he may want to help with him, there were some things he just couldn't do. Nighttime feedings was one of these things. Apparently breasts were a requirement.

Derek stood up and walked around the bed, the two of them trading sleeping children with practiced ease. Cradling Katherine carefully, Derek brought her to her bedroom, laying her in the princess bed and covering her.

"Goodnight, my little princess. I love you." He kissed her soft cheek, closing the door partway as he left the room.

Back in his own room, he found his exhausted wife dozing lightly, still holding the baby she had hardly let out of her arms since his birth. Derek gently lifted him from her arms, and brought him to the bassinette. Standing in front of it, Derek held his newest child for a minute, taking in his features for the hundredth time. Michael was the perfect combination of him and Meredith, and was absolutely gorgeous for it. Finally, he settled Michael down in the bassinette, swaddling him more securely in his blue blanket.

"I love you, baby boy. See you in a couple hours."

Climbing into bed, he reached carefully over Meredith to turn off the bedside lamp. Stretching out beside her, he reached out to gather her into his arms, snuggling her close, and causing her to stir slightly.

"Derek?" Her eyes shone even in the darkness.

"It's me, love. Go back to sleep."

Meredith sighed quietly. "I love you."

"I love you." He wrapped his arms tighter around her, rubbing her back and stroking her hair.

As they fell asleep nestled together, knowing Michael would be waking them soon, Derek felt truly happy. He wasn't content, he wasn't satisfied, he was happy. Genuinely happy. There truly was nothing more that could his life better. He really did have it all. A job he enjoyed, great friends, a wife he loved more than life itself, two perfect children.

What more could he want?

**So this story is finally over. Tear. But actually it's not that sad because I still have lots of plans for these characters. Keep an eye out for the still untitled sequel that will be posted soonish. I'll also be doing some oneshots eventually, but probably not until midsummer when I'm bored.**

**Please take advantage of your last opportunity to review this story.**

**Hope you enjoyed the ride, I know I did!**


End file.
